Week of March 30, 2014
The Hogwarts Drama Club’s production of Return of the Jedi would have been a great success, if only the Storm troopers’ costumes had arrived in time.
Amycus: ‘I think the marching is great, but do we have to play Pink Floyd’s The Wall every time?’
Amycus had only one remaining goal as Deputy Headmaster: to rid the school of the overpowering aroma of Axe Body Spray. He was considering using the Imperius Curse.
Amycus: ‘Green light… green light… red light!’
Student: ‘Despite everything that’s happened this year, I still think Gryffindor stands a good chance of winning the House Cup. Especially if Harry kills Voldemort. That’s gotta be at least two hundred points right there.’
Death Eater: Stop!
No one stops.
Death Eater: Simon says, ‘Stop!’
Snape descended the steps toward the waiting crowd of Hogwarts students a little apprehensively; though he would never admit it, he was nervous about what they would think of his new haircut.
Student #1: That does it! I can’t stand waiting in this line for pumpkin juice any longer! I hate Snape! I’m going to go kill him!
Thirty minutes later, Student #1 returns…
Student #2: What happened? Did you kill Snape?
Student #1: No. The line to kill Snape was too long, so I decided to come back here.
Lines for Black Friday midnight deals were longer than expected.
And so, Emerson released the thousands of children who had been imprisoned until the release of Mugglenet 3.0 because they had ‘heard too much…’
-The Doctor’s Daughter