Fantastic Beasts: Nifflers to Blame for Beach Erosion

Scribble Inkwell reporting from Virginia Beach, USA, where Muggles are complaining of beach erosion. They are blaming the tides, but the real problem is an infestation of Nifflers being raised for a possible cameo in the upcoming Muggle adaptation of Newt Scamander’s Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them.

Nifflers are treasure-hunting creatures. With Muggle Spring Breakers having left the beaches, it has been hard to curb their natural instincts away from the shiny objects lost in the sand. I queried a local breeder—who asked to remain nameless—about the precautions they are taking.

Breeder: Precautions? Nifflers are lovable creatures. Don’t hurt nobody.

Scribble: Yes, sir, but the Muggles are noticing the lack of sand on the beaches.

Breeder: Oh, the Muggles’ll dump some sand along the shores—makes ’em feel productive—and then we’ll do a simple Gemino Curse in the right areas. They’ll never notice the difference. Bless them.

Scribble: Is there a plan to relocate the Nifflers?

Breeder: What for? They’re just doin’ what they were created to do. Plus, they’re payin’ for themselves if you know what I mean. It’ll be a shame to hand ’em over for filmin’.

Right, so if you’re planning a trip to the Virginia Beach shore, be warned there are Nifflers about. Hagrid, Professor and Gamekeeper at Hogwarts School of Wizardry, informed me they like to live 20 feet below and produce six to eight young in a single litter. If you feel a bump under your blanket, don’t be alarmed. Nifflers are gentle creatures so long as you’re not wearing anything shiny.