Week of November 10, 2013
Bill: ‘The food may suck, but I get to kiss the cook!’
‘This war is seriously harshing our honeymoon…’
Fleur: Oh there you are, Rachel [McAdams]! About time! *Lifts boiling pot*
Bill: Blimey! Where’s Harry’s Invisibility Cloak when you need it? …It’s only the rent man, and we don’t have a knut to our name!
Fleur: Oh! Ma chere…
Bill: I really hate all of you right now.
Harry: Why? What did we do?
Bill: I’ve got a super hot, young and insatiable part-Veela wife. But, she’s no exhibitionist. Why do you think we live in the middle of nowhere?!
Hermione: Thanks for the outfit, Fleur, but may I ask why you (of all people) have clothing so akin to that of Bellatrix Lestrange?
Fleur: May I ask why you (of all people) require those clothes?
Bill: Well, goodbye everyone. Fleur and I are moving to Egypt, where I actually get to do interesting things instead of just being some background character.
Harry: But wait! We need you to briefly foreshadow how the interesting stuff we’re about to do in Gringotts will go horribly wrong!
Fleur: Au revoir, little boy!
Today on Lifestyles of the Witches and Wizards Not-So-Famous, we’ll briefly visit the home of Bill and Fleur Weasley: just two of the many fun characters in the books that barely got more than brief cameos in the films. Here they are, standing in their kitchen. Next up: Winky the House-Elf. Did she ever marry Dobby? And, if so, did he insist on being paid?
Fleur: ‘Welcome to the kitchen, Harry, Ron and Hermione. This is my kitchen. Should I not be in the kitchen, Bill will be in charge. Should Bill not be here, the mug he is holding is in charge. Should either Bill or myself be away, the frying pan is in charge. Should the frying pan be waiting to be washed…’
With the purchase of 5 additional frying pans, Fleur was ready for her Blue Man Group audition.
Harry: What are you cooking?
Fleur: Harry, I’m making you a smoothie.
Harry: But I hate smoothies.
Fleur: But after He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named gets through with you, you’ll be taking most of your meals through a straw. Thought you should get used to it.
Bill: Just because she’s beautiful doesn’t mean she’s an optimist…
Fleur: ‘Je parie que tout le monde utilise un traducteur en ligne pour comprendre ce que je dis.’
Bill and Fleur were surprised to see Harry wearing one of Fleur’s dresses, although they could not deny that he looked beautiful.
-The Impossible Girl
Bill: Coffee, anyone?
Ron, Harry and Hermione shake their heads.
Bill: You’ll need it. Fleur’s cooking is really bad. See the bread on the table? *Picks up the bread and drops it on the ground. It creates a hole in the floor and keeps going down levels.*
The Trio: Yes, coffee seems great!
Friend: *Entering the Caption Contest* Fleur is ‘Russian’ to see what’s at the door.
Me: She’s French, you idiot.
Bill felt slightly threatened when Suddenly-Hot-Neville came to visit.
Bill: Yeah, this house isn’t much; but with all the sand around it and the two dead people found near it, Luke Skywalker was happy to sell us his uncle’s house. It even came with R2-D2.
Dobby: I am not R2-D2. I am an elf.
Bill: See! He makes funny high noises.
Bill: Hey, Fleur, how come we didn’t get more scenes in the books? I mean, we’re the coolest characters in the series, right?
Fleur: I know! You’re like Indiana Jones and David Bowie put together!
Bill: Right, and you’re… very hot.
Fleur: Really? Is zat all you can say?
Bill: Well, do you did do rather poorly in the Triwizard Tournament.
Fleur: I’ll ‘ave you know I beat out my entire school to be in ze tournament.
Bill: Well, that just goes to show the quality of education at Beauxbatons.
Fleur: I’ve changed my mind! You’re not one of the cool characters in the series anymore! Now, it’s only me!
Bill: Oh, only you. How typical.
Ginny (offscreen): Yes! Divorce that hag!
Bill and Fleur: Ginny, go away!