A Break for Station Identification
The Magic Quill will return in a bit. Until then, hold tight for a moment of station
identification and a word from our commercial sponsors!
You are tuned in to the Wizarding Wireless Network, broadcasting at a frequency of 14 zillion
spells per second. Heard by listeners in 73 countries and dominions, with and without translating
spells. Programming is paid for, in part, by a grant from the Goblin Relations Council, dedicated
to improving the public image of goblins, no matter how many galleons it takes. Further support
comes from contributions from listeners such as Kermit Strange of Down Minky, who celebrated his
one hundred and twelfth birthday on Friday.
Tune in this weekend for the all-Balkan dragon rodeo, hosted by the first voice in wyrm sports,
Bob Roastas! Twelve daring young wizards will risk flame, horn, fang, and claw to compete for
this years title. Only one will winhow many will survive? Dont miss the roaring, snorting,
stamping action from eight to ten Saturday and Sunday!
The members of the Long Soaking Witches Auxiliary remind you to contibute your old costume
jewelry, knick-knacks, bric-a-brac, and lightweight keepsakes that you no longer need to keep,
to their ongoing Useless Junk Drive for the Muggle War Effort. Just leave any stuff you wont
miss in an upturned flower-pot on your back doorsill, and a collection broom will come by before
dawn tomorrow. As you know, even the most neglected articles accrue a bit of magical virtue after
many years in a wizarding home, and the Auxiliary believes a little magical leakage can create a
good luck charm for the boys overseas. The poor chaps need all the luck they can get, bless them.
The Chudley Cannons Booster Club of Weevilborough and the proprietors of the Double-Ended Newt
Inn wish to invite anyone who wishes to join them for a pre-game party on Sunday afternoon,
followed by a chance to watch the Cannons upcoming match against Pride of Portree on a
state-of-the-art, magical magnifying mirror. For the
forty-seventh year running, Mr. and Mrs. Lilys Cummings offer a free round of Ogdens Best
Firewhisky to everyone in the house in the event of a Chudley win. Remember, folks, bring a
pinch of Floo Powder, because apparating or flying under the influence is no way to travel!
Hey, you. You know Im talking to you. Do you have any idea what the Magic Quill should write
next? Send a short summary of your story idea to the Magic Quill, care of Robbie, thru
MuggleNets feedback form! Remember, it can be about anything going on in the wizarding world
EXCEPT stuff that may or may not happen in the upcoming Harry Potter books. Robbie is
particularly interested in finding out what stories the other characters may have to tell,
besides Spanky. Endora is a total mystery at this point. Harvey seems to have a lot going on in
the background. Can anyone clue us in?
Have you noticed that hygiene activities take up more and more of your time? Is all the bathing,
hand-washing, tooth-scrubbing, shampooing, and deodorizing taking up time that would be better
spent degnoming your garden or taking your broomstick for a spin? Now theres a line of products
made just for you! Its Scads-O-Suds! Yes, friend, theres no reason why you should have to brush
and floss two or three times a day. With Scads-O-Suds Seven-Day, Self-Flossing Whitener, you can
have a week of sweet breath, sparkling choppers, and healthy gums without all the brushing!
Simply swish a mouthful of Scads-O-Suds in your mouth for thirty seconds, spit and rinse, and
Scads-O-Suds will do all the work for you while you enjoy yourself! And why go through a cake of
soap every week when you only need to spritz yourself with Scads-O-Suds Full-Body Atomizer? Its
stronger than your pong. A little mist will have you smelling like a rose for a fortnight! And
what about all that dirty work in the garden, or the grease in the shed? Sick of getting yelled
at because you dirtied Mums hand towel when you went inside to wash? No worries! Just rub a
little Scads-O-Suds Powdered Glove on your hands, and shake the filth off. Rub your horrid mitts
together and behold! Your skin is as baby-smooth and clean as if you had just had a manicure! And
finally, wouldnt you rather go out with the lad than stay at home on Friday night washing your
hair? Put on the Scads-O-Suds Thaumacoiffe Nightcap, and it will shampoo, condition, and
perfectly arrange your hair while you sleep! Available in straight, curly, crimped, and braided
varieties, and your choice of wicked hair colors!
Dont miss it! This week only, were having a zero-down, zero-interest-for-six-months, inventory
clearance sale at Ted Murgatroyds Used Broom Shed, corner of Diagon Alley and Leroys Mews.
Choose from the brands you trust, including an impressive collection of low-milage, barely-flown
brooms owned by an elderly stalker of the renowned former Holyshead Harpies keeper Veronica
Wandwright. The poor fellow had to give them up for bottom dollar when Ms. Wandwright obtained a
beaks order forbidding him to send her anymore presents that had twigs in them. Also, take
advantage of the rare savings resulting from the bankruptcy auction of Ms. Livonia Frocksnappers
Finishing School for Magically Gifted Young Ladies, Britains most recent attempt to rival
Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, which went toes-up after a ninth consecutive year in
which there werent enough students in the school to field a regulation Quidditch team. Oakshafts!
Moontrimmers! Swift Sticks! Shooting Stars! Tinderblasts! Comets! Cleansweeps! Silver Arrows! We
even have a few non-Besom-type brooms, enchanted for flying by some of the broom-engineering
industrys most adventurous talents! Beat the crowd. Buy from Murgatroyds before the holidays,
and well throw in a twig-sharpener free of charge! Now youre flying!
Next week on WWN, tune in each night at eleven oclock and hear Nasal Drips farewell tour,
recorded live at the Hogs Head! Second only to their smashing Debut Tour last year, this bands
sheer loudness will thrill every nerve ending, and their lyrics will sear your soul! Freak out to
such wild songs as Im Not Your House Elf, Go Put a Hex On Somebody Else This Time, Did a
Doxy Bite You or Did You Always Look That Way?, and the Daily Prophet best-selling
musical spell of the year, A Pox On You and the Thestral You Rode In On. Get your handkerchief
out for the soulful ballads, such as I Thought You Were a Hag Until You Turned Around, and Is
This Love, or Have I Been Breathing Too Much Mugwort Smoke? And sing along to their immortal
hits, You Only Love Me The Way a Niffler Would, They Snapped My Wand But They Cant Take My
Bagpipes Away, and Werewolf Scratch Boogie. And if you listen to each nights program, you
may hear your name drawn as the winner of one of only fifty free tickets to hear Nasal Drips
final concert at the Leaky Cauldron, followed by an exclusive one-time offer of a memory charm to
help you forget their music.
Finally, before we return to our regularly scheduled program, remember: if you dont like the
Magic Quill, you have a chance to make it better. And if you do like it, you can help keep it
going. Send your ideas to Robbie, dont be shy!
What happens next? Send us your idea in 150 words or less, and tune in
next week for another installment of the Magic Quill.
If you'd like to contact Robbie (or the Magic Quill itself), you may do so