Week of November 3, 2013
‘I should buy a boat.’
Snape: Headmaster, do you think these floor-to-ceiling windows on the upper floors of the castle are a bit unsafe?
Dumbledore: Why, no, Severus, don’t be silly. The idea of someone falling to their death at Hogwarts is simply absurd.
‘Third year in a row, my Fantasy Quidditch team is the Green Bay Packers.’
In an old castle in Scotland with a headmaster who pines,
Lived six hundred students in two straight lines.
In two straight lines they were hit in the head,
Put under Unforgivable Curses and lived in dread.
They were tortured at half past nine,
In two straight lines in rain or shine.
The smallest one was Madeline.
Snape: *Looking into the Mirror of Erised* For the last time, I swear my greatest desire isn’t mountains!
He kicks the mirror; the image in the mirror changes to a picture of a broken mirror.
Snape: Yes! …wait, no, THAT’s not what I want most either…
Now look closely, everyone. Which do you see: a crankly potions professor or a pair of pants in a box?
Snape: ‘Foggy day, low pressure system directly ahead… no wonder my sinuses are acting up!’
Snape was sad, despite his new Tallscreen TV.
Filch: From here, you look like a bottle of shampoo, which is ironic since you don’t use any.
Snape: Shut it, Filch!
Snape: ‘I am the headmaster of this school; I can do whatever I want. Attention, students! Before we begin the term, let’s play a game. Simon says. Freeze. Simon says walk. Simon says freeze. *Mutters* This is going to be a good year.’
Snape was delighted at how well his life-size cardboard cutout worked to keep his classes in order when he needed a coffee break.
As Snape watched the epic final battle unfold beneath him, one question entered his mind: was that really what Miss Granger’s hair looked like from the back?