CC #455: Week of September 5, 2021

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Harry: “I solemnly swear that I am up to no good.”
(Nothing happens.)
Harry: “I solemnly swear that I am up to no good!”
(Nothing happens.)
Harry: “It’s not working.”
Dumbledore: “Turn it over.”

With Ginny pregnant again, Harry began looking for a baby name on his list of people who’d died.


Dumbledore: “Did you know house-elves can fly?”
Harry: “Really?!”
Dumbledore: “Gotcha!” (to the other headmasters) “I told you he’d believe anything I said.”

When you waste all your ink on drawing a scar on your forehead.
—Hagrid’s Helper

Harry: “Sir, please, it’s killing me inside. I need to know…. Where does ‘Brian’ come from?”

Harry: “I can’t believe he drew a moustache on my official portrait. My own son!”
Portrait of Dumbledore: “That’s hardly something to get worked up about. Restoring it is a simple process.”
Harry: “You don’t understand! He used permanent ink. It’ll never wash off, and now I’ll need to grow a moustache to match it.”
Portrait of Dumbledore: “Don’t you think you may be overreacting?”
Harry: “I’m not like you.” (punches the desk) “I look horrible with facial hair!”

Harry: “And, Professor, I’m sorry, but… I never actually liked lemon drops.”

Dumbledore: “What does the letter say, Harry?”
Harry: “It reads, ‘Dear Mr. Potter, it is my pleasure to inform you that… you suck and I am a better wizard and father than you! Insulting you forevermore, Draco Malfoy.’

Dumbledore: “Need any help, Harry?”
Harry: “Not from someone who’s dead.”
Dumbledore: (gasps and walks out of frame, and Harry never sees Dumbledore ever again)

Portrait Dumbledore: “Harry, I know there was so much I never told you, but to keep me in the dark like this is just cruel.”
Harry: “Okay, fine. J-Lo and Ben Affleck are back together.”

Dumbledore: “I’m afraid for the calendar. Its days are numbered.”
Harry: “That’s it. No more dad jokes.” (goes and unplugs the portrait)

Dumbledore: “All right, Harry, all you have to do is…” (freezes)
Harry: “Dumbledore? Oh, you’re frozen.” (puts a coin in the portrait slot)
Dumbledore: “…locate Albus and Scorpius and…”

Dumbledore: “Harry…”
Harry: “Sometimes…”
Dumbledore: “Don’t do this…”
Harry: “I wish I weren’t your student.”

Harry: “My Godric Gryffindor, where is Albus?”
Dumbledore: “Am I a joke to you?”
Harry: “Wrong Albus!”
Dumbledore: “Ah, yes. My bad.”
—Humble Hufflepuff

The portrait of Dumbledore tries to comfort Harry, who is furious about Rita Skeeter’s newest book, Harry Potter and the Cursed Child.
—Jack (Hufflepuff)

Harry: “Mirror, mirror on the wall, who is the fairest of them all?”
Dumbledore: “Draco Malfoy. You know that.”
Harry: “Damn it.”

“It’s terrible, Professor. My son hates me, I’m a terrible father, and on top of all that, they got rid of Vine!”

Harry: “I have something I need to confess…. I prefer Michael Gambon’s Dumbledore to Richard Harris’s.”
Dumbledore: (shocked)

Harry: “Hey, Dumbledore. Did you know that there are only two Fantastic Beasts caption contests? Crazy!”





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Eric S.

Eric Scull joined MuggleNet in November of 2002. Since that time, he’s presided over a number of sections, including name origins and Dear Hogwarts, but none so long as the recently revived Crazy Caption Contest. Eric is a Hufflepuff who lives in Chicago and loves the outdoors.