Peter Pettigrew’s Step-By-Step Guide to Resurrecting a Dark Wizard
Hello, my fellow rapscallions, it is I – the infamous Peter Pettigrew. Recently, I have received numerous letters concerning my assistance in the rebirth of his mighty majesty, Lord Voldemort. While I can not provide the minute details as to how it all went down – for I do not wish to inadvertently give away our location and/or our plans for the foreseeable future – I have decided to provide you all with a generic step-by-step guide on how to resurrect a Dark wizard so you can all join in on the fun. I have to say, it is quite an invigorating experience.
Step 1. Learn to disguise yourself (i.e., become an Animagus).
Step 2. Join a wizarding family under your new alias.
Step 3. Lie in wait for several years after your Dark wizard’s downfall.
Step 4. Be alert for news concerning your Dark wizard’s status.
Step 5. Make certain your family becomes friends with the primary target of your Dark wizard.
Step 6. Gain as much knowledge as possible on said primary target.
Step 7. Beware of cats AND dogs.
Step 8. When the cats and dogs are on your tail, make a run for it.
Step 9. Retrieve the wand of your Dark wizard.
Step 10. Travel to the foreign forest where your Dark wizard is said to be located.
Step 11. Find your Dark wizard hiding in their spirit form.
Step 12. Return your Dark wizard to their childhood home.
Step 13. Nurse your Dark wizard on the venom of a snake.
Step 14. Do not make too much noise, or the old groundskeeper will need to be killed.
Step 15. Recruit a friend.
Step 16. Make a lifetime supply of Polyjuice Potion.
Step 17. Capture an Auror.
Step 18. Use the Auror’s hair to finish your Polyjuice Potion.
Step 19. Have your friend drink the Polyjuice Potion.
Step 20. Get your friend, who now looks like the captured Auror, a job as a teacher at the school of your Dark wizard’s primary target.
Step 21. Make sure the school of your Dark wizard’s primary target is hosting a tournament.
Step 22. Get your Dark wizard’s primary target involved in the tournament.
Step 23. Build a relationship with your Dark wizard’s primary target.
Step 24. Assist your Dark wizard’s primary target in excelling at the tournament.
Step 25. In the last event of the tournament, send the other contestants after each other via the usage of spells.
Step 26. Get your Dark wizard’s primary target to be the first one to the finish line.
Step 27. Have a Portkey connected to the finish line.
Step 28. Have your Dark wizard’s primary target sent to a graveyard.
Step 29. Tie up your Dark wizard’s primary target.
Step 30. Cut your Dark wizard’s primary target and extract blood.
Step 31. Use the aforementioned blood in the Regeneration Potion.
Step 32. Cower in fear as your Dark wizard rises once again.
There you are, everyone: a generic guide to resurrecting a Dark wizard. I hope the process was easy to follow, but please do follow up with any questions. Now, get to work!