Rate My Professors: Defense Against the Dark Arts Edition

Choosing which professor to take is hard work. Picking a good professor who fits your learning style is very important. If you choose the wrong one, you will be stuck with them for the rest of the year. You want to make sure that you will learn enough to pass your OWLs and NEWTs. By rating the last seven Defense Against the Dark Arts professors, I hope to make your choice a little bit easier. Whom will you choose?

1. Quirinus Quirrel

Hotness: ✓

Overall Quality: ★★★★

Average Grade: Exceeds Expectations

Textbook(s): The Dark Forces: A Guide to Self-Protection by Quentin Trimble

Sometimes he can be a little hard to understand, but he is always willing to explain things again. I liked him a lot more when he taught Muggle Studies, but he does know what he is talking about. He spent a long time teaching us about trolls.  He is a little weird and is  scared of his own shadow. Watch out for his turban! I swear I heard it sneeze the other day.

2. Gilderoy Lockhart

Hotness: ✓++

Overall Quality: ★★★

Average Grade: Acceptable

Textbook(s): Break with a Banshee by Gilderoy Lockhart, Gadding with Ghouls by Gilderoy Lockhart, Holidays with Hags by Gilderoy Lockhart, Travels with Trolls by Gilderoy Lockhart, Voyages with Vampires by Gilderoy Lockhart, Wanderings with Werewolves by Gilderoy Lockhart, Year with the Yeti by Gilderoy Lockhart

The textbooks are very expensive and not really worth buying. He doesn’t actually seem to know anything about Defense Against the Dark Arts. Most of his tests are about him. On the last test, one of the questions was about his favorite color.  If you suck up to him, you will get an Outstanding, so don’t worry about studying. I didn’t learn much in his class, but he is nice to look at, and he tells interesting stories.

3. Remus Lupin

Hotness: ✓+

Overall Quality: ★★★★★

Average Grade: Exceeds Expectations

Textbook(s): The Essential Defense Against the Dark Arts by Arsenius Jigger

One of my favorite professors! I learned so much about how to defend myself against magical creatures in his class. He is very nice and always willing to answer questions outside of class. He is absent a lot, though. Last time Professor Snape was our substitute, and that was not fun. Professor Lupin is great, and I hope he comes back next year!

4. Alastor Moody/Bartemius Crouch, Jr.

Hotness: ✓

Overall Quality: ★★★★

Average Grade: Exceeds Expectations

Textbook(s): The Dark Forces: A Guide to Self-Protection by Quentin Trimble

His class is very difficult, but if you work hard you will get a good grade. Just make sure you practice constant vigilance around him. I heard he likes to turn students into animals when they aren’t paying attention. Some of his methods are questionable, but I love that he has so many practical demonstrations to complement the readings. He really knows what he is talking about.

5. Dolores Umbridge

Hotness: ✓

Overall Quality: ★

Average Grade: Poor

Textbook(s): Defensive Magical Theory by Wilbert Slinkhard

Who let this lady into Hogwarts? She spends too much time teaching to the test without actually letting us practice the spells we will be tested on. She lectures directly from the textbook. It is very hard to stay awake, but make sure you do. You do not want a detention with her. They are brutal. She has this weird grudge against Harry Potter, and whatever you do don’t mention You-Know-Who in front of her. One of the worst professors I have ever had, and one of them had You-Know-Who under his turban. 100% would not recommend.

6. Severus Snape

Hotness: ✓+

Overall Quality: ★★★★★

Average Grade: Acceptable

Textbook(s): Confronting the Faceless

He is a very tough professor. There are a lot of papers and a ton of required reading. If you forget to do it, he will know. As long as you do all of the work he is a great professor. He can be a little harsh at times, but that is because he is passionate about the subjects that he teaches. He is very knowledgeable about the Dark Arts and how to defend yourself against them. Just try to avoid having class with the Gryffindors and especially avoid having class with Harry Potter. He is a very tough grader, so do not expect any Os.

7. Amycus Carrow

Hotness: ✓

Overall Quality: ★

Average Grade: Poor

Textbook(s): Unknown

In this class, all you will learn is how to cast Dark spells and torture other students. Avoid it at all costs. I don’t know why this man was allowed to teach children. If you get put in his DADA class drop it immediately. Avoid getting into trouble. He and his sister are in charge of punishing students, and most of the punishments involve being victims for the DADA torture classes.

 

Do you have any reviews of these professors? Whom would you like to see rated next? Let us know in the comments.