Imagine if you will that standing at the cauldron next to this hardworking and serious Slytherin is a lovely, redheaded, Muggleborn girl who excels in school, particularly in Potions and, almost certainly, Charms. Not only is she smart and good looking, but she is also friendly, brave, straight-forward and doesn't take any dragon dung from anybody. Severus wants to detest her for her lack of bloodline and for the unpardonable sin of being sorted into Gryffindor. But she doesn't rise to his slights and barbs. Either she laughs him off or cuts short his taunts, or she bests him. He must admire her, if only grudgingly. He hears Professor Slughorn praise her to the skies over the years, while he gets an encouraging pat on the back. Yes, he gets excellent grades in Potions, and he is clearly gifted in the subject. But all he hears from Slughorn is Lily, Lily, Lily. He begins to watch the Mudblood work, sees her furrow her brow, looking first into her potions kit and then back at Borage's book, tapping her wand idly against the table as she reads. A little smile comes to her face as she reaches into her kit and pulls out... mint? Why mint? Severus makes a mental note and continues to follow the book's instructions. At the end of class, Slughorn gives a curt nod of approval to Severus' potion and then exclaims in rapture over Lily's. Mint. Severus makes a note in his potions book and vows to watch the cheeky Gryffindor more closely in the future.

He is mortified one day when she turns to him and whispers, "The clockwise stir comes after every seven counterclockwise. See? It's lightening nicely, isn't it?"

He turns away and tries to pretend he wasn't watching her work. As he glances back she is looking at him, half challenging him and half... encouraging him? She clearly sees through his pitiful ruse. "Go on. Give it a try."

He can't believe that she is speaking in this friendly manner to him. After all, he did call her a Mudblood, just last spring. But he was under extreme duress. She seems to have forgiven him, or at least chosen to ignore his insult. She is businesslike. Open and friendly, but not pushy, pleading or simpering, and she doesn't seem to be covering anything up. She is just... talking to him. As if to say, "Look, I'm a person, you're a person. Let's just forget that and try again, alright?" Slowly, he adds the clockwise stir to his potion, and... voila! It lightens. He looks back at Lily, who smiles at him and continues working.

In truth, she had always treated him this way, but he always ignored it. She has never taunted or persecuted him as the Marauders and other students have, and she has stuck up for him on more than one occasion. They always had a friendly, though careful, relationship. Yet he never expected to have a kind word from her again, not after last spring. And, in truth, it's hard to look her in the eye after that awful day, both because of his own humiliations and because of what he said to her. He is surprised by her apparent willingness to forgive his rude remark, and he becomes even more aware of her work and her personality as weeks go by.

Lily's intuitive nature intrigues Severus, who has always done things strictly by the book. Severus is brainy, creative and very powerful for a young wizard. But he is controlling of his magic, and very conservative in his approach. Lily's inventiveness and flexibility is compelling and challenging to him. He begins his own experiments and uses his precious Potions book to chronicle some of his favorites. As he jots down another note in the book one day, (he had seen Lily using an interesting technique to crush her sopophorous bean) he remembers with shame that horrible day at the lake. His face reddens as he sees Levicorpus (nvbl), where he wrote it some years before in the Potions book. (While this is the first year Snape has been in NEWT level potions, he has had the book for years [it was his mother's], and has been chronicling his experiments and inventions of spells.) Seeing the carefully written incantation for the spell that Potter used against him is a humiliating reminder of that day by the lake. He remembers what he called Lily. He also knows, though, that his own father was a Muggle. That he, himself is a product of a mixed marriage, as are others in his House. No Slytherin speaks of or acknowledges this, and Severus plays up his mother's background and name in every way he can, in order to escape the taint of his ancestry. He quickly stifles any sense of camaraderie that he may feel with Lily and turns back to what he knows: become powerful enough that you do not need to depend upon anyone else. Survive and prosper through your own talents.

She is impervious to his rejection. She continues to be friendly as always, and Severus begins to soften towards her again. They exchange friendly words in class, and he finds he looks forward to seeing her. He says nothing and has no intention of admitting these feelings, which put him at risk of more hurt and rejection. However, her presence lightens his otherwise frustrating existence, and they have a sort of unacknowledged friendship.

Then, in their seventh year, he sees it: Lily and James, holding hands. He quickly compartmentalizes all feelings associated with Lily (as a good Occlumens is fully capable of doing) and cools towards her in class. Mercifully, Potter seems not to be hexing and cursing him when Lily is around, so he is spared the humiliation of having Lily stick up for him, which has happened more than once. He is back to feeling insignificant and, he discovers to his surprise and chagrin, jealous.

Dark Magic offers power and comfort, and he has a gift for it. It is appreciated in his House, and his abilities get him to a place of some power and respect, if not popularity. His temperament and abilities garner the attentions of a particular set of Slytherins, who begin to speak of the rise of Lord Voldemort. Severus is intrigued, and flattered by the attention. This might be the way to success and acknowledgment. It is in direct opposition to the hated Gryffindors and their ways, which is an added allure. He soon joins the group, and begins to follow Voldemort and aid his goals. His many years of experimenting with the Dark Arts have put him into a strong position to rise up the ranks of Voldemort's followers, though he is very young. His innate talent for Occlumency and Legilimency help him to sift through the intrigues, plots and lies surrounding him, and he begins to gain confidence in his ability to prosper and rise to a powerful position next to the Dark Lord. He has real talent, and he is a loner, without sentimental connections. Any beginnings of an opening of his heart were quickly locked away when Lily began to date James, and he has kept to his own path ever since. He begins to realize after a short time, though, that it is a slippery slope.

7/9/06

Posted by: Nicole

If you would like to contact Lady Lupin, you may do so at accio_septem at yahoo dot com.