Week of June 2, 2013
Yaxley: ‘See this man’s mustache? Anyone who disobeys the Ministry’s orders will get one just like it!’
Yaxley and friend couldn’t help but feel that they had received the short straw when it came to Dumbledore’s will, having been left his wrinkles and parts of his beard respectively.
‘My Mustache Senses are tingling… The Boy must be THAT WAY!!!’
Yaxley: *Thinking* Hmmm… wand-holders on the face. Why haven’t I thought of that?
Yaxley: Say hello to Cattermole, my friend. *Talks in high-pitched voice as he shakes official* ‘Hello to Cattermole, my friend!’ *Normal voice* That’s not what I meant, you idiot!
Ron: And I thought it was just a metaphor when Lupin said the Death Eaters had turned the Ministry into puppets…
‘So that really IS what her hair looks like from the back…’
‘And before I knew it, ZAP went his wand and all this hair grew on my upper lip. Unbelievable!’
Yaxley: ‘Okay… I know that isn’t quite a handlebar mustache, but I wanna get on your back and take off so we can get that trio real fast!’
Yaxley: ‘Your eccentric mustache is ruining the bleak atmosphere of this place! What do you think we’re in? One of the Chris Columbus movies?!’
Guy on Left: ‘Could I borrow a napkin? I just ate an albino yak.’
The Monopoly man with the get-out-of-jail card for the Death Eater.
Mustache Man: Yaxley, I mustache you a question!
Yaxley: Not now! I’m chasing Harry Potter!
Mustache Man: Very well, I’ll shave it for later!
Yaxley’s most evil act was putting the road guy from SimCity in charge of the Floo Network.
Yaxley: I’m sorry, but there’s no way we can pay you the entire Ministry budget.
Floo Network Director: YOU CAN’T CUT BACK ON FUNDING! YOU WILL REGRET THIS!