Harry Potter and the Evil Empire
Many of you know that I am a huge baseball fan. I’ll make no bones about
the fact that I’m a die-hard Red Sox fan. If you’re a Yankee fan,
and you don’t like that, don’t email me, because I can’t possibly
like you. (I’m kidding. I think.) If you’re a baseball fan as well,
I’m sure you’ve heard about the game’s best player, Alex Rodriguez,
being traded to the Yankees. Oddly enough, I’ve started to notice similarities
between the Yankee organization and Voldemort and his merry band of Death Eaters.
It’s actually a little scary.
Let’s start at the top, with the men in charge. The Yankees are run by
the uber-evil George Steinbrenner. He has way more money than all the other
teams, and he spends it. You can’t resist George. If you’re a marquee
player, and he wants you, you’re his. He has an awful temper, and is known
to fire employees while on tirades, regardless of whether or not they deserved
to be fired. He is the final say in all decisions; nobody does anything without
Georgie Porgie knowing about it. His ultimate goal is to dominate the baseball
Voldemort carries on many of these characteristics (notice I didn’t say
qualities, as there is no shred of a human soul in either man). Voldemort has
more pull than any other wizard in the wizarding world, and he also uses it
to his advantage. You can’t really resist Voldy. If you’re a wizard
and he wants you, you go with him or die. Vodlemort has a terrible temper, and
is known to just kill or torture his Death Eaters when his wishes aren’t
met. All decisions go through Voldemort, and there is no decision he doesn’t
know about. His ultimate goal is to rule the world.
Steinbrenner’s right hand man, General Manager Brian Cashman, has some
striking similarities to Voldemort’s right hand man, Peter Pettigrew.
Cashman is a little guy with glasses, who looks like he was picked last for
dodgeball at school. However, he is a fairly crafty individual, and he found
his way to the top of one of professional sports greatest organizations. However,
he is often the subject of Steinbrenner’s torment when things aren’t
going well, even if they aren’t Cashman’s fault.
Pettigrew is much the same. He was not a great wizard at school, but he hung
with the right crowd. He allied himself with a powerful (and evil) organization,
and became a high-ranking member. Voldemort is constantly giving him a hard
time; even when he hasn’t done anything wrong himself.
The Death-Eaters have a lot in common with the Yankee players. Death Eaters
are comprised of mostly powerful wizards, and most of them are rich. Not all
of them wanted to work for Voldemort, but were afraid that either A. He’d
kill them if they didn’t or B. He’d win the war and they’d
be killed for not joining his side. So they all sold out to him, because it
was the easy way out. Death Eaters are rewarded handsomely for doing great things
for He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named, and punished severely when they don’t.
Yankee players are all rich, because George pays top dollar. Many players go
there because they feel it’s the only way to win, if not for the mountains
of money he lays at your feet. Pinstripers are worshiped in New York when they
accomplish great feats. They are booed and ripped in newspapers when they do
Coincidentally, my beloved Red Sox (who are supposedly “cursed”
by the Yankees) act as Albus Dumbledore in this tale. They know they are not
quite as powerful as the Yanks, but they keep fighting anyway. They are the
mainstay in the war against the Yankees, the team that will never go away, and
at the same time never be able to match them financially. At some point, the
Yankee Empire will collapse (as all great empires do) and it will come at the
hand of the Red Sox, much like Voldemort’s empire will collapse at the
hands of Dumbledore and Harry. (This year’s candidate for Red Sox Harry
is Curt Schilling.) So while it’s a dark time now, for baseball and Harry
Potter, fear not. The Sox and Dumbledore will see us through to the other side.
Time for this week’s movie quote. It goes a little something like this:
“And remember, Red, hope is a good thing. Maybe the best of
all things. And no good thing ever dies.”
Good luck, and I’ll talk to you all soon!
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