FWVWD Contest -
Complete List

Funny Way Voldemort Won't Die

1

***News Flash*** He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named was found smothered under a buffalo yesterday. Apparently, Voldemort (yes, since he's dead we'll name him) was a bit lax on his spell pronunciations, and like the Wizard Baruffio said 's' instead of 'f' and found himself on the floor with a buffalo on his chest. However, since Voldemort was not found for 7 days, he suffocated. The buffalo is now being hailed as "The beast who sat."

Cristin

2

Put him on a blind date with Umbridge.

Moldy

3

Play tug of war with him with the Veil in the middle. Let Grawp pull on your side.

Tim

4

Put him in a room full of Carebears all doing the Carebear stare. The cuteness would be too much for him.

Ana

5

To kill him with the power of love, Harry must lure him to the side of a campfire, while all the Hogwarts students join hands in a huge circle around him as they all sway and sing kum-bay-ya.

Heather

6

He heads over to the Dursley's house after Harry's protection runs out to hunt Harry down. He enters the kitchen where he is immediately bludgeoned to death by a soapy frying pan wielded by Aunt Petunia, who has gone mad at seeing the dirt he tracked in to her spotless house.

Dustin

7

Take some Felix Felicis and challenge him to a game of Russian Roulette.

Jason

8

Make him workout with Richard Simmons for all eternity.

Kevin

9

Give him a love-flavored Bertie Botts Bean.

Nicole

10

Chain him to the floor in the school hallway and ring the lunch bell.

Mel

11

By inadvertently combining Pepsi and pop-rocks.

Dan

12

Send him a Howler that, when opened (or Ignored) yells out, Avada Kedavra!

Nessa

13

Get Melissa's (from PotterCast's) family to go and whack him.

Sam

14

Place a life-size cardboard cut-out of Dumbledore next to his bed while he's sleeping, so that it's the first thing he sees when he wakes up.

Maggie

15

2 words: Rocket. Launcher.

Stephanie

16

Put him at the front of the line for Goblet of Fire. When they say “go in”, he will be trampled by all the 14 year old girls going "Ronald Weasley, Come and Please me!"

Josh

17

Have J.K. Rowling takes all her profits from the book out in sequential 1 pound notes, and drop them on top of Voldemort. Millions of pounds of Harry love, baby!

Will

18

Drop a Vanishing Cabinet into the middle of the Pacific Ocean, push him into the other one, and then destroy it.

Sara

19

Transfigure his head into a head of lettuce and then feed him to a flobberworm.

Melissa

20

Send him Christmas shopping the morning after Thanksgiving.

Caitlin

21

Throw him in the middle of a Mosh Pit during a Weird Sisters Concert.

Ana

22

Wait until his bladder is full and take him to a Running Water Convention.

Joe

23

Make him work in retail with the worst and most evil customers ever.

Dee

24

Transfigure him into a fire hydrant and then have Fluffy come in (Accio Fluffy) and then have Fluffy “do his business”

Daniel

25

Have the Bride from “Kill Bill Vol. 1 & 2” kill him with her Hatori Hanzo Sword.

Rosemary

26

Using the Imperius Curse, force him to drink Polyjuice Potion to change him into the one and only Mr. Emerson Spartz and then (still using the Imperius Curse) have him call a room full of Harry/Hermione shippers 'delusional'.

27

"Voldemort and Harry are facing off in their final duel, all the Horcruxes are destroyed and Voldemort in now mortal. Suddenly out of nowhere an SUV appears and runs over Voldemort, crushing him. Ginny gets out of the SUV and goes "That was easy!" So basically, "Voldemort ran over by an SUV"

28

Give Voldemort a very powerful love potion that makes him fall in love with a horde of stampeding rhinos or an extra carnivorous T-rex (or something of that sort)

29

Harry will tie Voldemort to train tracks on the set of an old Western movie in Lone Pine, California, and will be run over by the Hogwarts Express.

30

Lock Voldemort in a room 100 stories high and play recordings of Harry/Voldemort slash fan fiction through the loud speaker. Every once and a while stop the recordings and as soon as Voldy is feeling safe and sane, started it up again louder.

31

Send a Trojan Snake filled with members of the Order into a Death Eater meeting.

32

Lavender Brown snogs Voldemort (or "Vol-Vol" as she calls him) to death.

33

Hide his plans of world domination in a computer folder entitled "Topless photos of Wormtail."

34

Feed him my mom's cooking.

35

Dress Voldemort up as a teddy bear and give him to Paris Hilton as a pet.

36

Voldemort gets signed up for Oprah, goes on the show and dies while hearing a three hour lecture about his abusive and controlling attitude toward people.

Tim

37

Slip the Dark Lord a lethal dose of U-No-Poo:
You-Know-Who + U-No-Poo = You-No-Phew

Telyn

38

Make him eat his wand.
The Yew plant contains several potentially fatal toxins.

Kellee

39

Chain Voldemort in a dungeon (charmed unbreakable etc), and serve him only Hagrid’s Cooking. He'll either:
a) Let himself starve to death.
b) Have his teeth glued together by Hagrid’s Treacle Fudge and be unable to eat anything else anyway.
c) Die of some sort of food poisoning or allergy.

Marama

40

Soak his clothes in meat, and let loose Hungry, Untrained Thestrals.

Elri

41

Harry will transfigure Voldy into a rubber duck and hand him over to Arthur Weasley!

Rose

42

Send him the cursed necklace as a Christmas present

Christine

43

Force him to watch Disney sequels such as Pocahontas 2 and Cinderella 2

Mandi

44

Turned into a collector's doll and given to a toddler...

Celia

45

Find him a girlfriend.

Spencer

46

Put him in an insult giving/shouting contest with the portrait of Mrs. Black.

Josh

47

By drowning on the sinking ship of H/Hr...

Emily

48

Mrs. Longbottom (Neville’s Gran) attacks him with her big red purse.

Noor

49

Throw Voldemort in a pit full of fully grown Blast-Ended Skrewts, Hairy MacBoons (Quintapeds), Nundus, Manticores, Lethifolds, Antipodean Opaleyes (first type of dragon), Chinese Fireballs, Common Welsh Greens, Hebridean Blacks, Hungarian Horntails, Norwegian Ridgebacks, Peruvian Vipertooths, Romanian Longhorns, Swedish Short-snouts, Ukrainian Ironbellys, Chimaeras, Basilisks, and Acromantulas, after taking away his wand. [Every dangerous animal in Fantastic Beasts!]

Travis

50

Percy Weasley, Vernon and Dudley Dursley assemble a boy band and sing along to Nsync's "Tearing up my heart" with dance routine wearing mini skirts and halter tops.

Lauren

51

Find him a girlfriend.

Spencer

52

Stun him, gag him and then put him on the "It's A Small World" ride at Disneyland for all eternity.

Muggleharte

53

Harry could stand in the middle of the street waiting for the final fight. When Voldemort shows up, Harry would raise his wand to hail the Knight Bus, and roll out of the way as the bus creams Voldemort.

Josh

54

A gun, duh.

Scott

55

Smack him with the Book 1 - 6 Collection Box!

Johan

56

He becomes so infatuated and hypnotized with his red snake eyes that he drowns in his own pensieve reflection.

Sable

57

He will be forced by Zaphod Beeblebrox to sit through a prolonged reading of Vogon Poetry.

Joseph

58

Force Voldy to listen to my sister sing in the shower!

Patrick

59

Infect him with a lethal strain of Saturday night fever.

Mary

60

Kill Voldemort by giving him Ton-Tongue toffee and stab his tounge with Gryffindor's sword.

Peter

61

Make Voldemort listen to Ben's fake English accent

Jay

62

Make him play ice hockey with a whole bunch of angry Canadians.

Tara

63

Hire Rita Skeeter, potioned into loving Voldemort, to be his official publicist.

Isia

64

Tell him to follow the spiders.

Mike

65

Have him invite Eric to one of the Death Eater discussion meetings.

Em

66

It'll be the killer rabbit from Monty Python.

Michael

67

Harry performs the extremely difficult "Anvilius Conjurius" spell which drops a 500 pound anvil on Voldemort's head a la Loony Tunes.

Kevin

68

Have him walk in the "tough" neighborhood blasting Vanilla Ice.

???

69

Make him listen to "Tiny Tim's Greatest Hits" over and over...(how many times can one man (?) hear "Tiptoe through the Tulips" without imploding?)

Liz

70

Trap Voldemort in the Sahara Desert with William Hug singing his hit 'She Bangs'.

Matthew

71

Make Voldemort succomb to the consequences of high blood pressure by making him read the entries to this contest.

Yue