Mus’ Love Dragons an’ the Like: Hogwarts Dating Ads
*Please note: You must be at least a fourth year in order to participate. All dating ads were fashioned with Colin Creevey’s Quick-Quotes Quill and will be posted in…
Must Hate Spiders
Well, I’m a fourth year. I’m keen on someone, but she’s my best friend, so I’m not sure she’d ever look at me – well, you know – like that. Erm, maybe don’t put that in my listing. Scratch that. Hey! Forget it. I’m just looking for someone smart and funny. With a Veela’s looks, ideally. I mean, I’m not exactly handsome. Or too good at anything, honestly. Mum says I am, but she’s got to say that; I’m her son. The sweaters don’t really help. But that’s Mum. She tells Fred and George they’re handsome and they’re no Victor Krum either. Hey, stop laughing! Harry, you git, get out of here. This is supposed to be anonymous! Don’t tell Fred and George what I said. Actually, go ahead. I’m still livid that they turned my teddy bear into a spider that one time. Dirty great spider…
Mus’ Love Dragons an’ the Like
I’m a teacher at Hogwarts. I like ter think o’ meself as an overseer or a landlord, ter be honest. Lord o’ the land. Sounds… better than what I am. Don’ even got me wand, but don’ write tha’ down. Nothin’ wrong with Squibs either, but I’m not a Squib. A misunderstandin’ is what it was. Anyway, the missus mus’ love animals – all sorts o’ the like – an’ long walks in the dark forest, hangin’ on ter me crossbow when she gets scared. But she won’ need ter be; got lots o’ friends in there. She mus’ love hair – lots o’ hair on me friend Aragog. Oh, on me too, I guess. Musn’ mind a bloke with a big heart. I’ve got one big as a melon. Idea of a good time? I’d have ter say spendin’ a night at the Three Broomsticks with some mulled mead followed by some singin’ around the fire… Oh! An’ she mus’ love her blokes a little… big. Blimey, not like tha’, not like tha’. Forget that las’ part. Jus’ on the heavier side is all… An’ the taller side as well. Much taller. An’ she mus’ be alrigh’ with gettin’ her hair a little nipped by a blaze here an’ there. Raisin’ some little beasties righ’ now an’ there’s not too much extra room in me hut. But she’d be able ter share me cot as long as she doesn’ mind a little drool. From Fang, not from me. Though I’ve been known ter drool after a bit too much o’ the drink, ter be honest. I’d sleep on the floor like a gentleman, I would. Tuck her in an’ throw a quilt over her when she got tired… make her three differen’ kinds o’ rock cakes when she slept so she wouldn’ wake hungry – wouldn’ wan’ tha’, nope, wouldn’ wan’ that at all. I’d have ter ask Dumbledore if things were ter get serious, but I’m sure Dumbledore’d be happy if I found meself a mate. Good man, Dumbledore.
Must Love Socks
Ah, love. How wonderful it is to be young and feel the tremulous strumming of cupid’s clever fingers on love’s heartstrings. Well, I’m afraid that the person whom I loved has long since passed. Not an agreeable person either, as it turned out. Not the best choices. Ability, oh yes. But his choices… In my old age, I find that a nice pair of woolen socks and a basin full of memories will suffice. Lemon drop?
Must Love Sarcasm
I will not answer to such a ridiculous query. I have more important things to do. And if I catch any of you in my potions closet in some heinous effort to brew some illicit Love Potion, it’ll be straight to the dungeons for detention. Now, while you’re here – with a penalty of 100 points deducted if you are mistaken – what would I get if I added powdered root of asphodel to an infusion of wormwood?
Moody and Perhaps… Ready to Mingle
What’s the point? She’s already going to the ball with somebody else. I made a fool of myself asking her in the first place. But I suppose I’d say I’m looking for someone who can handle being with me. No, I’m not being “facetious,” Hermione, whatever that means… Ron, stop grinning. Should we go over what happened between you that Veela girl from Beauxbatons? Exactly. I mean, I guess I like the idea of having a girlfriend, but I’m not sure it’s the right time. I’ve got a few demons to fight first. Er, not demons. Dragons. One dragon, actually… I hope. Hagrid has been all smiles about the whole thing, which must mean it’s really, really bad. I just hope I don’t get that Hungarian Horntail…