Week of September 8, 2013
‘Is this the guy that can teach us how to succeed in business without really trying?’
‘You’re right! One more face lift and he will look like Joan Rivers.’
Snatcher: How can we find out if this is really Harry Potter?
Scabior: Simple. We use the patented Scabior Method. Observe. *Picks up a flower and starts pulling petals off.* He is. He is not. He is. He is not. He is. He is not. He is, he is not. He IS! Aha! Looks like you’re in trouble, boy!
Death Eater: Love me, love me, say that you love me…
Scabior: We got a picture of you running through these woods. If you don’t talk, we’ll show it to everyone and tell them you’re trying to be like Edward Cullen.
Harry: Okay, okay, I’ll talk!
Scabior: Darn, you are prettier than me.
Harry: I exfoliate.
‘Oh my gosh. Snape lied. He does not have Lily’s eyes.’
Snatcher: Wow, so that’s what a bee allergy looks like. That is rough, little dude.
Harry: Buzz off.
Snatcher: Boys, we have a clever one here. Fenrir, lunch time!
Death Eater: Anything to say, Potter?
Harry: Yeah. Why does your breath smell like dung beetles?
Death Eater: *Turns to the other Death Eaters* They weren’t chocolate covered beetles?
Group of Death Eaters: *All laugh*
Scabior: ‘I haven’t seen a face that ugly since *slyly glancing at Greyback* first meeting you, Fenrir…’
Scabior: ‘I don’t know, guys. He kinda looks like that dude from The Woman in Black.’
-The Doctor’s Daughter
‘Harry, who are these people? I thought I was your best friend!’
Scabior: Come on, Potter! We want more information!
Harry: But I swear that’s all I know about the Fantastic Beasts movie!