Week of April 28, 2013
Hermione: *Whispering* Remember, Ron, don’t give away the fact that we’re wizards.
Waitress: And what will you have, ginger?
Ron: I’d like a club sandwich, side of fries and a butterbeer.
Ron: Sorry, I mean a diet butterbeer.
Ron: Oh, bloody hell…
Waitress: What will you have?
Harry: It doesn’t really matter what we’ll have, because while you’re fixing it, Death Eaters will come in, duel us, and we’ll win, all while wrecking your cozy little cafe.
Harry: Nevermind. Three coffees please.
‘Is there anything on this menu that isn’t swimming in gravy?’
Ron: I’ll take one of everything.
Hermione: Are you for real?!
Harry: *Thinking* Ohh, here we go. Can I borrow those ear-pieces, Muggle?
Ron: ‘What do you mean, you ”ain’t got no carrot cake”?’
Ron: Wow. She’s hot.
Hermione: RON! ORDER YOUR FOOD!
Ron: *To Harry* Do they sell Chocolate Frogs? I’m still missing a few of the cards…
Waitress: What would you like today?
Ron: *Sarcastically* Some basilisk venom, three Horcruxes, and Nagini the snake.
Harry: What’s a cheeseburger?
Hermione: I’m not sure…
Waitress: Are you guys ready to order?
Ron: I CAN HAZ CHEESEBURGER?!?!
Hermione: Let’s make some kind of pop-culture reference which will be totally dated and incomprehensible when people are reading it in the Caption Contest Archive three years from now.
Waitress: What is that mysterious ticking noise? Not over here, not over there… it’s kind of catchy.
Ron: *To Hermione* Does that woman know she left her headphones plugged into her metronome?
Waitress: That will be £5.48.
Harry: Umm, I…
Ron: Do you know who he is? Harry Freakin’ Potter!
Waitress: ‘Elbows off the table! Did your mothers teach you nothing?’
Harry: Do you sell Mars bars?
Harry: *Goes into Mars bars rage and throws the tables*
Hermione: Ron, could you please dignify yourself in an adult fashion?
Ron: But I want the smiley mac and cheese!
Waitress: What would you guys like?
Hermione: I would like a protein shake, falcon eggs, and some rocks. What about you, Ron?
Ron: Wow, Hermione, that purse of yours looks exactly like the one Paris Hilton owns!
Hermione: Uh, yeah. It only LOOKS like the one she owns. Yeah, that’s it.
Harry and Ron: …
Harry: We need to think of a safe place to Apparate before Voldemort finds out where we are.
Hermione: We could try Sirius’ place, but I’m not sure if the Fidelius Charm still has any effect.
Ron: I just want to start destroying Horcruxes as soon as possible. With the Minister for Magic gone, not even Hogwarts will be safe.
Waitress: *Thinking* Why do I always get saddled with the nutters?
Ron couldn’t help but feel that The Three Broomsticks had real-time gone down since the change in management.
Ron: ‘Do I want a latte’? What kind of Dark Magic is that?
Harry: Shut it, Ron!
Hermione: *To the waitress* Don’t mind him. He’s on strong antibiotics.
Ron: I’d like a BLT and a slice of pie.
Hermione: Ron! We’re not here to eat!
Hermione: ‘Don’t look now, bu… dammit, Ron!’