Week of April 21, 2013
‘Look, Dobby! There’s a sale on pillowcases at Target!’
Dung: ‘Good gracious, Harry! Look at the news: Stolen Broomsticks rumored to be smuggled into the country before nightfall. Reckon there’s a chance I might make it?’
Mundungus: What’s an eight-letter word for ‘someone without pure wizarding blood’?
Mundungus: Oops, I grabbed the New York Times instead of the Daily Prophet.
Ron: Harry, they said you appeared naked and mutilated a horse!
Harry: Oh! Uh… that darn Rita Skeeter and her bag of lies! …what kind of review did she give me?
If only they had noticed Kreacher standing there, the group would have realized that he was a skilled ninja. Alas, because of his superior ninja skills, they did not. And the work of seeking Horcruxes that would have taken Kreacher a week at best, was instead extended into months of tedium and hardship.
Mundungus: The photos. They’re not moving!
Ron: *Scared* Make them start, Harry, make them start!
Thanks to Rita Skeeter and the Daily Prophet, at precisely that moment, Harry learned the truth behind the biggest secret Dumbledore had yet concealed from him: Albus Percival Wulfric Brian Dumbledore was, in fact, a world-famous Liza Minelli impersonator.
Ron: Here’s yours, Harry – Leo. Beware, for danger is heading your way. One who is close will betray you. Death is imminent.
Harry: So THAT’s where Trelawney got her predictions from!
Mundungus: Yup, that’s right, kids! That was me during my Hogwarts days!
‘They’re making a Finding Nemo 2? I’m afraid that if we stop looking at it, the news will go away!’
Headline: RITA SKEETER MOVES TO MUGGLE WORLD AND REVEALS OUR SECRETS! UNDER THE FAKE NAME, J.K. ROWLING.
Ron: Oh, bloody Hell, ‘cloudy with a chance of rain’ – that’s horrible!
Harry: Ron, below that…
Ron: Oh, Harry Potter = Undesirable #1. I suppose that’s worse.
Kreacher: ‘Nasty mudbloods… tall enough to read the newspaper…’
Harry: So, we didn’t win any Oscars…
Dobby: Well, that’s BS! My death scene had the world in tears!
Kreacher: Filthy Muggles… disrespecting the noble and most ancient fandom of Harry Potter…
‘It was my mama’s recipe. She called it, Sweeney Todd.‘
‘BLOODY HELL! Kate let it slip! It’s a GIRL!’
Ron: So, you’re saying that if we go here – and surround the building…
Harry: WE could invade the Three Broomsticks…
Hermione: And get all the butterbeer we want?
Harry: Listen for my signal… when I say go, surround!
‘What?! That can’t be right. The Cubs win the Pennant! Is this a joke?’