Week of February 14, 2010
Emma: May we please come out now?
Universal Exec: Do you promise to attend Wizarding World’s Grand Opening?
Daniel: We told you – we’d love to, bu we all have a schedule conflict!
Universal Exec: Then no! *Slams door shut*
Harry: Sorry, Ron, but I don’t think we’ll be able to get your shoe down from that telephone pole.
Ron: I just said Fleur was ‘kind of’ hot! Honestly, you have no sense of humor, Hermione.
Hermione: *Reading sign* ‘Wanted: Mass Murderer, Sirius Black.’
Ron: Well, that’s a slap in the face.
Hermione: Why, what’s that? Up in the sky?
Ron: I don’t know. What could it be?
Harry: I think Malfoy’s finally got enough money for a rocket ship…
Ron: Monkey in the middle! *Tosses Horcrux to Hermione*
Bird: *Snatches the Horcrux in the air and flies away*
Harry: …You’ve got to be kidding me.
Harry: Maybe we can spy on Malfoy from up on that remarkably low roof.
Hermione: Yes, we can.
Ron: Hermione, you’ve got a bit of toothpaste –
Harry: Guys. We’re about to spy on Malfoy…
Harry: Hey, um… guys? I’ve got a question.
Ron and Hermione: Yeah?
Harry: Why do frisbees get bigger as they come clos- *Gets hit on the forehead by a frisbee*
Ron and Hermione: *Facepalm* And this is the guy we’re pairing up with to fight against Voldemort?
Ron: You can see them training from here, can’t you? The Chudley Cannons have never flown that well before! We’re going to win it this year for sure!
Harry: Ron, that’s a three-year-old kid wearing orange and flying a toy broomstick.
Harry: I could SO climb up that wall.
Ron: At your height? I doubt it.
Hermione: You foul, loathsome, evil little cockroach! *Steps on cockroach*
Ron: …a bit over-dramatic, don’t you think?
Harry: The sign says, ‘I’d turn back if I were you.’
Ron: *Nods and turns back*
Harry: *On tip-toes* I can nearly see over this wall… ee… nearly. Just a bit more…
Hermione: *Whispering to Ron* Do you think now would be a good time to tell him if he moved back three inches he’d be able to see over?
Ron: Nah, let him sweat.
Harry: Ron, she’s like a sister to me. I thought you knew that…
Ron: Yeah, just like my sister was ‘just a sister’ to you.
*Bicycle bell rings. The trio looks up awkwardly.*
Hermione: H-hi, Grawp…
Harry: We finally know at least one minor character’s outcome after the Battle of Hogwarts…
Ron: ‘Bout time…
Hermione: ‘Welcome to Fight Club. The first rule of Fight Club is, you do not talk about Fight Club. The second rule of Fight Club – you DO NOT talk about Fight Club! Third rule of Fight Club. If someone yells ‘stop,’ goes limp, or taps out, the fight is over. Fourth rule: Only two guys to a fight. Fifth rule: one fight at a time, fellas. Sixth rule. The fights are bare knuckle. No shirt, no shoes, no weapons. Seventh rule: Fights will go on as long as they have to. And the eighth, and final rule of Fight Club: if this is your first time at Fight Club, you have to fight.’
Ron and Harry: *Tearing down posters* How we gonna pay? Last year’s rent!
Hermione: Guys… Those aren’t eviction noices. They’re ads…
Harry: Hey, why am I on this wanted poster? ‘Harry Potter. Wanted for excessive and angsty whining, reported by Ronald Weasley and Hermione Granger.’
Hermione: We’re sorry ou had to find out the hard way – but it had to be done.
Harry: Oh my gosh! What is that?
Hermione: I don’t know. It’s so ugly, I can’t tell. And covered with all that red hair –
Ron: Guys, I’m right here.