CC #024: Week of March 30, 2003


⬇️⬇️ Scroll down in the below area to read all captions from this week! ⬇️⬇️


Hermione: *thinking* If I just move my head a liiittttlle bit to the left, I can totally block out that Susan Bones girl!
Chris: Emma! Don’t stand in front of my precious daughter! The only reason she’s in this movie is so she can be seen on camera!
Hermione: So that’s why she switches from Hufflepuff to Gryffindor! Gee! I thought it was just another movie mistake…
-Amanda D.


McGonagall: …And remember, the one who sells the most Girl-Scout cookies gets this shiny new racing broom!
Harry: All right! I’d better get started! Hey, Ron, do you think the creatures in the Forbidden Forest like cookies?!?
-Mandy


June 21st, 2003
–The midnight book release of Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix ends in tragedy as the crowd, dressed like their favorite Harry Potter characters, watch a group of rabid teenagers trample small children and a hat to get their hands on every copy of this long-awaited installment–
-Pamela


Harry: I don’t believe it!
Hermione: Impossible.. it’s.. AWFUL!
Ron: Fred told me the rumour, but I didn’t think it would come true…!
Seamus: Let’s run!
Harry: I can take on dragons, trolls, even Voldemort! Anything.. but this!
‘Yes, that’s right, Ladies and Gentlemen, I, Gilderoy Lockhart, am your new headmaster!’
-Nic


McGonagall: …Next to be sorted is: Finnigan, Seamus!
Hermione: Don’t look now, Seamus, but.. your fly’s undone..
Seamus: *Gasp*
Hermione: April Fools!
-LozzeeH


McGonagall: I’m afraid Professor Dumbledore has.. misplaced the Sorting Hat; Professor Snape was kind enough to lend us this to use instead!
Hermione: That’s… not.. legal….right?
-Chris


Hermione: Hey, Seamus.. I just determined who it was that takes our pictures for his Crazy Caption Contest!
Seamus: What? Where is he?!?
Hermione: Ok, look behind my shoulder. Then over Susan’s shoulder, back behind that unknown unimportant kid. Do you see Fred Weasley? Ok, now, behind him and to the left: He’s the one wearing the pointy black hat and looks away when you try and get a glimpse!
-Genny


Hermione: ‘I’ll curse Ron! He tipped my boat over with the complicated Gogeteatenbythegiantsquidinthewater Spell and now I’m soaked!
-Brian


Ron: Harry, what exactly is it we’re looking at?
Harry: I don’t know, but toss your hair and look pretty: this photo’s going for the MuggleNet Caption Contest!
-Kahli


Eleanor Columbus (Susan Bones): Gosh, Emma, get out of the way! The camera can’t see me properly!
Emma: Shut up, Eleanor! You aren’t even one of the key characters, just a wannabe!
Eleanor: Daddy, Daddy! Can I have permission to fire just one more cast member?
-Nichole J.


McGonagall: It’s quite simple. When I call your name, you will journey to the third floor corridor, try to get past the three headed dog and go down the trapdoor, find your way through Devil’s Snare, then take a broom and search for the right key to the next door, leading to a giant chessboard where you’ll have to win your way across, then try not to poison yourself with a set of potions and a riddle, then defeat the Dark Lord Voldemort! Upon completion the teachers will grade you and you will be Sorted into your houses!
Ron: Fred and George were going on about wrestling a mountain troll… bet that was easy…
-Rosetta


Hermione: That’s Dumbledore!
Neville: Oh my! What’s he wearing?!?
Harry: Looks to me like a flowery purple bathrobe with matching shower cap…
Ron: Hey, that’s mine!
-Zora


‘Will the real Slim Shady please stand up?’
-Delaney


The new Sorting Swimsuit didn’t get the reaction Dumbledore had predicted…
-Amanda


Seamus: ‘Professor McGonagall! What did you do with the fourth stool leg?!?’
-Mindy


Harry: What is that?!?
Ron: Dumbledore? McGonagall?!?
Dumbledore: Yes.. er… Welcome to your new year at Hogwarts!
McGonagall: *wipes lipstick off Dumbledore’s cheek*
-Nick


Seamus: ‘Oh my, how’d we end up on the set of The Wall?!?’
-Heather


Hermione: Does Dumbledore always welcome students to Hogwarts by stripping? Are we getting special treatment?
Harry: I dunno…
Ron: Probably because Harry’s here…
-Helen


‘Look, Everyone! Dumbledore found Waldo!’
-Maegan


Seamus: Oh my..
Hermione: Is that…
Harry: Yes.. I think…
Ron: They forgot the speech bubble again!
-Jenny


Eric: Duck, Duck, Duck, Duck… Goose!
Hermione: Hey, I wasn’t ready! Stupid Muggles, did you not see my face?!?
-Julia


McGonagall: Draco Malfoy!
Draco: *sits, takes hat*
Sorting Hat: Hmm… Wait a minute.. there seems to be a mistake, this kid is a Muggle!
Draco: !!!!! There must be.. some.. mistake… My whole family are wiz…
*Guards come out with asps in hand*
Sorting Hat: Let’s show him what we do with thugs like him…
*Guards drag Draco away*
Draco: AAAAAAH!
McGonagall: Alright, let’s see who’s next…
Students: *gasp*
-Laurin


Boys: WOW, naked girls!
Hermione: *outraged* I don’t remember EVER seeing these girls at the Sorting Ceremony before!
JKR: Welcome to the new and exciting Fifth Year, everybody!
-Lusine


–Notice–
From now on Nearly-Headless Nick will be known as Nearly-Pantless Nick!
-Caroline


Alan Rickman: Why is everyone looking at me like that?
Dan Radcliffe: Why are you wearing a bra and G-String?!?
Alan Rickman: Cuaron said for PoA I had to ‘come out of the closet’….?
-Angel


Albus: ‘See here, children, this is what happens during Spring Break when good witches go bad…’
-Katherine


Hermione: Well, they are short of money..
Ron: Yes, but isn’t a staff swimsuit competition going a bit too far?
-Shari


‘Peeves and ‘Moaning’ Myrtle?!.. who’da thunk!’
-E


McGonagall: When I call your name you are to come forth and sing a song of your choice!
Hermione: OH NO!
Ron: What?
Hermione: I forgot the words to Lady Marmalade!
Ron: You can make them up then! Besides, I don’t think they’ll be paying much attention to your singing anyway!
-Rachel


Jerry Springer: Hi and welcome to today’s show, ‘You Ruined My Life’. Next to me right now is Tom, now Tom told us that his life was going great until a boy ruined it for him. Tom, what’s going on?
Tom: Well, Jerry, I had it all. You see, I was the most powerful wizard in town, and my powers were growing. Everything was going great until a one-year-old boy named Harry Potter took my powers right from me!
Jerry: Well, Tom, we have a surprise for you today because Harry is here in the audience. Come on up, Harry Potter!
Harry: What?!? Oh man… You said we were going to Hogsmeade, not the Jerry Springer studio!
-Talia


McGonagall: ‘Now, when I call your name, you will come up. I will place.. *looks down and raises red baseball cap* Alright! Which Mudblood put this here?!?!’
-Diana


Dean: Hey, I think this is the first time I’ve been in a caption…
Neville: Yeah, me too!
Seamus: Will you two shut up?
Harry: Yeah, we’re about to get sorted…
Dean and Neville: WE’RE IN A CAPTION!
*Malfoy smacks them on the head*
Dean: Hey, what was that for?!?
Malfoy: Thanks to your distraction that darn hat made me a Hufflepuff!
-Callie


*Staring at the new Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher*
Ron: Are those real?
-Lyssa and Kathy


Harry: Hello, would you like to buy some Girl-Scout cookies?
Emerson: Sure! I’ll have one pack of the thin mints…
Harry: OK, Sir, that’ll be three dollars.
Emerson: THREE DOLLARS! I’m not paying that much for some cookies!
Harry: *sad face* But Sir, it will benefit poor orphan children like me!
Emerson: Well.. alright then.. *buys cookies*
Harry: *looks to Ron and Seamus* Told you that always gets ’em!
-Sara


Hermione: We have a D!
Seamus: We have an R!
Neville: We have an A!
Ron: We have a C!
Dean: We have an O!
Together: We have Draco!
Harry: W-we… h-have.. no.. I don’t want to.. Stop! Ron, Hermione, what are you doing?!?
Draco: *sneering in the background* Like my Imperius Curse, Potter?
-Jai


‘Lockhart didn’t do it right: Usually your clothes come with you when you apparate… Atleast the best of him made it!’
-Raymond


Harry: This magician guy is really cool!
Dumbledore: And now for my next trick….!
Harry: WHAT!
Ron: A sword?!?
Harry: He can’t even pull a rabbit out!
Ron: What a rip-off!!! *leaves*
-Eric (Staff)

 

 

 

 


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Eric S.

Eric Scull joined MuggleNet in November of 2002. Since that time he’s presided over a number of sections including name origins and Dear Hogwarts, but none so long as the Crazy Caption Contest, which is recently revived. Eric is a hufflepuff who lives in Chicago and loves the outdoors.