Funny Excerpts

Funny Excerpts from the Seventh Book Page Two

"How do you feel Georgie?" whispered Mrs.Weasley.
George's fingers groped for the side of his head."Saintlike," he murmured.
"What's wrong with him?" croaked Fred, looking terrified. "Is his mind affected?"
"Saintlike," reapted George, opening his eyes and looking up at his nrother. "You see...I'm holy. Holey, Fred, geddit?"
Mrs.Weasley sobbed harder than ever. Color flooded Fred's pale face.
"Pathetic," he told George. "Pathetic! With the whole world of ear-related humor before you, you go for holey?"
"Ah well," said George, grinning at his tear-soaked mother. "You'll be able to tell us apart now, anyway, mum."

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"The sooner this wedding's over the happier I'll be." [Ron]
"Yeah" said Harry, "then we'll have nothing to do except find Horcruxes....It'll be like a holiday, won't it?"

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"I was awake half the night thinking it all over, and I believe it's a plot to get the house."
“"The house?”" repeated Harry. "What house?"
"This house!" shrieked Uncle Vernon, the vein in his forehead starting to pulse. “"Our house! House prices are skyrocketing around here! You want us out of the way and then you’re going to do a bit of hocus-pocus and before we know it the deeds will be in your name and—“--" "Are you out of your mind?”" demanded Harry. "A plot to get this house? Are you actually as stupid as you look?”"

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“"How'’s Norbert doin’?”
"“Norbert?”" Charlie laughed. “"The Norwegian Ridgeback? We call her Norberta now."”
"“Wha—-- Norbert’s a girl?"

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"Ron, you know full well Harry and I were brought up by Muggles!"” said Hermione. “"We didn’t hear stories like that when we were little, we heard ‘Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs’ and ‘Cinderella’—“."
"What’s that, an illness?"” asked Ron.

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"But before [Uncle Bilius] went loopy he was the life and soul of the party,"” said Fred. "“He used to down an entire bottle of firewhisky, then run onto the dance floor, hoist up his robes, and start pulling bunches of flowers out of his—“."
"Yes, he sounds a real charmer,"” said Hermione, while Harry roared with laughter.
"Never married, for some reason,"” said Ron.

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Somewhere in the distance they could hear Peeves zooming through the corridors singing a victory song of his own composition:

We did it, we bashed them, wee Potter’s the one, And Voldy’s gone moldy, so now let’s have fun!

"Really gives a feeling for the scope and tragedy of the thing, doesn'’t it?"” said Ron.

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"What are you doing with all those books anyway?" Ron asked.
"Just trying to decide which ones to take with us," said Hermione. When we're looking for the Horcruxes."
"Oh, of course," said Ron, clapping a hand to his forehead. "I forgot we'll be hunting down Voldemort in a mobile library."

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“"You know how to drive, I take it?”" [Dedalus] asked Uncle Vernon politely.
“"Know how to - ? Of course I ruddy well know how to drive!"” spluttered Uncle Vernon.
“"Very clever of you sir, very clever, I personally would be utterly bamboozled by all those buttons and knobs,”" said Dedalus.
He was clearly under the impression that he was flattering Vernon Dursley, who was visibly losing confidence in the plan with every word Dedalus spoke.

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“"If you think I’m going to let six people risk their lives - !"”
“--Because it’'s the first time for all of us,"” said Ron.
“This is different, pretending to be me – ”
“Well, none of us really fancy it, Harry,” said Fred earnestly. “Imagine if something went wrong and we were stuck as specky, scrawny gits forever.”

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“You can’t do it if I don’t cooperate, you need me to give you some hair.”
“Well, that’s that plan scuppered,” said George. “Obviously there’s no chance at all of us getting a bit of your hair unless you cooperate.”
“Yeah, thirteen of us against one bloke who’s not allowed to use magic; we’ve got no chance,” said Fred.

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“Arthur and Fred – ”
“I’m George,” said the twin at whom Moody was pointing. “Can’t you even tell us apart when we’re Harry?”
“Sorry, George – ”
“I’m only yanking your wand, I’m Fred really – ”
“Enough messing around!” snarled Moody.

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“Do ghouls normally wear pajamas?”
“No,” said Ron. “Nor have they usually got red hair or that number of pustles.”
Harry contemplated the thing, slightly revolted. It was human in shape and size, and was wearing what, now that Harry’s eyes became used to the darkness, was clearly an old pair of Ron’s pajamas. He was also sure that ghouls were generally rather slimy and bald, rather than distinctly hairy and covered in angry purple blisters.
“He’s me, see?” said Ron.
“No,” said Harry. “I don’t.”

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Ron: “Sure you’re not thinking of Gorgovitch?”
Harry: “Who?”
“Dragomir Gorgovitch, Chaser, transferred to the Chudley Cannons for a record fee two years ago. Record holder for most Quaffle drops in a season.”
“No,” said Harry. “I’m definitely not thinking of Gorgovitch.
“I try not to either,” said Ron.

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Hermione made purple and gold streamers erupt from the end of her wand and drape themselves artistically over the trees and bushes.
“Nice,” said Ron, as with one final flourish of her wand, Hermione turned the leaves on the crapapple tree to gold.
“You’ve really got an eye for that sort of thing.”
“Thank you, Ron!” said Hermione, looking both pleased and a little confused.
Harry turned away, smiling to himself.
He had a funny notion that he would find a chapter on compliments when he found time to peruse his copy of Twelve Fail-Safe Ways to Charm Witches.

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“Seventeen, eh!” said Hagrid as he accepted a bucket-sized glass of wine from Fred.
“Six years to the day we met, Harry, d’yeh remember it?”
“Vaguely,” said Harry, grinning up at him. “Didn’t you smash down the front door, give Dudley a pig’s tail, and tell me I was a wizard?”
“I forge’ the details,” Hagrid chortled.