CC #382: Week of March 9, 2014
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And the first meeting of the ‘Men Who Only Have One Thing in Their Wardrobe Club’ begins.
Hagrid: Colin Creevey! Long time, no see!
Colin: Yeah, hi Hagrid. Listen, you haven’t seen Dennis?
Hagrid: No, why?
Colin: Long story. We had a fight. It got slightly out of hand.
Thor: I am Thor.
Hagrid: Y’er sore?
Thor: *Sarcastic* I’ve never heard that one before…
‘You’re a god, Thor.’
Hagrid: Thor! What’re yeh doin’ here?
Thor: I have come to see Jane Foster.
Hagrid: Can yeh take me to Asgard?
Thor: *Looking embarrassed* I am afraid you are just too heavy.
Hagrid: Okay, so we switch clothes, and no one will be any the wiser?
Thor: Yes. We both have beards and long hair. It is fool proof.
Thor: How can you think that you are more powerful than me? I have my hammer, Mjolnir!
Hagrid: Well, I have a flowery pink umbrella.
Thor: …where is it?
Hagrid: Dunno. I think Chris Columbus stole it.
Hagrid: But I though’ the Asgard were little gray aliens.
Thor: No, you’re thinking of the Asgard from Stargate SG-1. We’re the Asgard from Marvel Comics.
Hagrid: This is all so very confusin’!
Thor: You are certain you are qualified to capture this creature?
Hagrid: Can’t be no ‘arder than Fluffy…
Hagrid: So, yer one of them Asgardian blokes?
Thor: Indeed I am. And you come highly recommended as a liaison to Giants.
Hagrid: If yer asking me to negotiate with the Frost Giants, you can ferget it. I’m only one-eighth Frost Giant, they wouldn’t accept me. An’ I’m retired, as it were. Those days are behind me.
Thor: War is threatening to break out. Millions shall die even if the conflict is short. There is no one else with the expertise to stop it. I need your help, sir Hagrid. The world needs your help.
Hagrid: I’ll think about it.
Thor: That is all I can ask.
Thor: Do you really think that little pink umbrella is any match for my hammer?
Hagrid: At leas’ I don’t have ter worry about it rusting when it rains…
Hagrid: Nice hammer. Give’er here. *Picks it up with ease*
Thor: But only the worthy can hold it.
Hagrid: I use L’oreal. I’m worth it.
Thor: Loki, my dear brother! What happened to you?
Loki: Well… After my defeat, I started comfort eating. I didn’t even realize I was gaining weight. But I’ve started doing Zumba now, so I’m hopeful.
Hagrid: But we need yer hammer to defeat Voldemort!
Thor: I’m sorry, but I just can’t let you infringe on copyright!
Hagrid: What have you got that I haven’t got?
Thor: Good looks, intelligence, immortality, a hot girlfriend, this nifty hammer and a gorgeous cape!
Hagrid: Let me rephrase the question: go screw yourself!
Thor: That’s not a question.
Hagrid: Go screw yourself?
Thor: ‘Bruce, you’ve really let yourself go.’
Thor: Why are you so big?
Hagrid: I ate Miley Cyrus.
*And the world was happy*
Thor: ‘You know, we could re-enact the end of the second season of Sherlock here and make this a triple reference.’