Week of April 20, 2014
McGonagall: Potter. What do you need?
Harry: I need beef, rosemary, carrots, potatoes, parsley and salt.
McGonagall: I see Miss Granger is cooking up another potion to defeat Voldemort.
Harry: …No. We are making Beef Stew.
Filch: Ma’am? Would it be okay… If I were to… hang a few Slytherins by their ankles? They’re going to the dungeons anyway.
McGonagall: Very well.
Filch: *Teary-eyed* Finally, my dream has come true!
McGonagall: Mr. Filch, please, as punishment, put all Slytherin girls in the dungeon and make them have my hairstyle.
Professor McGonagall: ‘No, Potter, Professor Snape’s surprise party cannot have a ”shampoo” theme. Does anyone else have any ideas?’
McGonagall: Students, I assume you all know why I have called you here tonight?
Harry: Umm, to warn us about the Dark Lord coming?
McGonagall: No, Potter, not at all.
Ron: To warn us to look around all corners before entering a room?
McGonagall: Not exactly, Weasley.
Hermione: Why, then, Professor?
McGonagall: It is to address the issue of teeth brushing. You see, several students here have not been taking proper care of their plaque, and…
Harry and Ron: This could take a while…
Minerva: ‘Well, Miss Parkinson, you’re just jealous because I’m simply more fabulous than you.’
Pansy: ‘Why are you allowed to wear green without being in Slytherin?’
The REAL reason the Slytherins were sent to the dungeons.
McGonagall: Back in my day, we didn’t have to worry about Slytherins or Dark Lords.
Pansy: What? You mean back when Earth was created? *Slytherins giggle*
McGonagall: Mr. Filch, please escort the Slytherins to the dungeons.
McGonagall: Let’s lock the Slytherins in the dungeons while their parents die up here.
Rest of School: Yay!
McGonagall: ‘Now, students, the reason you are uncomfortable is because the elves have put starch in the laundry and everyone is chaffing.’
Voldemort: *voice-over* If my nose is not returned by midnight, I shall kill every man, woman and child, who helps withhold it. You have, one hour.
McGonagall: All right, time for a blonde joke.
Pansy: Um, Professor, you should know that all 250 of us Slytherins are true blondes.
McGonagall: Aww. I don’t want to have to explain the joke 250 times…