Week of September 15, 2013
Bellatrix: Do you recognize this person?
Draco: I don’t really remember. I think he was some unimportant Gryffindor who fancied himself MY rival. Imagine, a serious rival to a Malfoy! Needless to say, I never noticed him much.
Lucius: I never thought I’d hear myself say this, but we should have raised Draco to be a little less self-centered…
Lucius: What are you grinning at, boy?
Harry: I’m sorry. I just see you all standing there and the ‘Addams Family’ theme pops in my head.
Lucius: Don’t you realize the severity of your situation?!
Harry: *Singing softly to himself* They’re creepy and they’re kooky, mysterious and spooky…
Lucius: Yes, son.
Draco: Is that Cousin Itt from The Addams Family?
Lucius: I… I believe it is. The Dark Lord has many allies.
Draco: ‘What did you do to his face, and could you teach me to do it to Weasley’s face, too?’
Harry: Wait, I’m not –
Draco: Did I tell you to speak, peasant?!?!
Lucius: That’s my boy!
Ron: This family is messed up…
Bellatrix’s ventriloquist days were short-lived and celebrated for their brevity.
Draco: Come on, Aunt Bella, get up. We can’t do our “YMCA” dance without you.
Draco: Why is your face all puffed up?
Everyone Else: Oh my gosh, Draco! You can’t just ask people why their faces are puffed up!
Draco: ‘No, I think he looks more like Allen Ginsberg.’
Draco: This isn’t Harry.
Lucius: Are you sure?
Draco: Yeah, I’m sure. Harry is taller, his eyes are a little closer together, hsi hair is scruffier, and he has the softest, most kissable looking lips…
*Everyone stares awkwardly*
Draco: I did not mean to say that out loud…
Bellatrix: Is this him?
Bellatrix: Well, you know who.
Draco: No, I don’t think this is the Dark Lord. I could be wrong, though.
Draco: ‘Father’s drunk, and the only guests are Death Eaters and Gryffindors. Worst birthday party ever.’
Lucius: Bellatrix, put that knife down! How many times do I have to tell you to not kill Harry Potter until the Dark Lord gets here?
Bellatrix: But he’s taking so loooooooonng!
Ron: Is Bellatrix always this… um… enthusiastic?
Narcissa: Oh, this is nothing. You should see her on Torture Tuesday…
Draco: So, Potter, prepared to die?
Harry: Can I Phone a Friend?
Draco: No, you used that option. All you have is 50/50 or Ask the Audience.
Draco: ‘I swear on my grandfather’s elaborate marble tombstone if there is ONE caption about me hugging Voldemort, I will hunt you down, decimate everything that you love on this good earth, and then set my aunt on you (the crazy one not the nice one).’
Draco: This wouldn’t have happened if you’d just shaken my hand in the first book.
Bellatrix: But I wasn’t in the first book.
Draco: NOT YOU!
Lucius: ‘Bellatrix! Stop it! Just because you didn’t win the scavenger hunt doesn’t mean you can just eat the winner!’
-The Doctor’s Daughter