(to the tune of “Dentist” from Little Shop of Horrors.)
When I was young and just a bad little kid.
My mama noticed funny things I did.
Like shooting half-bloods with a stunning spell.
I’d poison pixies, it’s fun, I can tell,
I’d find a pussycat and jinxed it’s head,
Thats when my mama said,
What did she say?
She said, my boy I think some day,
You’ll find a way,
To make your natural tendencies pay.
You’ll be a teacher. (He’ll be a teacher)
You have a talent for causing great pain.
Son be a teacher. (He’ll a teacher)
People will pay you to be inhumane. (Inhumane)
Your temperament’s wrong for the ministry.
Son be a teacher,
you’ll be a success.
Here he is folks, the master of potions,
Watch him suck up that fumes, oh my god.
He’s a teacher and he’ll never ever be any good.
Oh that’s wrong. Wait, I can fix it.
Ah shut up, where’s your toad, we will try.
I am your teacher,
And I enjoy the career that I picked. (Love it)
I’m your teacher, and I get off on the pain I exert. (Really love it)
I thrill when I take points off of houses, (Not fair)
And swell when they tell me I’m mal-adjusted. (Brain-sick)
And though it may cause my pupils to stress. (To stress)
Somewhere, somewhere in heaven above me, I know, I know
That my mamas proud of me.
(Spoken) “Oh mama”
Cause I’m a teacher, and a success.