Week of June 29, 2014
Hermione: Why would I know Parseltongue?
Ron: Okay, this plan wasn’t very well thought-out.
Ron: This is it, Hermione, the entrance to the Chamber of Secrets!
Hermione: Looks more like the home of Bilbo Baggins’s evil twin…
Ron: I didn’t know Bilbo Baggins had an evil twin!
Hermione: He doesn’t…I just meant –
Ron: Oh I get it, you mean like the personification of the part of Bilbo’s psyche that’s corrupted by the Ring, which becomes a part of himself that is not himself, a metaphorical Evil Twin?
Ron: I totally should have studied Literature
Hermione: Well let’s concentrate on saving the world first
Hermione: Ron, when I said that the door to the Chamber of Secrets was fascinating, that didn’t mean I wanted you to put it at the entrance to our cellar.
Ron: But it looks perfect here!
Hermione: ‘Honestly, Ron, when you said you wanted to show me how good you were at Parseltongue, I thought you meant some kind of kissing.’
Hermione: ‘You did it, Ron. All right now let’s go in. *The door opens. There is a putrid smell.* Did no one bother to clean up the dead Basilisk?’
Hermione: Oh no, I dropped some of my candy in there!
Ron: I guess, ‘her Skittles will lie in the Chamber forever.’
‘I feel like if we stare at it long enough, it’ll do some crazy snake thing and open.’
Hermione: Before we go in there, I want to say I love you, Ron.
Ron: Aw thanks. *He walks into the chamber. Hermione shuts him in.*
Ron: ‘Mmmm Hermione, your sssssshampoo sssssmellssss sssssoo good. Sssshould we ssssneak through this ssssnake door now?’
Hermione: To open the door, say ‘open sesame.’
Ron: Open Sesame….. Seed bun with two all beef patties, special sauce, lettuce, cheese, pickles and onions.
*Hermione face palms*
Ron: ‘Banksy’s gone too far with this one.’
Hermione: Snakes. Why’d it have to be snakes?
Ron: Asps… very dangerous. You go first.