Top Ten Signs Your Kid is a Wizard 10. When he enters a room there is a burst of purple smoke
9. You say, "Do you think that lawn is gonna mow itself?" But then it does
8. He gets busted shoplifting a newt
7. Can turn lead into gold, but he can't remember to take out the trash - am I right, parents?
6. He wears shiny red satin robes - and you're praying he's just a wizard
5. Favorite discount electronics store: "The Wiz"
4. He refers to Halloween as "amateur night"
3. He's only 12, but somehow he's dating Gwyneth Paltrow
2. His favorite excuse is that "his homework ate the dog"
1. You catch him in the bathroom polishing his wand

(From "The Late Show with David Letterman")

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Top Ten Signs the Actor Playing Harry Potter is Too Old
10. Uses magic spell to convince store clerk to sell him beef and cigarettes.
9. Character's trademark lightning-bolt scar is now obscured by liver spots.
8. He flies around on a magic walker.
7. New movie includes several scenes of Harry shouting at neighborhood kids to get off his lawn.
6. Title of his next movie: "Harry Potter and the Quest to see Cameron Diaz Naked".
5. Harry won't shut up about how baseball hasn't been the same since the Dodgers left Brooklyn.
4. Demi Moore has stopped visiting the set.
3. He's the new spokesman for Lipitor.
2. 70 percent of his lines: "What'd you say?"
1. He's often mistaken for Letterman.

(From "The Late Show with David Letterman")

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Top Ten Names for Ron, Harry, Ginny, Luna, Neville and Hermione by Bob Sindeldecker

10. Black's Avengers
9. Potter's Raiders
8. Dumbledore's S.A.S.
7. Order Of The Veil
6. Mysterious Six
5. The Vanquishers
4. The Inner Circle
3. The Potter-Granger Group
2. The Thestralliers
1. Harry's Heroes

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Narcissa Malfoy's Top Ten Disgustingly Cute Names for Draco by Bob Sindeldecker with help from David Middleton

10. Ickle-Drakey-Wakey
9. Drakey-Dookie-Diddy-Dums
8. Drakey-Diddy-Dobby-Doo
7. Snoogie-Woogie-Drakey-Poo
6. Drakey-Dinky-Dookie-Doodums
5. Drakey-Poopsie-Oopsie-Goo
4. Drakey-Dimsy-Mimsy-Doo-Doo
3. Drakey-Doody-Sweetie-Dookums
2. Dipsy-Doopsy-Drakey-Poo
1. YOU %!#@&* BRAT!!!