Week of December 22, 2013
Hermione: Congratulations on your new play, Harry! Of course, none of us get to be in it since it takes place before you discovered Hogwarts, but at least you get to do something while the rest of us can only live on in fan-fiction.
Harry: Do I detect a note of bitterness in your voice?
Hermione: *Dripping with sarcasm* Oh, no! I enjoy getting to return from summer vacation with ‘curves in all the right places‘ for the millionth time!
‘I’m afraid you can’t join the ginger/almost ginger club, Harry…’
That awkward moment when you come back from the dead and decide to crash your own funeral, only to find that everyone you love is celebrating.
Harry: Hermione, don’t you want to spend Christmas with your own family?
Arthur: To Harry, the boy who saved my life!
Everyone: Harry! *Starts to drink*
Molly: NO, GINNY, YOU’RE TOO YOUNG FOR ALCOHOL!
Arthur: Harry! So nice to see you!
Arthur: You still can’t wear my fabulous party hat.
Arthur: ‘To Har… you’re not wearing a scarf? MEN WEAR SCARVES, HARRY.’
Fremione Shippers: ‘Yay! It looks like they’re holding hands!’
-The Doctor’s Daughter
Arthur: What a wonderful Christmas we’re having in spite of our lack of money! If only we had someone to pay for Ginny’s expensive operation so that she won’t have to die.
Lucius Malfoy: *Watching outside the window* Stop showing me these things, you so-called ‘Ghost of Christmas Present!’
Everybody: Merry Christmas! Cheers!
Harry: And Happy Kwanzaa!
Arthur: ‘As you can see, Harry. We Weasleys drink blood. Hermione is drinking juice. Would you like delicious blood or plain boring juice?’
Fremione and Geormione shippers break out in a massive war, leaving Dramione shippers the only humans left on Earth…
-The Doctor’s Daughter
Arthur: Harry’s been really angsty this year. I’m hoping the Christmas spirit will cheer him up.
Harry: *Enters room*
Everyone: Happy Christmas, Harry!
Harry: WHY IS THERE NO GINGERBREAD?! I WANTED GINGERBREAD!
Hermione: No, Harry, don’t throw the table over again!
Arthur: To… LINE!
Arthur: Sorry. I know I can get it right.
Director: Okay… Take 47…
Arthur: ‘And, last but not least… I would like to thank Harry. The boy who is possibly possessed by Voldemort, and was therefore probably somewhat in control of the snake that nearly killed me. He could have stopped the snake. But he didn’t. And now I’m finally a cool character that the fans will respect. So, thank you.’
Harry: Hey, everyone!
Mr. Weasley: Harry, you saved me!
Mrs. Weasley: Without you, Mr. Weasley over here would be dead.
Ron: This food is AMAZING! *Stuffs face with food*
Arthur: ‘I was going to toast Harry, but I’ve just heard the Chinese have landed a rover on the moon. This only confirms that China will soon be the world’s dominant superpower. Therefore, I’ve decided to be prudent. *Raises glass* To our new Chinese overlords!’
Hermione: ‘Harry, you are NOT the real Slim Shady. Please, sit down.’
Arthur: ‘So, Harry. You come to ask me for a favor on this, the day of my daughter’s wedding.’
Fred: Guess what, Harry? Dad’s decided to run for Minister of Magic. His campaign slogan is, ‘Weasley is Our King.’
Hermione: I told them it was taken.
George: And that’s why you didn’t get a campaign scarf.
Every Weasley in the kitchen liked Christmas a lot,
But the Boy Who Lived, their guest at Grimmauld Place, did not!
The Boy hated Christmas, the whole Christmas season.
Please don’t ask why, no one quite knows the reason.
It could be, perhaps, that Umbridge made him hate all things bright.
Or maybe with Voldemort back, he just couldn’t see the light.
But I think that the most likely reason of why,
May have been that his teen angst was two levels too high.