Week of January 3, 2010
Harry could only stare in horrified wonderment as Slughorn showed him the detailed time-line he had created of Harry’s life, complete with pictures and mementos.
Slughorn: …and there’s little Gilderoy Lockhart. I taught him everything he knows about fashion.
Harry: That explains a lot.
Slughorn: No Horace here, only an overstuffed chair.
Harry: But, Mr. Slughorn, you forgot to transfigure yourself. We can plainly see you’re a person.
Slughorn: No, I’m not! I’m a chair!
Harry: But chairs don’t talk!
Slughorn: Um.. but this chair is haunted! Ooooooh…
Harry & Dumbledore: *Facepalm*
Slughorn: One day, Harry, this will all be yours.
Harry: A broken swing-set and some weeds?
Slughorn: All yours.
Slughorn: As you can see from my wardrobe, I have these pyjamas in all the colours of the rainbow… except yellow. Just doesn’t complement my complexion.
Harry: How are you a teacher?
Slughorn: ‘That letter there, Daniel – er, I mean Harry – is a ”G.” It says ”guh.”’
Slughorn: Don’t you just love my collection? Robert Pattinson poster, Robert Pattinson t-shirt, Robert Pattinson pyjamas, Robert Pattinson mug, Robert Pattinson Annual 2010, Robert Pattinson calendar, and a Robert Pattinson quill set!
Slughorn: I helped many young students find their destiny. See little Dolores Umbridge there? She’d never picked up a rulebook before I taught her.
Harry: Thank you so much, sir.
Slughorn: ‘…See? Oh, look, there’s Lily and Severus kissing. They dated once, you know?’
Slughorn: And this, Harry, is a two-way mirror that looks right into the bathroom.
Harry: We can see Professor Dumbnledore and… hey! Those magazines don’t have knitting patterns in them!
Slughorn: Look; there’s Voldemort making another plot to kill you!
Harry: It’s happened so many times now, it’s not very interesting. I’d be more surprised if he wasn’t trying to kill me.
Slughorn: …And that’s your mother and father, just there.
Harry: Oh… and who’s that?
Slughorn: Oh, him. I don’t really know why I have him up here, but his name is REGULUS A. BLACK! His initials, are R.A.B.!
Harry: *To self* You know, I get the feeling he’s trying to tell me something…
‘And this, Harry, is the My Animagus is an Arm Chair group photo.’
Slughorn: These are some old members of my little club, ‘The Slug Club’!
Harry: …Why not ‘The Horn Club’?
Slughorn: It’s a bird!
Harry: It’s a plane!
Slughorn: What’s a plane?
-Fred is Dead
Slughorn: ‘I’ll give you the memory, Harry… if you pull my finger.’
-The Purple Hippo
Slughorn: And that, Harry m’boy, is my purple dragon, Bert.
Harry: When did you get your dragon, sir?
Slughorn: Only last week. I found him on the street.
Harry: That’s when my purple dragon Albert ran away.
Harry: ‘Sir, why are you in a green shirt under your pajamas?’
Slughorn: Mars is bright tonight…
Harry: *Sighs* Professors. You never can get a straight answer from them.
Slughorn: And that, Harry, is what happened to my walrus moustache and giant belly.
Harry: What do you mean? Where did they go? Can’t they come back, like Nearly-Headless Nick?
Slughorn: I am afraid not. No, they will have gone… on… *deep silence*
Slughorn: …And that constellation, right there, is Sirius!
Slughorn: Too soon?
Slughorn: And that, m’boy, is a picture of your mum.
Harry: Was she a good student, sir?
Slughorn: Oh yes, yes, she w- wait a minute… WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE?
Harry: Sir, I –
Slughorn: DUMBLEDORE PUT YOU UP TO THIS! NOW LEAVE AT ONCE BEFORE I EAT YOUR OWL!
Slughorn: Harry, m’boy, do not walk behind me. I am no leader.
Slughorn: Don’t walk in front of me; I may not follow.
Slughorn: Do not walk beside me, either.
Harry: Where should I walk?
Slughorn: Out that door, leave me alone.
Slughorn: Join the Slug Club, Harry, and the world will bow at your feet!
Harry: Said that to Tom Riddle, did you?
Slughorn: Ah – that one took me a little too literally…
–Inspired by David’s caption, week of March 15, 2009–
Slughorn: Oh, look, Harry. It’s Robert Pattinson.
Slughorn: Cedric Diggory, remember?
Harry: Oh, yeah. He said I wasn’t bran like four years ago.
Slughorn: And that is my Bible collection right over there. And over there, is my favorite picture of Jesus.
Harry: But, Sir, I thought wizards didn’t believe in Jesus.
Slughorn: Harry! With that kind of attitude, you might as well start packing for that long trip to –
Dumbledore: -Can I have these knitting patterns?
Fenoglio: You see, Harry, Meggie read you out of your world just as you were about to kiss Ginny for the first time.
Harry: An Inkheart/Harry Potter crossover? Really?
-Altos are Saxy
Slughorn: …And you see that picture, Harry ? That is Eileen Prince, the mother of Severus Snape. Great at potiosn like her son, she was, but then… married a Muggle. Then again, Severus was always proud to be half a Prince… So what was it you wanted, Harry? Oh, yes. I’ll send an owl order immediately to get a copy of Advanced Potion Making for you. How about you borrow this one for the time being?
Harry: *Opens the book* ‘This book is property of the Half-Blood Prince.’ Hmm… I wonder who he was…
Slughorn: See that, Harry? That’s a shooting star! Make a wish!
Harry: Why would I make a wish? I’m a 16-year-old wizard. If I want something, I’ll just Accio it.
Slughorn: You ruin all my fun! *Storms out*
Harry: Professor, look! A shooting star!
Slughorn: Harry, m’boy, that is called a Comet, and it’s headed straight for us.
Harry: Should I be concerned?
Slughorn: No, I shouldn’t think so. It won’t hit until next summer, then Dumbledore can save us all.
Harry: Sir, I’ve read the book. Dumbledore is going to die this spring.
Slughorn: …And, a little further up the street is where I enchanted a snowman to become alive a few weeks ago. Unfortunately, it has a rather aggressive personality…
*Giant snowball hits window*
Slughorn: Although, I’ve never seen it purposefully decapitate itself and use its head as a weapon before…
Slughorn: You see this one, Harry? Phineas Peashooter. Invented the-
Harry: -Pea shooter, sir?
Slughorn: Oh – well, yes. You know him?
Harry: I think I’m getting the hang of this.
Slughorn: Yes, of course…