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Things That Make Me Glad to Be a Muggle

by Mikaela Renshaw · May 25, 2018

We all want to be a wizard. That’s a sentiment that’s been expressed many times. But as much as I love the world of Harry Potter, there are a few things that make me glad to be a Muggle.

 

1. No one tries to kill me during my finals.

Sure, my teachers might try to metaphorically, but no one’s ever literally tried to kill me. Finals season is already stressful enough. I don’t want to imagine having to juggle death threats on top of that. I don’t know how the Ravenclaws make it through, given that they see schoolwork as such a high priority.

 

 

 

2. I will never have to deal with giant snakes and spiders.

Sure, there are some large snakes and spiders in the Muggle world, but Acromantulas and basilisks are far, far worse. I’ll take black widows and rattlesnakes over them any day. I can kill those with a shoe and a shovel. It’s a little harder to deal with their magical counterparts.

 

 

 

3. Messing up an assignment will not damage me/my things/my pet.

I might get upset about it, but I won’t have Splinched myself or permanently transfigured my favorite pen or poisoned my pet. Homework in the wizarding world can be pretty hazardous. No wonder Harry and Ron liked to complain about school.

 

 

 

4. My school sport doesn’t involve risk of death.

Yes, you can get a concussion playing football. Yes, you can break something playing soccer. But regardless of which sport you play, it’s pretty unlikely you’ll end up falling hundreds of feet through the air. Nor will I mysteriously vanish for a few months and end up in Egypt.

 

 

 

5. I don’t need to pronounce a place to travel there.

I have butchered so many names in my life, but I was still able to purchase tickets to fly there. All I had to do was type the name into Google. If I had to travel by Floo powder, I end up trying to go to Weimar and end up in Walmart. That’s not really my idea of a fun vacation.

 

 

 

6. My parents can’t send me a Howler.

My parents can yell at me for making a mistake at school. But to do so, they have to call me and I can take that call privately. With a Howler, though, my failures would be laid out for all the world to see. Talk about public humiliation. Why would anyone even invent those?

 

 

 

7. I don’t have to go on a roller coaster to get my money.

I love a good roller coaster. I think they’re great adrenaline rushes. But when I’m at the bank, I just want to get my money and go, not have my stomach turned inside out. It just takes too much time! Not to mention the fact that if you’ve eaten a heavy lunch beforehand, there’s a pretty good chance it’ll come back up.

 

 

 

8. I have never been attacked by a book.

I like books a lot. I would love to have an enormous library someday. That being said, I do not love the idea of a biting book. Studying can be grueling even when the books are stationary, so the thought of wrestling them the same way I have to wrestle my dog into the bath sounds awful. Give me a Muggle math textbook over that any day.

 

 

 

9. The staircases in my school never move.

Look, there are some school buildings out there that are confusing enough already. I do not need them to start changing floor plans and making it even harder. This doesn’t even just apply to finding classrooms. Imagine trying to find a bathroom in a building like that!

 

 

 

10. Eating a piece of candy will not turn me into a canary.

Or anything else, for that matter. I know Mad-Eye Moody preaches “Constant Vigilance,” but I prefer not having to be paranoid every time I eat. In the Muggle world, food is just food. It might not always taste good, but at least I know I won’t start growing feathers.

 

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MuggleNet Archive

Important Dates

September 2025

Sat, Sep 6

Harry's first potions class, where he loses 5 points for Gryffindor
Recurs yearly

1991

Hogwarts: An Incomplete and Unreliable Guide, Heroism, Hardship and Dangerous Hobbies, & Power, Politics and Pesky Poltergeists (short stories; e-book) released - 2016
Recurs yearly

2016

MuggleNet receives JKR Fansite Award
Recurs yearly

2004

It’s high time I paid homage to the mighty MuggleNet. Where to start? I love the design, (I currently favour the ‘Dementor’ layout), the polls (I actually voted in the ‘Who’s the Half-Blood Prince?’ one), the pretty-much-exhaustive information on all books and films, the wonderful editorials (more insight there than in several companion volumes I shall not name), 101 Ways to Annoy Lord Voldemort (made me laugh aloud), the Wall of Shame (nearly as funny as some of the stuff I get)… pretty much everything. Webmaster Emerson, Eric, Jamie, Damon, Ben, Matthew, Rachel, Jaymz and Sharon, I salute you.

http://web.archive.org/web/20040907101729/http://www.jkrowling.com/textonly/fansite_view.cfm?id=15

Sun, Sep 7

Dumbledore shows Harry his first Tom Riddle-related memory: Bob Ogden's visit to the Gaunts
Recurs yearly

1996

Hugh Mitchell's birthday
Recurs yearly

Colin Creevey

Toby Jones's birthday
Recurs yearly

Voice of Dobby

Mon, Sep 8

Educational Decree No. 23 is passed
Recurs yearly

1995

Ginny Weasley opens the Chamber of Secrets under the influence of Tom Riddle's diary
Recurs yearly

1992

Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban book (US)
Recurs yearly

1999

Tue, Sep 9

Lupin teaches boggarts in DADA
Recurs yearly

1993

Wed, Sep 10

Christopher Columbus's birthday
Recurs yearly

Director (PS/SS, CoS)

Hermione first suggests Harry teach DADA
Recurs yearly

1995

Fri, Sep 12

Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them film series is announced
Recurs yearly

2013

Harry has his first flying lesson and becomes the youngest Gryffindor Seeker in a century
Recurs yearly

1991

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Thanks to its research-backed ergonomic design, including a proprietary 4-way adaptive lumbar support system, the Secretlab TITAN Evo Harry Potter Edition will comfortably support you even when you’re up to no good.

Did You Know

Minerva McGonagall’s mother kept her own magical heritage a secret from her Muggle husband for years, which made her life very sad and difficult.

Potter History

December 15, 2004 – Producer David Heyman says Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire filming is 75% complete.

Potter Quote

“You’ve gone middle head!”

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