Week of November 24, 2013
‘Please, sir. What can you tell us about The Last Great Time War?’
Harry: ‘I want you to draw me like one of your French girls.’
Ron: *Quietly, to Hermione* I guess it’s time for the big talk…
Hermione: I wonder what he’ll say when he finds out-
Harry: IT WAS JUST SPECIAL EFFECTS THE WHOLE TIME???
Ollivander: Yes, my boy, this stick of wood does not contain some supposedly magical substance because there is no such thing. Now get rid of those ridiculous glasses and go get a real job that doesn’t involve pointing a fake wand at a stereotypical villain and shouting in Latin.
Mr. Ollivander: I’m sorry, Mr. Potter, but he tortured me! He took that clip from “New Moon” of Robert Pattinson taking his shirt off and played it over and over again, on a loop for hours!
Harry: It’s okay, sir. Under those circumstance, I would have talked eventually too.
Ollivander: ‘Hmmm, Cedar wood, graphite core, 7.5 inches long. Harry, this is a pencil.’
Olivander: It’s changed its allegiance.
Harry: How do you know?
Olivander: It just told me, didn’t you hear it?
Harry: Griphook, get out from under the bed!
Mr. Ollivander: I’m a living example of what happens when you don’t comb your hair.
Hermione: Harry, listen to the man. Comb your hair.
Ollivander: ‘No, Mr. Potter… This wand is decidedly longer than yours.’
Ollivander: Walnut. Dragon heartstring. This was the wand of – er… You know. That one person. Who bought this wand. Some time in the past, probably. Oh, and this person has magical powers. And is now without a wand. You know.
Harry: Bellatrix Lestrange?
Ollivander: Exactly! I never forget.
Mr. Ollivander: He’s after you, Mr. Potter. You really don’t stand a chance.
Harry: But – but that can’t be! Every year, I always defeat evil by June!
Harry: ‘The thermometer goes where, sir?’
Ollivander: ‘Ah, yes. Wood from the morning tree. Eight inches. Hard.’
Ollivander: This was the wand of Draco Malfoy.
Harry: Was? Isn’t it still his?
Ollivander: Perhaps not. If you took it -
Harry: – I did -
Ollivander: – then you are a thief! Shame on you!
Ron: Harry, the next time you’re alone with a creepy old man and you scream ‘get your hands off my wand…’
Harry: Yes, yes, I’m sorry about the false alarm.
Harry: Mr. Ollivander, we were wondering if you could tell us what this is.
Ollivander: Well my boy, if I’m not mistaken, and I never am about these things, it is a wand.
Harry: I see.
Ron: See, I told you.
Hermione: I knew it.
Harry: Thank you, Mr. Ollivander. You’ve been very helpful. We’ll leave you to your thoughts.
Mr Olivander: Oh thank you, Harry. *Eats the wand*
Harry: You just ate my wand.
Mr Olivander: I thought that celery stick tasted wood-y.
Ollivander: Did you just talk to Griphook?
Harry: Yeah. Why?
Ollivander: Oh, nothing. Well… did he say anything about me?
Harry: He asked what you were doing.
Ollivander: Can you tell him nothing much, what is he doing?
Harry: Don’t mind them. They’re just my KGB minders.
Ron: We’re looking to make sure he doesn’t defect.
Harry: I give you… the Elder Wand.
Mr Olivander: Nice. *Pockets wand*
Harry: I need it back.
Mr Olivander: Need what back?
Ollivander: What’s up with the denim shirt?
Harry: I borrowed it from Hermione. Laundry day.
Mr. Ollivander: ‘The wand chooses the wizard, Mr. Potter. It’s not always clear why, but sometimes it is very clear. For example, when young Tom Riddle was chosen by that wand with the weird bone handle, I tried to point out that he was obviously evil. But would anybody listen to me? Noooooooooo.’
Ron decided his placement in the room was not because he was inferior to Harry and only there for comic relief but because the shadows made him look mysterious and awesome. Yes, that was it.
Olivander: And the stockings were hung by the chimney with care, in hope that Dumbledore soon would be there…’
-The Doctor’s Daughter
Ollivander: The idea of the Dark Lord in possession of the Deathstick is, I must admit… formidable.
Harry: What do you mean?
Ollivander: I’m just saying it would be interesting. If he became more powerful.
Harry: In a good way?
Ollivander: Not necessarily. But it would be cool. And great.
Ollivander: Death to Harry Potter.
Harry: … what?
Harry: You talk about wands like they’ve got feelings, like they can think for themselves.
Mr. Ollivander: Yes, they are much like tea cozies in that way.
Harry: Tea cozies?
Mr. Ollivander: And chairs and table cloths. They all think for themselves and they all talk to me.
Harry: *scoots away*