Week of December 1, 2013
Griphook: Here we meet our first challenge. We have to… get up these stairs.
Griphook: ‘Good morning?’ ‘Good morning?!’ You’re Bellatrix Lestrange, not some dewy-eyed schoolgirl!
Ron: So, does this mean Hermione was wrong to bring along our homework?
Hermione: But we can work on it while we’re riding the tram down to the vault!
Griphook: Absolutely not! We’ll have more important things to worry about.
Hermione: Come on, we can multitask!
Bellatrix: ‘Harry! I don’t know what you hope to accomplish with this meeting, but I will NOT DATE GRIPHOOK!’
-The Doctor’s Daughter
Hermione: ‘Harry, you can’t keep using that elixir to keep you young! You can see, Ron and I have moved on! We’re allowing ourselves to age! Why don’t you do the same?’
Harry: Bellatrix. Thank God I found you. Listen. The others are trying to break into Gringotts, but if you and Greyback wait by the-
Hermione: Harry it’s me.
Harry: Oh…. well… this is awkward.
Harry: You’re Bellatrix Lestrange now, so you’re going to need to do some really awful things to keep your cover.
Hermione: You mean like… hand my homework in late?
Harry: Um, worse than that.
Hermione: How about I… don’t do my homework at all? Wow, am I out of control!
Harry: Oh boy, this might take a while.
Harry: Why was Diagon Alley made unplottable?
Hermione: To keep out Muggle tourists, of course. Why go to Florida or Spain when you can spend your holiday shopping in the dankest, dirtiest, most claustrophobic outdoor shopping mall in Europe?
‘Sirius, I told you to bring bells for tricks, not Bellatrix.’
Harry: Ron, your face looks terrible! That Polyjuice potion is really something!
Ron: I haven’t had any.
Harry: Oh. Um, how about those Chudley Cannons, eh?
Harry: Are you guys sure this is an extraordinHARRY plan?
Hermione: I think he has some BELLAtricks up his sleeve…
Ron: I’m sure there’s nothing wRONg.
Griphook: Hurry up, we need to get going. Time is ‘short’!
Griphook: All right. After that mix-up, we need to find out whether this is Hermione pretending to be Bellatrix, or Bellatrix pretending to be Hermione. How should we do that?
Ron: Hey, I’ve got an idea! Why don’t we Apparate into Hogwarts to get the last Horcrux?
Hermione: For the last time, Ronald, you CAN’T Apparate OR Disapparate on Hogwarts grounds!
Harry: It’s Hermione.
‘Who wants to walk up the dark alley first?’
Griphook: ‘Harry, STOP HUMMING!’
And they all got high in the alley. Well… not Griphook. He got medium.
Harry: Just be careful. We don’t want to come out one man short…
Everyone: *Looks at Griphook*
Griphook: Very amusing, Potter. Just remember who has the key to your parents’ fortune.
Harry: Why do you look so worried, Hermione?
Hermione: I don’t know if I can pull off being nasty.
Harry: Sure you can, just think of Ron with Lavender.
Griphook: All right, here comes Voldemort. You’re Bellatrix, so you’re going to have to act… interested.
Griphook: It’s necessary to keep character. You want us to get that Horcrux, don’t you?
Hermione: Nope, no way! I’m out.
People: *Caroling loudly off-key*
Hermione: It has begun…
Ron: Brace yourselves, my friends…