Week of June 16, 2013
Hermione: Harry, I’ve just thought of something! Don’t you think the past seven years of your life would be perfect material for a best-selling series of novels?
Harry: That’s just stupid, Hermione…
Harry remained determinedly stone-faced, but Hermione couldn’t hide her interest as Ron’s musical striptease continued…
Hermione: OMG! I’ve just figured it out!
Harry: I hear a lotta ‘yak yak’ but no ‘snip snip!’
Hermione: Harry, what happened to your hair!
Harry: I got a hair cut!
Hermione: Um… Harry… *Hands him a mirror*
Harry: *Looks into mirror* Aaaahhhhhh!!!!
Hermione: Nope, no Horcruxes in your hair.
Harry: Good thing we cleared that up. I’ll search your hair now.
Hermione: What is your hair doing?
Harry: Oh, don’t worry about it.
Hermione: It’s curling up like a slug!
Harry: Like I said, don’t worry about it. That happens every time.
Hermione: Harry, do you like my thinking face?
Harry: Yeah – check out mine!
Ron: Help! Help!
Hermione: You think we should cast a spell to drive that swarm of bees away from Ron?
Hermione: Oh – I just remembered the last time I tried cutting somebody’s hair…
Harry: What happened?
Hermione: Oh, it’s nothing. I’m sure I’ve gotten better by – Harry, do you enjoy wearing hats?
Harry: Not particularly, why?
Hermione: You will…
Hermione: Merlin’s beard, Harry, I just realized.
Hermione: I completely forgot to cut your hair and Ron’s in Goblet of Fire.
Harry: Um… that’s okay, Hermione. I think you were too preoccupied with grooming Krum’s.
Hermione: Oh my God! I’ve just figured it out! You’re the seventh Horcrux and you’re going to have to die to defeat Voldemort!
Harry: So… not only do I have to find, like, sixty more Horcruxes, I also have to die at the end of it all? All right, screw this! Pack your swim trunks, Ron — we’re moving to Puerto Rico forever!
Hermione: Harry, Voldemort got a nose job! He got plastic surgery!
Harry: Great. The fan-girls will choose him in the next movie…
Hermione: Don’t worry, Harry. We’ve got Neville.
Harry: *Begins to cry*
‘Hermione…. that wasn’t hair.’
Harry and Hermione simply failed to expect the Spanish Inquisition.
Hermione suddenly realized that Harry was a Horcrux and was having a battle with herself on whether or not to stab him with the Sword of Gryffindor.
-The Doctor’s Daughter
Hermione: ‘HARRY!!! I just realized we could have used the Time-Turner for all of our problems.’
Hermione: Professor Snape?! What are you doing in our tent?!
Snape: I knew I’d find you eventually, Potter. Ten points from Gryffindor for failing to hand in your last piece of homework last year. *Leaves*
Harry: That was odd…
‘It’s okay, Harry… really… it happens to most guys.’
Hermione: Uhh, Harry?
Hermione: Do you still love Ginny?
Harry: Uh, yeah… Why?
Hermione: You’ve apparently forgotten about this tattoo on your neck. It says, ‘Cho.’ This may complicate things…
Harry: Bloody hell! I totally forgot!
Hermione: Oh my God! The sword of Gryffindor is goblin-made!
Harry: Hermione… this is meant to be a funny caption. You’re not supposed to say what you actually realized in the movie.
Hermione: …and violate canon?!?!
Hermione: I know you’re there, Harry. Keeping your back to me is not the same as wearing your Invisibility Cloak, even if it works on Ron…
Hermione: Oh, no.
Harry: You put super glue in my hair, instead of hair gel, didn’t you?
Harry: And now your hand is stuck to the back of my head?
Hermione: I’m afraid so.
Harry: Well, this is going to look awkward when I’m trying to defeat Voldemort.
The trio pass their time on-the-run with a lively game of charades:
Hermione: Four words? First word.
Harry: Uh, stop? Halt?
Hermione: Sounds like… circle?
Hermione: Eating circle?
Harry: Donut! Sounds like ‘donut!’
Hermione: So, stop… sounds like ‘donut…’ don’t! Okay, second word.
Harry: Feeling yourself?
Hermione: Reaching out?
Harry: Touching things?
Hermione: First word Harry said? Touching? Oh, touch. ‘Don’t touch.’ Third word.
Harry: Hugging yourself?
Hermione: Not letting go?
Harry: Clasping your chest like a weirdo?
Hermione: Pointing at yourself?
Harry: Ron? Myself? Me? Sounds like ‘me.’
Hermione: Mine. Uh, my. That’s it! ‘Don’t touch my…’ fourth word.
Harry: Uh, load? Annoying? Very annoying? Talking a lot? Uh, acting weird and girly? Throwing temper-tantrums? Uh, bother? Annoyance?
Harry: That’s it! ‘Don’t touch my sister.’ Oh.
Ron: You got it!