Week of July 21, 2013
Ron: Hi, Hermione! I’m back, and I got you a necklace! Please forgive me!
Hermione: But, he went to Jared’s!
‘I know it was a family heirloom, but… um… I sort of… sat on it…. Sorry.
Ron: ‘See? Your favorite necklace wasn’t even that damaged after I sat on it.’
‘Hey, baby. I got 99 problems, but a Horcrux ain’t one of them!’
Ron: *Nervous laugh* Er, hi, Hermione. I’m, uh, sorry I ran away from your beautiful face for a couple of weeks… *clears throat* But if it makes you feel any better, I got you a necklace.
Hermione: *Slaps Ron* I TOLD YOU TO GET ME A PUPPY!
Ron: ‘So, I was wondering if you might kiss me the way the Horcrux showed you kissing Harry…?’
Ron: Happy birthday!
Hermione: *Shrieking and jumping up and down* Oh, Ron! How did you know I always wanted an ostentatious, mirrored compartment which entombs the fragment of a dark lord’s soul?!
Hermione: -IS THAT A STAB MARK?
Ron: Yeah, I destro-
Hermione: DESTROYED IT?! NOW ALL OF THE SOUL IS GONE, YOU IDIOT!
Ron: But wasn’t that the point?
Hermione: *Glares* Forget it. We’re through. You’ll just never understand women and jewelry.
‘Hermione, take this stabbed locket as a sign of my love and fidelity.’
Hermione: You show up here after weeks, and you say ‘hey’?
Ron: Hey! Hey, hey, hey!
Hermione: Ron, what are you doing?
Ron: Macho, macho man! I’ve got to be, a macho man!
Hermione: Ron, what is wrong with your brain?!
Ron: What – don’t you think this is an appropriate time for me to sing that song?
Ron: ‘Hermione! Do you always have to hex first and ask questions later? That was my favorite yo-yo!’
Ron: ‘Happy birthday, Hermione! I got you a Horcrux. Slightly used, but whatever.’
When purchasing a Ron, be sure to give him an ID collar with your home address. Make sure the collar cannot be removed by your Ron, as in the above illustration.
Warning: Rons have voracious appetites. Their natural diet consists of candy and chocolate in any form.
Ron: So there was Harry, the locket tight around his neck, and he couldn’t get it off. I knew it was up to me. So I dove in, tore the locket off, noticed the sword of Gryffindor was down there, too, grabbed that, and swam back up to the surface. Next, I stabbed the locket with the sword, came back to camp, and here we are!
Hermione: So where’s Harry?
Ron: …Knew I was forgetting something.
‘Hey, Hermione… apparently this thing knows what you look like naked.’
Ron: Hermione… will you marry me?
Hermione: Ron, that’s not a ring.
Ron: I know, but I couldn’t afford a ring and so I thought, ‘Well, a necklace isn’t that different from a ring, is it?’
Hermione: Uh, yes it is.
Ron: Whatever. They’re both round and they’re both stupid girl things. So, will you marry me, then?
Hermione: Did we really have to search every previous camping site to find THAT?
Ron: But it’s my favorite necklace!
Ron: What’s this black thing? Is this a SOUL, Hermione? I wish I had one…
Ron: I, THE AMAZING SUPER CLYDE, HAVE DESTROYED THE HORCRUX!
Hermione: Seriously, Ron, the show was cancelled. Let it go.
‘But, Hermione, I put so many coins in the claw machine to get this for you, while a tiny little ball of light kept shining in my eyes!’
Hermione: ‘You better have brought a better ”I’m sorry” present than that!’
-The Doctor’s Daughter
Ron: I found your necklace, Hermione.
Hermione: That’s not my necklace – it’s Harry’s.
Hermione: Ya – and don’t get me started on his earrings.
Ron: I finally found the car keys. They were in my pocket the whole time.
Hermione: Great; now we have to walk six miles back to the car.