One More Quote

Matt: Wait, I found a better quote.

Eric: Okay, cool.

Matt: I found a quote that trumps all of the other quotes. It's something that Quirrell says.

Eric: Oooh.

Matt: Okay, check this out. He says, "I need to examine this interesting mirror." Isn't that great?

Eric: You're losing your touch, Matt Vines.

Andrew: Care to [laughs] - Care to elaborate?

Ben: That was definitely an Eric quote there.

Matt: It was a joke.

Andrew: Oh.

Eric: Oh, that was a joke? [pretend laugh] "Interesting mirror." [pretend laugh] End of chap - woo! End of Book 1 Chapter by Chapter! Woo!

Andrew: Yay! Everyone close their books.

Ben: Thank god.

[Whistling]

[Andrew laughs]

Ben: Thank god. Now, I'll send an e-mail to all the listeners who stopped listening after we started Chapter-by-Chapter telling them they can come back now.

Andrew: [laughs] It's okay, it's safe to come back. [laughs]

[Eric laughs]

Andrew: So, we're going to take a little break, a little hiatus, and do some other stuff.

Eric: On, on Chapter-by-Chapter. Not, not MuggleCast.

Andrew: No, on Chapter-by-Chapter.

Eric: [laughs] It's not...

Character Discussion: Percy Weasley

Andrew: Okay, so, moving on now to our main discussion this week written by Ben Schoen, so he'll be - he'll be handling this one. [laughs]

Eric: So you know it's crap.

Andrew: Character discussions are back again. This week we will be discussing Percy Weasley.

Ben: The one and only Percy Weasley. Okay, just to first start off, a little bit of general information about Mr. Percy Weasley. His middle name is Ignatius. I don't know how you say it. Someone correct me. He was born on August 22nd, 1976 to Molly and Arthur Weasley. His house, of course, is Gryffindor. His distinguishing characteristics are that he's tall and thin with the standard Weasley red hair. Percy has horn-rimmed glasses and a permanent air of smugness and self-importance.

Will Percy Mend Family Ties?

Ben: We first hear of him in Chapter 6 of Sorcerer's Stone. But however, it's important to think - to remember what happened in Order of the Phoenix, when there was a parting of the ways between Percy and his family. Do you guys ever think that we'll see - that Percy will ever see the error in his ways and reconcile the differences that he has with his family?

Andrew: I think so, because now...

Ben: But what about what happened in Book 6, though? When Molly - Molly was crying and he had some seasoning splattered all over him or whatever. He - because he... Okay, he paid a visit. Around Christmas, he went there and while they were outside discussing... Well, okay, he went to the house and Rufus Scrimgeour, the new Minister of Magic, was outside talking to Harry to try to convince him to be on the Ministry's side - talk him up a bit. And while they were outside discussing, Percy was talking to his family, and we don't really know what went on, but it ended with Percy splattered in mashed parsnip and Molly Weasley crying. Do you guys think that he will ever be able to fix the problems that he's having with his family? Or will he remain an arrogant prick?

Andrew: So, I think something's going to happen in Book 7 that's going to require the Weasley family to bring them all together. Maybe.

Matt: Well, I think the mashed - I think the mashed parsnip is particularly significant because, did you know, that when picking wild vegetables, poison hemlock can easily be mistaken for parsnip? I think that's going to have something to do with some parallels in Book 7.

Ben: That's true.

Matt: No, it was...

Ben: I never really...

Matt: It was a joke.

Ben: I never really thought about it that way.

Matt: Wait, are you guys being sarcastic or did you not get that that was a joke?

Andrew: No, I get it now.

Ben: I got that it was a joke.

Matt: Because you guys didn't get the last one.

Andrew: Well...

Matt: So, just checking.

Andrew: ...you're just a bad jokester guy.

Matt: Fine! Edit it out!

Ben: So, Eric...

[Andrew laughs]

Ben: Eric, tell me, will Percy see the error in his ways and fix the problems with his parents and the rest of his family?

Eric: I think now that now that Voldemort is out in the open, and now that - now that Dumbledore is dead, and Percy really can't keep denying it, there will be a long period where Percy's just kind of like, "Whatever" and all angsty. But eventually, I think they'll repair the connection. I think his family will be very open to forgiveness, considering it makes the world go round, or at least their world go 'round. And they'll be interested in keeping all their family members close. So, I think yes, they will - Percy will be like, "Yeah, I was kind of a dope. Sorry." And they'll be like, "No problem. We forgive you." He'll be like, "Uh, I kind of want to apologize." And they'll be like, "Yeah, sure. Come on in." You know?

Ben: Right. Because right now, the wizarding world is at war and Molly's going to want to have all her children. She doesn't want to... If Percy died while they were still mad at each other - or she'd be...

Andrew: That would be worse.

Ben: ...she'd be pretty upset.

Eric: Well, well, not only that. I mean, he can't deny it. Before he could've kind of gone his own way and seen his whole family as - it was much easier for him to see his whole family as nuts than deny the government he trusted in or whatever. But now it's all going to hell and really, he's just got to, he's just got to realize that and if he's - I liked Percy. Before he split up with the family, he was a good character and Fred and George were slightly unfair to him here and there, but it was enjoyable. It was all in good fun. But now he's like this complete jackass. If Percy's got any ounce of sense and if JKR wants to do justice to his character, I think he'd be a smart enough guy to finally admit when he's wrong, when it's sitting on his face. I think he'll finally admit it that he's wrong, and I think they'll take him in.

Ben: Mhm. Okay, thank you.

Staged Fight

Micah: Well, well, what did you think about the whole idea that Percy and Arthur staged this whole thing?

Eric: That's crap. That's completely - I really, I don't know. That's like Dumbledore asking Arthur, "Will you go to bed with your wife..." Be quiet, Micah.

Micah: [laughs] What?

Eric: "...night after night and have her..." No. "Will you put up with going to bed every night and hearing your wife sobbing herself to sleep because of Percy? Can you stand that? For two years or however, however long this may last? Arthur, will you stage this whole thing?" And I'm sure Molly would have begged him to tell her if it was staged. "Please, Arthur, I'll understand." Could Molly really not be trusted? Or is it that Molly needs to believe it's true if it's a fake because then the family needs to believe it's true to be a fake. But what good would come of staging it?

Matt: That's what I was wondering.

Andrew: Micah?

Eric: In the first place...

Matt: It's a really weak theory.

Micah: No, nothing good would come of it. I'm just saying it's...

Andrew: Is this a theory you heard or something?

Micah: ...something that I've heard out there before.

Andrew: Oh, okay.

Micah: Yeah, it's just something that was out there. People thought that's why Percy had that sudden change in personality. That he was actually working for Dumbledore - was just trying to get information out of the Minister.

Percy and Tom Riddle Similarities

Ben: There's - it's important to bring up that there are some similarities between Percy and Tom Riddle. Things like that they're both very ambitious; and that they're both former Head Boys; and that they also both disregard their families in attempt to seize power. So, it raises the question, what side do you think that Percy is really on?

Eric: I think it's a bad example. Because, there are so many conclusions you can draw between Harry and Voldemort, but they're not the same people.

Matt: I was just going to say that.

Eric: You can draw so many conclusions between Harry and Voldemort, that it's really not a good basis for - I mean, yeah, well, Harry's family sucks, too.

Andrew: Well...

Ben: Right, but Harry's already proven his allegiance to the Order. Percy hasn't. So...

Eric: What's that mean?

Ben: ...do you think that he... [laughs] ...which side is he on?

Andrew: Yeah, that's what he's asking.

Ben: Is he a Death Eater or is he a member of the Order of the Phoenix?

Andrew: I don't think Percy's a Death Eater. That's getting...

Eric: I think Percy will go on whatever side requires most paperwork, which, actually, probably means the good side.

[Andrew laughs]

Eric: Because the dark side now is turning - no, this is a good analysis.

Ben: They don't - they don't keep their records.

[Andrew laughs]

Eric: [laughs] The dark side doesn’t keep their records. They don’t do their homework. They just go in blastin’, guns a blazin’ or wands a blazin’, and they don’t really do anything. So, I think Percy would have more fun on the good side, actually, doing paperwork. See, up until now, the government's been like this neutral area for Percy, I think. It’s not the good side nor the dark side. It’s the side that runs the government. It’s the side that runs the people who are torn between the good side and the dark side. But now, that government is gone. Now, it’s either good or bad.

Ben: Okay. And if Percy actually was a Death Eater, he would be closer to his family. No, but here - here, because if he was a Death Eater, Voldemort would want him to be closer to his family, because then he would be able to relay information from Arthur and Molly, who are both members of the Order of the Phoenix.

Eric: Yeah, but I’m not comfortable thinking of Percy as either a good nor a bad guy. Put it this way: he was so up what was it? Fudge’s butt? Or it was...[laughs]

[Ben laughs]

Eric: One of those guys.

Ben: Crouch.

Eric: Crouch. Thank you. It was Mr. Crouch this, Mr. Crouch that. Why are we not to believe that it’s not Mr. Scrimgeour this, and Mr. Scrimgeour that, now? I mean, of course, he doesn’t say that to the Weasleys because he doesn’t talk to them, but I’m just thinking he’d be interested in authority. And, put it this way, if Scrimgeour’s not a Death Eater, I don’t think Percy is going to be, because Percy really cares about whatever authority is in position. Unless Percy loses his faith in government, he is still going to stay on the government’s side, which actually is now Harry’s side.

Ben: Right. And he seems to be the type that is all about following the rules. [imitating Percy] "No wandering the halls after dark. I’m a prefect." You know? That type of stuff. So, that makes sense for him to be on the good side just because he’s a law-abiding citizen.

Matt: Well, and also, even though parallels exist between him and Voldemort, they are very different, because even though they are both very ambitious, they are ambitious for different reasons. Percy is ambitious because he has all these brothers he’s competing with and he wants to be better than them, but Voldemort is just ambitious because he wants to have power, and, well - Percy also is lusting for power, but a different kind, like the political power, not the going to your house and killing you. Yeah. Well, some politicians want that.

Ben: Absolute power? [laughs]

Eric: I don’t know. Yeah. I see Percy as less of a person who’s trying to live up to the expectations of his brothers. I think that’s Ron. That’s Ron. Definitely in Book 1, that’s Ron. I think Percy is more of the guy who realizes that he has, what, six, five brothers, and a sister. He’s got this huge family. He’s got five brothers and a sister, he’s got parents. Who has seven kids? Do you just not care about the cost of money. You're a poor family, and you’re having all these kids? Put it this way: I think Percy’s the kind of guy who really wants to create a world for his family. He wants to create order and kind of - he wants to create a name for himself, because normally, not only are the Weasleys considered blood traitors by the arrogant pricks who are purebloods, but they are a family of seven people! Or seven kids! You know? Percy - all Percy wants is respect. That’s all he’s asking for. He just wants to gain...

Andrew: Well, I just think...

Ben: [laughs and sings] R-E-S-P-E-C-T...

Waiting For Ginny

Andrew: I just think everyone after Bill was an accident, to be honest.

[Everybody laughs]

Andrew: You know? It’s like...

Ben: It looks like Arthur is perfectly okay with going to bed with Molly every night [laughs].

[Andrew, Eric, and Micah laugh]

Andrew: You know [laughs] what I was just thinking? What if they were just waiting to get a girl? Like for some reason, Molly really wanted a girl?

Ben: That’s reasonable.

Eric: Are you sure that can’t be magically done? You can’t magically do that?

Andrew: Okay. Obviously, you can’t magically do that.

Micah: Wow.

Eric: Maybe magic birth control?

Andrew: Well, you could call it magic.

Ben: Yeah.

[Everyone laughs]

Ben: No, but seriously, though, if they could magically do "it," are you sure they would want to single out Ginny like that, and have five boys and one girl?

Eric: Well, put it this way, okay? I think Ginny was worth waiting through, like, what, five boys for. I mean, Ginny’s the key female. She’s a strong girl. That’s pretty good genes.

Ben: Six boys, actually.

Andrew: [laughs] Eric!

Eric: Bill, no, wait - Bill, Charlie, the twins, and Ron.

Andrew: And Percy.

Ben: And Percy.

Eric: Oh, well...

Andrew: He doesn't count [laughs].

Eric: Percy’s a prat. He’s not in the family. He’s disagreeing with the family. He doesn’t count [laughs].

Ben: Well, that wraps up our Character Discussion about Percy Weasley.

Andrew: Does it? Oh, okay.

Eric: Shut down.

Ben: We’re running out of characters, folks. This is saddening - a saddening day.

Andrew: Yeah. I liked...

Eric: Like we’re running out of chapters.

Andrew: Yeah. I like that segment. You know why? Because it was organized.

Ben: Why?

Andrew: Yay!

Eric: No, it wasn’t.

Ben: Mhm. Thank you - very.

Eric: No, it was not!

Andrew: It was very - it went in an orderly fashion.

Ben: Shhh! [Cell phone beeps]

Andrew: Oh, no!

Ben: Hey.

[Andrew laughs]

Spy On Spartz

Ben: Well, folks, it’s time to have a little bit of fun here. It’s time for this week’s Spy on Spartz.

[Phone rings]

Andrew: Waiting with baited breath.

[Phone rings again]

Andrew: Hey, keep the phone close to the mic this time.

[Phone rings again]

Emerson: Hey.

Ben: Hey, what are you doing?

Emerson: Well, watching television right now.

Ben: Well, that’s fun. We’re recording MuggleCast, and we’re Spying on Spartz.

Emerson: Didn't you do that earlier today?

Ben: No! Earlier? No! We’re recording right now. So, what’s up? Tell me what’s up. We’re spying on you.

Emerson: So, who was that earlier today, then? You and Andrew?

Ben: Uh, no. We didn’t - I was at work all day, so...

[Andrew laughs]

Emerson: Right.

[Andrew laughs]

Ben: Who are you?

Emerson: Yeah. That’s what I just said. Really.

Ben: No, no one called you. I did not call you earlier. Someone else may have. I tried calling you three times this afternoon, but you didn’t answer. I called your house, too. Did Papa forget to pay the phone bill?

[Andrew laughs]

Ben: Because no one answered.

Emerson: Ummm, why would that have anything to do with the phone bill?

Ben: Because - I don’t know. [laughs] Okay, well, we’re done Spying on Spartz, because you’re no fun.

Emerson: [laughs] Yeah, you’re probably not happy with that.

Ben: What’d you say?

Emerson: I take it you’re a little unhappy with that.

Ben: No one could understand you, dude.

Emerson: All right. Fine.

Ben: Bye, Emerson.

Emerson: Bye, everybody.

Andrew: I have this great new idea for Spy on Spartz. Ben, you call him up. He says, "Hey.: You say, "Hey, what are you doing?" He answers, and then you just hang up. [laughs]

[Ben laughs]

Andrew: Seriously, do it next week.

[Everyone laughs]

Andrew: It’d be so funny, Ben. He’s awkward.

Spy On Spartz: Take Two

Ben: Okay. Actually, we’re redoing Spy on Spartz.

Andrew: What do you mean we’re redoing it?

[Ben’s phone beeps]

Andrew: No! Don’t call him back! No!

Eric: Ask him about the Caption Contest!

Andrew: What are you going to - what are you going to say to him?

Ben: Yes. Okay.

[Phone rings]

[Phone rings again]

[Phone rings again]

Emerson: Hello?

Ben: Why is the Earth round?

Emerson: Why is the Earth round. Ummm, how do you know it’s round?

Ben: Because I’ve been all the way around it, and Columbus said so.

Emerson: How do you know you’ve been around it and you haven’t just been from one side to the other?

Ben: Oh, that’s a good point. I don’t know. Do you think the Earth is round?

Emerson: Uhhh, why would I think the Earth’s round? I mean, I walk from here to the kitchen, and everything is - I don’t feel like I’m walking in a giant circle.

[Eric laughs]

Ben: That’s true. I don’t know. Maybe the Earth isn’t round.

Eric: Emerson’s world is.

Emerson: If the Earth is round, think about Alaska, okay? If the Earth is round, and you’re on one side of the Earth, why wouldn’t you just fall off? What’s keeping you holding on if you’re not on the North Pole?

Eric: Gravity.

Ben: Hmmm. I don’t know. Eric said, "Gravity." What about gravity?

Emerson: Yeah, what?!

Ben: Gravity.

Emerson: That’s a myth.

Ben: Hey...

Emerson: Tell him how unscientific that is.

Ben: Hey, Eric wants to know if you realize that it’s been 42 weeks since he started the Caption Contest - 42 months, I mean. Forty-two months.

Emerson: I was actually planning a surprise 42-month Caption Contest party for him.

Ben: Awww, geez. You’re so sweet.

Eric: Awww, crap.

Ben: Awww.

[Micah laughs]

Emerson: But now it’s all ruined.

Ben: It’s all ruined, huh? [laughs] Yeah. Well, thanks, Emerson. Bye.

Emerson: If you ever have an more questions, you know, the meaning of life or whatever, just hit me up...

Ben: Okay, we will.

Emerson: I'll have all the answers.

Micah: Why does Notre Dame suck?

[Eric laughs]

Ben: Hey, Micah has a good question for you.

Emerson: Okay.

Ben: He wants to know why Notre Dame sucks?

Emerson: Uhhh, see, here's the thing. Notre Dame doesn't suck because I'm pretty sure Micah went to Syracuse and I'm pretty sure Notre Dame beat Syracuse 34-10.

[Andrew laughs]

Ben: Ohhh.

Micah: In football, how about basketball?

Ben: He said, "What about basketball?"

Emerson: Ummm, I'm pretty sure basketball doesn't matter.

[Everyone laughs]

Andrew: Yet he plays it every day.

Emerson: I'm also pretty sure Notre Dame put up a pretty good fight, though, whereas Syracuse did not put up a good fight on the football field.

Ben: Yep, yep.

Emerson: Syracuse pretty much bent over and took it.

[Everyone laughs]

Ben: Well, I think we're done spying on you Emerson.

Emerson: All right then.

Ben: You get back to doing whatever you were doing. Talk to you later, buddy.

Emerson: Bye.

Eric: Emerson's world is from his couch to his kitchen. You heard it right here, folks.

[Andrew and Ben laugh]

Eric: [imitating Emerson] It doesn't feel like I'm walking in a circle.

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