Week of September 29, 2013
Harry: Dobby! …where were you in the fourth movie?!
Dobby: Dobby’s sorry, sir. Dobby was making a TV show at the time and the network would not let Dobby out of his contract. But then an executive producer gave Dobby clothes and Dobby was free of his contract, sir — free to come back to Harry Potter for the last movie, sir.
Ron: I don’t even want to know.
Dobby always lost confidence when he was picked to go into the center of the ring. He was a loyal and brave friend, but he had never been a good dancer.
‘You said HOBBY? I thought you said ”Dobby.”’
Dobby: And watch out, because Bellatrix has a knife.
Harry: Why would she carry a knife when she has a wand? A knife is a Muggle weapon, she wouldn’t approve of that.
Dobby: I’m just saying, be careful –
Harry: Dobby, that is the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard. Come on, let’s go.
Luna: And some day, there will be a movie about my future grandfather-in-law.
Harry: Sure there will, Luna.
Dobby: I’m not actually a House-Elf. I’m a human, just like you, only a few years older. But I smoke three packs a day. It stunted my growth and ruined my skin.
Ron: I have to admit, Dumbledore’s new anti-smoking campaign is pretty effective…
Harry: I’m quitting tonight!
Dobby: What do you mean, you’re having a party in the dungeons with the Dark Lord?!
Harry: Yes, he just locked us in the dungeon for a moment while he grabs snacks! Uhh… hey, wait…
Ron: Thank you, Luna, for wearing overalls. Now my fashion choices will look good by comparison.
Luna: You’re welcome, Ronald. I was going for a retro hipster take on country style. What was the guiding principle of your outfit?
Ron: I hate my life.
Dobby: Bellatrix didn’t recognize you?
Dobby: Even though your face is the most recognizable face in the world, and only half of it is swollen?
Dobby: And Ron and Hermione, who she knows are your best friends, were with you?
Dobby: Wow, she’s not very clever, is she?
Bellatrix: *Shouting* I wasn’t wearing my glasses, okay?!
Harry: Dobby, can you get us out of here?
Dobby: Sorry. I’m back with the Malfoys. I’m now union.
Harry: We’ve got to get out of here!
Luna: Out of here? Why should we leave our lovely home?
Harry: Uh, I think you’ve been stuck down here too long. This is a prison cell.
Luna: Nonsense. I’ll make tea. *Starts miming the actions of making tea*
Ron: Dear god, ‘Loony’ Lovegood has gone loony! At least Mr. Ollivander has maintained his sanity.
Mr. Ollivander: *Gestures to an imaginary table* Please have a biscuit.
Harry and Ron: Aaaaaaahhhhhh!!!
Luna: Draco’s son looks weird.
Dobby: I’m an elf.
Luna: Sorry, but the resemblance is uncanny.
Dobby: ‘Be honest, sir. Does this pillowcase make me look short?’
Harry: Dobby! …Where are the socks I gave you?
Harry: You didn’t like them?
Dobby: Of course I did! I just-
Harry: *Sobs* Yeah, right! Go away, leave me alone!
Ron: Harry, you moron!
Ron: What do you mean you get to be in the ‘Fantastic Beasts’ movie?
Dobby: I am an elf, sir.
Harry: But aren’t House-Elves classified as ‘beings’?
Dobby: Dobby ain’t complaining, sir.
Harry: Dobby, can you help us?
Dobby: Look, Harry Potter, I tried to save you from going to Hogwarts 5 years ago. I tried to talk you out of everything to do with the Chamber of secrets. I brought you food at school when you needed it. I was cleaning the common room when your friend Miss Granger was leaving socks out for every other house elf. I stole gillyweed for you. I told you when that Umbridge woman was about to break up Dumbledore’s Army. I spied on Draco Malfoy for you. I told you about the Room of Requirement. Start doing things yourself you lazy git. *Disapparates*
Dobby: D-Dobby s-saw…
Harry: You saw what…?
Dobby: D-Dobby saw… *Shivers*
Ron: Come on Dobby, just spit it out!
Dobby: Dobby s-saw Snape dancing to ‘Ice Ice Baby’!
Irish Accent: Sorry. I’m Dobby’s Irish cousin McDibby. I’ll get him for you. *Vanishes*
‘Dobby wanted to succeed in business without really trying. But all Dobby got was socks. Why is that, Harry Potter?’
Harry: *Sighing* ‘I said that we should lobby to get out of the dungeon, Luna. Not that we should take Dobby out for a luncheon.’
Mr. Ollivander: I know you two. Holly and phoenix feather, 11 inches, nice and supple. And who could forget ‘ol willow and unicorn hair at 14 inches? You see, I remember every single wand I’ve ever sold. Every single one.
Ron: Do you know our names?
Mr. Ollivander: ‘Names’?