Week of February 25, 2007
Harry: *Looks side to side and sighs* Alright, who just pulled a mass Side-Along Apparation?
Hermione: *Glances at him and smiles nervously* Er… sorry?
Neville: ‘I shouldn’t have touched that old boot…’
Harry: ‘Screw this, I’m in Equus!’
Everyone Else: …
George: Cool, I call being Jack!
Ron: Polar bear!
Neville: Creepy smoke!
Harry: Palm tree!
And all the viewers of Lost were disappointed when they found out that all the seasons of trickery and confusion were just a ploy to get them to go see Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix.
Harry: Why are we on a deserted island? Aren’t we supposed to be in the Room of Requirement?
Luna: Maybe we were transported by a Walbiling Humdinger. They transport huge groups to islands and then leave them.
Fred: *To George* Should we tell them that we’re testing our Portable Jungle on the Room?
George: And miss our chance to meet Evangeline Lilly? Are you crazy?!
*Flashback to 3rd Year*
Harry: Hermione, what’s that thing around your neck?
Hermione: uh, nothing…
Ron: yeah, and how come you always magically appear in class?
Hermione: Uh… I don’t know…
Harry: Let me see that!
Ron: Come on, let us see it!
Harry: Give it to me! *Harry breaks the Time-turner and the entire class goes back in time*
Hermione: *Sighs* Nice, Harry…
All: ‘We are proud of our uniform!’
‘I’d like to teach the world to sing…
In Per-fect Har-mo-ney.
I’d like to give the World some Hope,
And furnish it with Love…’
8 Palm Leaves over Neville’s Head
16 Pairs of Eyes
23 Leaves in the Front-Left Foreground
42 Tree Branches in the Background
108 Items proving I’ve stared at this picture too long.
Cho: You still like me, don’t you Harry?
Harry: No, I don’t.
Cho: Yes, you do.
Harry: No, I don’t.
Cho: Prove it.
Harry: Okay, how’s this? If I still find you attractive, may a palm tree grow out of my head….
-Peter, Helene and Veronica
Survivor: Hogwarts. Out-fly, Out-cast, Out-brew.
All: Dub, dub, dub!
Eric: Well done, my brothers, off into the wide world!
Neville: ‘I know, I know! I’m really sorry, guys, I didn’t think my Switching Spells were that bad!’
Ron: uh, Harry, what’s going on?
Harry: *Improvising* Uh, I’ve devised a test. You have to use all of your wit and magical ability to get off the island!
Hermione: uh, Harry? We’re in the Bermuda Triangle, you can’t use magic.
Harry: Ah… well, just your wit then…
Cameraman: Right, that’s good, just one more please. Excellent. These will be on the front page of the Daily Prophet on Monday.
Harry: Um, Sir, we’re a secret society.
Cameraman: Yep, front-page news defiitely. ‘Secret Dark Arts Society.’
Harry: Defense against the dark arts.
Cameraman: Of course, of course. ‘Secret Dark Arts Society Right Under Ministry’s Nose.’
Harry: Ha! look at me! Everyone has their shirts buttoned up except me! This represents my ability to be rebellious! And nearly shirtless! What now, huh?!
Hermione: *Whispers in his ear*
Harry: *Looks down at other caption*
People in Other Caption: Oooooh! You need some ICE for that BURN?!
Lost in Translation
Ron: Bloody hell, what is this place?!
Hermione: Quiet, Neville. We need to figure out where we are!
Hermione: Oh, what?
Fred: Peppermint Toads?
Neville: P-p-p-p POLAR BEAR!!!
Neville: ‘So this is what Conan O’Brien felt like in high school…’
Harry Potter and the Island of Emos.
-Jake A. Ralphing
–Inspired by The Simpsons—
Harry: What’s that?
Fred: Looks like some kind of wild breed of house-elf…
Hermione: Look, it’s licking slime off that rock! And there’s enough slime for all of us! We’re saved!
Rest of the Kids: *Eye the elf hungrily*
Harry: *Munching on roast elf* Enjoying your dinner, Hermione?
Hermione: *Licking slime off rock* …Savages…
So this is the tale of our Hogwart’s crew,
they’re here for a long resort.
They’ll have to make the best of things,
Potter and his best friends too,
will do their very best,
to make the others comfortable,
in the tropic island nest.
No spells, no brooms, no quidditch match,
not a single luxury.
Like wizards long before them,
it’s primitive as can be.
So join us here each week my friend,
you’re sure to get a smile.
From all our stranded Hogwart pals,
Here on Gryffindor’s Isle!
What happened when Harry walked around outside the Room of Requirement, thinking of how much he needed a vacation.
Harry: ‘Am I the only one creeped out by the fact that George looks exactly like Ethan Rom?’
Ron: *Whispering* What are we doing in the jungle?
Luna: *Whispering back* This is where Neville’s barber lives.
…When the computer stopped working because of the amount of magic around, Harry had the strangest feeling that something bad might happen, …and then the sky turned purple.
Harry: ‘And that’s why the Cannons will never win the World Cup…’
Hermione: Where are we?
Ron: We’re screwed, that’s where we are…
The Boy Who Wouldn’t Ask for Directions.
Harry: Hey, Hermione? Who’s that guy standing behind you?
Hermione: You mean Neville?
Harry: No, the other one…
Hermione: I don’t know, but he wasn’t on the plane manifest!
Ron: The what? Speak English, Hermione!
Hermione: The list of passengers, Ronald!
Guy Behind Hermione: *Grabs Neville and Luna and disapparates*
HP Cast: *Stares*
Lost Cast: *Stares*
HP Cast: *Stares seriously*
Lost Cast: *Stares seriously*
Ron: …But I don’t even watch Lost!
If found, please return to Albus Dumbledore.
The Hogwarts Students demonstrate their new spell, ‘Floatus without Leggus.’
Harry: Is that song true?
George: Which song are you referring to?
Harry: ‘Landslide’ by the Dixie Chicks.
George: Oh, that song! What do you mean, ‘Is the song true?’
Harry: Does the landslide really bring you down?
George: Why do you ask, Harry?
Harry: *Looks towards mountain nervously*