Week of August 18, 2013
‘Aw, guys, the paparazzi found us.’
Ron: *Whispering* The key to intimidating Snatchers, Harry, is to make yourself look bigger, like this. That scares them.
Harry: Like this?
Ron: No, not sideways, that makes you look smaller…!
Harry: What if I stand far away, like this?
Ron: No, that also – ah, never mind, just take us to Malfoy Manor.
The trio searches desperately for the end of Deathly Hallows, Part I.
And so Ronald, being the only one not frozen in the game of Freeze Tag, was confronted by the Snatcher Freeze Tag champion…
-The Doctor’s Daughter
‘Bloody… didn’t we just leave this party?’
Ron: Harry, a Snatcher! What should we do?
Harry: Hmm, let’s see. You have a wand, why don’t you try one of the spells we know? Stupefy, Petrificus Totalus, Jelly-Legs Jinx. Anything, really. Maybe one of the ones you used when we were taking down those two guys in the cafe earlier.
Ron: Actually, there are more of them than I expected. I think we should just get away.
Harry: Okay, then. Just apparate. If we get separated, we always have your little ball of light thing.
Ron: Actually, I was thinking we’d run.
Ron: It’ll make for a better cinematic experience.
Harry: But, they’re all around us. Surely they’d come after us right away.
Ron: Nah, these guys look kind of lazy. They’re sure to give us a head start.
Harry: Well, alright, then.
*Both start running*
David Yates: Johnson, stop wandering into the shot! Oh, well, we’ll just make you a Snatcher.
Johnson: Yes, it worked! Hollywood, here I come!
And at exactly the wrong moment, Fred and George’s Laxative Lollies worked their magic.
Snatcher: Did you really think wearing camouflage would help? We see everything.
Ron: What? My mother knitted this outfit!
Snatcher: Oh… well, this is awkward.
Snatcher: ‘I’ll be honest. We’re only after you for the crime of wearing plaid.’
‘Harry! Come and look! It’s the mirror again, and I’m the prefect!’
Ron: Harry! I just had a great idea! Why don’t we all just apparate away?
Harry: Umm… well… because, then we’d be separated!
Ron: That’s better than dead!
Harry: Plot purposes, Ron! Gosh!
Suddenly, a snatcher appeared. Harry, thinking quickly, attempted to mimic its behaviour so that it would recognise him as one of its own. Ron resorted to a more classical technique, puffing out his chest and slowly spreading his arms, in an attempt to ‘make himself big’. Hermione just rolled her eyes, because this was the third such encounter this week. Harry and Ron kept forgetting about the defensive spells.
Ron: Where did you come from?
Snatcher: I’ve been hiding in this bush for six weeks, and finally someone came by!
Ron: Wow, you’re very dedicated to your job.
Snatcher: Yeah, I used to work as a Lighter of the Beacons in Middle Earth, so this is nothing.
Ron: You think I’m an ignorant savage and you’ve been so many places, I guess it must be so. But still I cannot see, if the savage one is me, how can there be so much that you don’t know? You… don’t… knooooow…
Snatcher: Where’s that music coming from?