Veritaserum, Swelling Solution, Amortentia

Eric: Ah yes, certainly, Andrew. Our first segment - we have two segments to do on this donation show for Haiti and the first one we're actually calling "Veritaserum, Swelling Solution, Amortentia." You guys may be familiar with certain late night talk show hosts that do a similar game which I will not go into. But we've had a variation of that game for some time on MuggleCast, and we've actually just changed that up for this event. Basically, what's going to happen is we're going to be giving three characters from the Harry Potter books, and the co-hosts and possibly listeners will be able to chose which of those characters they would give Veritaserum to, which character they will give the Swelling Solution to, and which character they'll give the love potion Amortentia. The result is that one of the characters tells you their deepest, darkest secrets, the second character grows to enormous size, and the third character falls in love with you.

Andrew: But first we - before we get into it, I have an update. We can officially announce now that we have now raised, in just 35 minutes, $5,360!

[Trumpets sound]

Matt: Yay!

Andrew: So Jamie, for the MuggleCast fans and anyone else who wants to see you eat healthy burgers - [laughs] - you better get cooking!

[Micah laughs]

Jamie: Wow, when you say it like that it doesn't sound that exciting when you say it like that.

Andrew: [laughs] Get cooking, that's all.

Jamie: I probably wouldn't watch it, but watch it.

Andrew: But hey, even if you're listening to the - the recorded version of this make sure to go to TheHPAlliance.org/Haiti and get donating. Enough money simply cannot be raised. So thank you to everyone who's been donating and please continue to donate to be eligible for some really cool prizes. The number was just updated again - $5,500.

Matt: That is so awesome.

Andrew: So there you go. Okay so now - [laughs] - back to our segment. Let's do a couple of examples, and then we're going to have people call in, and our number is 1-218-206-2442. Call in when I tell you to - not yet - call. Eric Scull - no, no - no offense, but you just did the intro. Jamie, I'm going to give you three options. You have to decide which person is going to take the Veritaserum, which person is going to take the Swelling Solution, and which person is going to take the Amortentia, which is the love potion. Make sure your girlfriend is not in the room, this may create an awkward situation otherwise.

Jamie: All right, all right, all right. Go on then.

Andrew: Okay, your three choices are [laughs] Cornelius Fudge, Rufus Scrimgeour and Dolores Umbridge.

[Eric laughs]

Jamie: Oh, wow. Thanks - thanks for giving me those three.

["Jeopardy" countdown plays]

Andrew: Well, you're welcome.

Jamie: Oh, wow! All right - so one to fall in love - all right, I would probably want Umbridge to tell me her deepest - actually, no, no I wouldn't. Oh, god! It's tough. I would want Umbridge to tell me her deepest, darkest secrets because I don't like her, and I think she has a very, very sordid past. It's disgusting and horrible. And then I would want Cornelius - no, Rufus Scrimgeour to - no, no, no. I want Fudge to keep growing in size because he's quite big anyway, and I think he'd reach a very funny shape if he carries on growing in size.

Andrew: That's true.

Jamie: Then I'd want Scrimgeour to fall in love with me because I think I could end him because I don't like him and I think he's scrawny.

Andrew: [laughs] Okay.

[Andrew and Micah laugh]

Jamie: That doesn't really make sense, that doesn't make sense but...

Andrew: Very nice reasoning inflection.

[Matt laughs]

Jamie: Thanks.

Eric: Good job.

Matt: You want him to fall in love with you so you can kill him.

[Andrew and Micah laugh]

Jamie: Yeah I want to kill him. I want to give him a taste of his own medicine. I don't - I don't think he's very nice. I want him to fall in love with me...

Eric: Didn't you hear Bill Nighy, Jamie? He's a tragic hero.

Jamie: Yeah well he's cool, Bill Nighy. But in the books he isn't very nice. So I'd weave him with a web of - I'd tell him I really cared for him and then I'd tell him all these things and then I'd just beat him down.

Matt: Aw, that's sweet.

Eric: Well I - I think that - I think that your choices were great. Everybody wants more Fudge.

Andrew: [laughs] Everybody wants... [laughs] Yeah! Whoa!

Matt: Okay.

[Everyone laughs]

Andrew: Nice joke. I get it. Okay, Micah?

Micah: Yeah.

Andrew: Which one would you give Veritaserum potion? Which one would you give Swelling Solution, and which one would you give the love potion? Your three options are, now listen. Nobody's - nobody's going to judge you based on what you choose but we - we just need to know your answer. Your choices are Dobby the house-elf, Winky the house-elf and Kreacher.

["Jeopardy" countdown plays]

Micah: Hmmm.

Andrew: [laughs] Which one do you want to fall in love with? Which one do you want to see grow? And which one would you like to see...

Micah: I guess I would give the Amortentia to Winky because if you look at her throughout the series I mean, she needs somebody. She really does.

Jamie: Aw Micah, that's a bit...

[Everyone laugh]

Matt: She's very needy though.

Jamie: A house-elf. A house-elf. You pervert.

Micah: No, she's absolutely destroyed after what happens with Barty Crouch and she needs somebody - she needs a shoulder to cry on.

Andrew: Okay.

Jamie: Micah. Micah.

Micah: What?

Jamie: You can't be with a house-elf. Like..

Andrew: Well, he only has - the only options are elves.

[Everyone laugh]

Matt: He doesn't have any choices there, Jamie.

Andrew: All right. Who would you give the Swelling Solution to?

Micah: I'd give the Veritaserum to Kreacher because I think there's a lot more to learn from him, and then I guess give the Swelling Solution to Dobby.

Andrew: All right. Okay, very good. Jamie who did you give the Veritaserum to?

Jamie: Umbridge.

Andrew: What secrets do you think she would reveal?

Jamie: Really sick ones.

[Andrew laughs]

Jamie: Even though it's not a real character. And then they - I don't know.

Andrew: They could make some virtual reality thing out of it. Explore Umbridge's deepest secrets.

Jamie: Yeah exactly. Yeah.

Audience Plays Veritaserum, Swelling Solution, Amortentia

Andrew: Okay now that everyone at home knows how to play, please call in. 1-218-206-2442. 1-218-206-2442. And we'll give you some options to choose from. Now is also a good time to mention the HP Alliance and where to donate. TheHPAlliance.org/Haiti is the website that you want to be on to donate. Hello caller, can you mute your stream and then say, "Hello".

[Caller leaves his/her stream un-muted, and Andrew's voice repeats]

Andrew: Okay, so just so people know, here's how it works.

[Andrew and Matt laughs]

Andrew: You've got to mute your stream when you're calling in, and that way, you're talking to us on the actual phone. Let's try it again. Hello, caller. You're on MuggleCast Live as part of Helping Haiti Heal. Finished, awesome. Well, we're getting some great calls today. This is why we - hello, caller.

[Andrew's voice echoes again]

Andrew: Hello, caller. Hello? 480, you're live. Okay, people are just calling in and making a joke out of this. This is not a joke. Here we go. Hello, Christine. Hello, Christine.

Caller: Hello?

Andrew: Hi. You're on MuggleCast Live.

Jamie: Hey! Someone.

Caller: Hi!

Andrew: Hi. Welcome. How much have you donated today?

Caller: So far I haven't because I have to convince my mom to let me borrow her credit card, but...

Andrew: Oh, okay. Convince her. You're eligible to win some great prizes and also helping a great cause at the same time.

[Caller and Matt laugh]

Andrew: But you know that.

Caller: Yeah.

Andrew: So anyway...

Jamie: Now that...

Andrew: Are you ready to play "Veritaserum, Swelling Solution, Amortentia"?

Caller: Yes.

Andrew: Okay, your three choices are - let's see, I want to give her some good ones - okay, Bathilda Bagshot, Newt Scamander and Kennilworthy Whisp.

["Jeopardy" countdown plays]

Caller: Okay...

Jamie: No one knows anything about them.

[Andrew and Caller laugh]

Andrew: That's what makes it challenging.

Caller: Ummm... [laughs]

Jamie: Ooh, the clock's running down.

Caller: Yeah, okay, so...

Andrew: No pressure.

Caller: Okay. So, I'd probably give the - wait, hold on, what are the three choices again?

Andrew: [laughs] They are Bathilda Bagshot, Newt Scamander and Kinil - Kinilithyworth - Kennilworthy Whisp.

Matt: You can't even pronounce the name. How does she even know who he is?

[Andrew laughs]

Eric: Okay. Newt Scamander wrote Fantastic Beasts...

Caller: Yeah.

Eric: Kennilworthy Whisp wrote Quidditch Through the Ages, and...

Jamie: Yeah, that's right.

Caller: Oh, okay.

Eric: Yeah.

Caller: Okay, so I'd probably want to know some of Bathilda Bagshot's secrets because with living near the Potters and everything, she'd know a lot of cool things.

Andrew: Yeah.

Caller: And probably - the other two are kind of similar, it's kind of...

Jamie: You should give...

Caller: I guess I'd give the Amortentia...

Andrew: Okay.

Caller: ...to - Newt Scamander because...

Jamie: He's got a cool name?

Caller: Yeah.

Andrew: He's got a cool name.

Caller: Yeah, sure.

Andrew: There you go.

Caller: And then the last one would go to - he would just grow because...

Eric: Yeah...

Caller: I don't know.

[Andrew laughs]

Eric: I think it would be ironic if you gave Scamander the Swelling Solution because then he himself would become a fantastic beast.

[Andrew laughs]

Caller: Oh! That's good.

Jamie: Yes he would, yeah. That's a good answer.

Andrew: All right, well, thank you Christine for calling in and playing.

Caller: Thank you so much!

Andrew: All right, bye.

Caller: Bye!

Jamie: Buh-bye!

Andrew: That was some very serious reasoning she went into.

Jamie: Yeah.

Andrew: All right, let's try one more. Hello caller, you're on MuggleCast Live!

Caller: Hey.

Andrew: Hey, what's your name?

Caller: My name's Dennis.

Andrew: Have you donated any money today, Dennis?

Caller: No, not yet, but I plan on it.

Andrew: All right, excellent. Well, you know the rules; you know how to play, right?

Caller: Yep.

Andrew: Okay, here you go. Here are your three choices: Tom Riddle Jr., Barty Crouch Jr., and Bertha Jorkins. Go!

["Jeopardy" countdown plays]

Caller: I'm sorry, what was the last one again?

Andrew: Bertha Jorkins.

Caller: I guess I would use the Veritaserum for Riddle Jr. because he seems kind of twisted. So I'd know stuff about him.

Andrew: Yes. Okay, good reasoning.

Caller: What were the two other things you had to do to them again? Sorry.

Andrew: They are Tom Riddle Jr., Barty Crouch Jr., and Bertha Jorkins.

Caller: I guess I would do, I don't know - I guess I would do Engorgio to Bertha Jorkins because - I don't know, she seems kind of, I don't know...

Andrew: Good reasoning, I get it.

[Everyone laughs]

Caller: And then the last one was Barty Crouch?

Andrew: Right.

Caller: And what was the last thing again? To happen to him?

Andrew: Amortentia, Swelling Solution, Veritaserum.

Eric: So it's love potion.

Caller: So I guess I'm...

Andrew: Love potion, yeah.

Caller: So I guess I'm stuck with Barty...

[Everyone laughs]

Caller: ...which kind of sucks.

Andrew: Forever and ever. Okay, Dennis. Well, thank you for playing.

Caller: All right, thank you.

Andrew: All right, bye.

Jamie: Thanks!

Make the Connection

Andrew: Okay, well let's move along now to our final segment for today, and then we've got to wrap it up. I think - yeah, we should. This next segment, "Make the Connection", we actually haven't done this in a while. And Jamie...

Jamie: No, we haven't.

Andrew: Jamie started this segment, so we're going to bring it back. Let's stick with us doing it.

Jamie: Yeah, all right.

Eric: Okay!

Micah: That's probably the best idea, yeah.

[Andrew laughs]

Micah: You never know what Jamie's going to come up with.

[Andrew laughs]

Jamie: Oh, I've got some good ones today, I tell you.

Andrew: So, here's how it works, for those of you who don't know. Jamie names something - it could be something completely random. By the way, I should mention, I have a brand new co-host here at the MuggleCast studio. She's a new full-time co-host, her name is the Fat Lady. And hello Fat Lady, would you like to make any first words for your first appearance on MuggleCast?

The Fat Lady: Password?

Andrew: Who said that?

[Andrew and Matt laugh]

Andrew: That was creepy!

Jamie: Andrew, can she see you when you're changing and going to bed and stuff?

Andrew: Yeah, she stares at me night and day and wakes me up in the morning.

Jamie: How rude.

Andrew: Yeah, it's quite creepy. Anyway, I just like having her here. So how it works is Jamie will name a random object - it could be something completely random. And we have to make a connection to Harry Potter with it, in any way, shape or form. It's quite - it can be quite challenging. So Eric, why don't you take the first one? You're usually good at spinning these.

Jamie: No, Andrew, Andrew - it can't. It can't, because I've made special ones for certain people.

Andrew: Ooh!

Jamie: So Micah...

Andrew: Okay then, go ahead.

Jamie: I've given you a really hard one.

Matt: [laughs] Okay.

Jamie: But...

Andrew: Go ahead.

Jamie: So I thought we'd start stuff off with a really, really easy one - which I think this one should go to Eric. Which you said anyway so it doesn't matter, but Eric, you have to make a connection between Harry Potter and Twilight.

[Matt laughs]

Jamie: Just to get stuff rolling.

Eric: Between Harry Potter and Twilight?

Andrew: Yes.

Jamie: Yeah.

["Jeopardy" countdown plays]

Eric: Jeez, I have to forfeit this one, Jamie. I can't think of a single comparison.

[Andrew and Matt laugh]

Eric: The wicked characters in Twilight, well Bella Swan are just so - they don't stick up for themselves, they have no - they have all sorts of issues, they're not independent women and I think that J.K. Rowling has made a point of really enforcing that, the strong will of female characters. Let's just say the supernatural - and werewolves! Werewolves are the connection.

Jamie: Werewolves, there you go. There you go.

Andrew: All right.

Eric: Well actually - technically they're shape shifters, if you read Twilight.

Jamie: Well, people on the chat are saying the obvious one - which I didn't actually think of - which is Robert Pattinson, which I guess is an actual connection.

[Andrew laughs]

Andrew: That's a very good connection.

Eric: That's an actual connection, yeah.

Jamie: That's a proper connection, isn't it?

Andrew: All right, what's your next one?

Jamie: All right Eric, that was pretty good. All right Matt, here's a special one for you, which I'm sure you'll realize why as soon as I say it. You have to make a connection between Harry Potter and being on The Price Is Right, and specifically being asked to come down. So the actual connection is between Harry Potter and being asked to come down, rather than just The Price Is Right.

Andrew: For those of you who don't know, Matt was on The Price Is Right about a year ago. So go ahead, Matt, make the connection.

["Jeopardy" countdown plays]

Matt: I'm the worst with this game, because I still don't know how to play this after three years. Okay. Make a connection in general or in the series?

Jamie: Whatever you want, it's up to you.

Matt: Well I'm going to say if - okay, Harry Potter, being one of the Triwizard Tournament, his - the one thing he had to do was had to be on The Price Is Right and be a contestant and being so popular, he was the one who got called down and all of the other Triwizard champions didn't get called down.

Andrew: Or you could have just said he got selected...

Jamie: Yeah. That's all right, that's all right.

Andrew: You could have said he was selected as one of - he was one of the four contestants, like there's four contestants on The Price Is Right.

Matt: Yeah, that's what I said.

[Andrew laughs]

Matt: That's exactly what I meant, there you go.

[Andrew laughs]

Eric: That is actually what he said.

Andrew: Oh, okay. Whew! All right, good. All right...

Jamie: All right, that's pretty good, yeah...

Matt: Yeah...

Jamie: All right, Andrew this one's for you...

Andrew: Okay.

Jamie: Because you like this song, I think, so. You have to make a connect between Harry Potter and the song "Poker Face" by Lady Gaga.

Andrew: Oh, no. I would have to bring up lyrics, and/or play the song.

Jamie: Aww...

Andrew: To help...

Jamie: But, how about the concept of having a poker face?

["Poker Face" by Lady Gaga starts to fades in]

Andrew: The concept - well as we know, Lady Gaga's whole thing is, she's always hiding behind the mask, and I feel like the Death Eaters are comparable to Lady Gaga and what...

Jamie: Oh yeah that's not bad, yeah.

Andrew: They're always hiding behind their poker face, and so I suppose the connection would be - Lady Gaga is always trying to hide from the fame, as are the Death Eaters. And I bet they play poker in their spare time.

Micah: Or you could have said Snape...

Jamie: Andrew, that was not bad.

Matt: Not fair, you knew this - you already had this prepared.

Andrew: I didn't - I just - Jamie, have you given this list to anyone?

Jamie: No what? - no, no, apart from on the thing.

Andrew: Yeah.

Eric: It's in the schedule.

Andrew: I don't have the schedule up. I did not cheat.

Micah: Snape would have been a good one, too.

Jamie: Well Andrew, I thought that was pretty good.

Andrew: Thanks.

Jamie: I thought that was academic.

Andrew: Thank you. Why Snape, Micah?

Micah: Well I mean, he's got to have a poker face all the time, doesn't he?

Andrew: [laughs] Oh, that's true.

Matt: Oh yeah.

Micah: So people don't know which side he's on.

Jamie: Oh yeah, that's true. Yeah.

Andrew: [sings] "My, my, my, my, Snape Face."

Jamie: That doesn't work as well, but... [laughs]

[Micah laughs]

Andrew: No? My Severus face...

Matt: Se, se, se, Severus face.

[Andrew laughs]

Jamie: That's all right, yeah.

Andrew: Okay, and I guess...

Jamie: All right. Micah. On to Micah now. Micah I hope you forgive me for giving you this one. This is the most ridiculous thing I've ever seen in my life. Okay? All right you have to make a connect between Harry Potter and the act of asking a street performing stick insect to operate a piece antique farm machinery.

["Jeopardy" countdown plays]

[Andrew and Matt]

Micah: Well, you know, I guess you could compare Xenophilius Lovegood to a performing stick insect. And - I have no idea. Maybe...

Andrew: Well...

Micah: ...publishing The Quibbler on that piece of machinery he had at his house?

Andrew: Oh, okay. That's good.

Micah: [laughs] No? I mean I don't know what else to go with.

Jamie: I don't know. I think that's pretty good.

Andrew: That's - that's good enough. [laughs]

Jamie: That's good enough, yeah.

Andrew: I like how we go from Lady Gaga to insects with machines on the street.

Jamie: Yeah.

Andrew: By the way, TheHPAlliance.org/Haiti so far has raised $7,400!

[Trumpets sounds]

Andrew: Very good. Can we get to 10,000 in the next few minutes? May be hard.

Jamie: That'd be awesome if we do...

Matt: Hey Jamie, Jamie, How about double or nothing?

Jamie: Yeah definitely, definitely. I was thinking that - yeah, ten burgers. Ten burgers and $10,000.

Andrew: All right, by some extreme power if we can raise $2,500 in the next five minutes, because that's how much time we have left. Then Jamie will go double or nothing.

Jamie: It goes double, aw, ten burgers, and then...

Andrew: That's kind of unfair. That's unfair. [laughs]

Matt: Yeah, I mean, regardless Jamie, you're still eating the five.

Andrew: Yeah.

Jamie: I'm still eating five, whatever happens. Yeah, whatever happens from now on.

Andrew: Okay, so where are we? Okay, Eric. He is the final one today I do believe?

Micah: No, he already went.

Andrew: Oh.

Eric: Yeah, Jamie gave me the first one. Twilight.

Andrew: Oh, oh yeah.

Jamie: The first one.

Andrew: I completely forgot. So we're done.

Eric: So you're giving me another one? No.

Andrew: Are we done?

Micah: Yeah.

Jamie: Yeah, we're done.

Andrew: All right, excellent. Well I think that actually wraps up the show today. I hate to say it. Any other comments from you guys about raising money for Haiti?

Jamie: Give generously.

Andrew: Give generously.

Matt: Yeah.

Show Close

Andrew: Yes. And I've got to say thank you to everyone who has been involved with the planning of this. There has been so many people - of course the HP Alliance, you saw Andrew Slack at the beginning of this, Melissa Anelli from The Leaky Cauldron has put in a tireless amount of work with this - so many other people as well. I can't even name all of them but - there's going to be a credits page at the end of the show and maybe we'll - everyone who's played a part in this - and hey, there's still three hours of fantastic show to - still to come. I just wanted to let everyone know how appreciative we are of what everybody's been doing here, and I think that's about it for us. But coming up - coming up next, a message from Draco and the Malfoys, and they'll be followed by the wizard rock band Justin Finch-Fletchley. And then you'll be hearing from a visiting scientist at MIT who discusses Haiti, and he'll be followed by Hogwarts Radio, The Harry Potter Alliance and The Leaky Cauldron's PotterCast, and in between all those will be lots of wizard rock and more special appearances. So much, so much! There's so much so don't go away and - for now - we're going to throw it to Draco and the Malfoys and I just want to say - Eric, Micah, Jamie and Matt, thanks for being a part of this.

Jamie: Thank you.

Eric: Thanks for having us on, Andrew.

Micah: Yeah, thanks.

Andrew: Oh, you're welcome. It was...

Matt: Pickles.

Andrew: It was [laughs] Pickles - that was a very...

Jamie: [laughs] Pickles!

Andrew: ...tough decision. Now - anyway...

Micah: Or Bobfail.

Andrew: Bobfail, yes. People have been speaking to Bobfail - again...

Jamie: I don't even know what Bobfail is yet.

Andrew: We'll educate you after the show...

Jamie: All right.

Andrew: Again, thank you - everyone so much who's been listening, everyone who's been donating. Right now the total is $7,500. We hope to raise much, much, much more over the next three hours - so now we will take it over Draco and the Malfoys. Good seeing everyone and stick around for much more to come!

Jamie: Bye!

Andrew: Bye!

Micah: Bye.

Matt: Bye guys!

Andrew: Eric, say bye. Not leaving until you say bye.

Eric: Bye guys!

Andrew: Thank you. All right.

[Jamie and Matt laugh]


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Written by: The Transcribers