Guaranteed to get you put in Azkaban!
- Offer him peanut butter fudge that you cooked yourself, and tell him that you named it Cornelius Fudge because it’s “nutty.” Make sure it’s sticky and overdone.
- Tell him that lime green isn’t really his color, and that he’s really more of a winter.
- Offer to take him to the mall to buy him so new clothes in different, more flattering colors.
- Try to get him to join a conga line with you and Voldemort and look very hurt if he refuses.
- Tell him that “Scrimgeour always seemed like so much more of an authoritative figure.”
- Make up a theme song for him to the tune of “The Brady Bunch” and sing it wherever he goes.
- Make up flyers containing the printed version of the theme song and hand it out to important Ministry officials.
- Try to get him to join S.P.E.W., because “elves are people too!”
- Paint a scar on your forehead and hop around singing, “We were telling the truth! We were telling the truth!” in an annoying, high pitched voice.
- Give his bowler hat to the giant squid. If he gets mad at you, tell him that you were just trying to show your care for all species. Make sure to stare at him with big, puppy eyes.
Submitted by: Amanda