CC #044: Week of August 17, 2003

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Mr. Weasley: *Whispers* Children, we’d better go outside… It’s time for the secret meeting of TPWPWB… you know… ‘The People Who Play With Barbies’…?
Lucius: You and your children play with Barbies? Tut tut, I’m sure that true pure-bloods would never do that…
Draco: Well, father, you do have those dolls down in the cellar…
*Mr. Malfoy turns to Draco talking through gritted teeth*
Lucius: How many times do I have to tell you? They are not dolls, they are action figures!
Fred: Sure, they’re just action figures, Mr. Malfoy… *smirks*

‘No, I’m sorry, Lucius, I don’t know where the books preventing teenage bed-wetting can be found. Perhaps if you ask at the front desk…?’
-Rob O

Mr. Malfoy: What are you staring at, Arthur?
Draco: Erm… Dad, you’ve got ketchup on your nose…

Lucius: How dare you steal my diary! It has very personal information in there!
Mr. Weasley: Obviously! You’d better keep your slimy paws off of Molly!
Lucius: I would never go near that filthy person you call your wife! I’ve never had a thing for Molly and never will!
Ginny: Not according to January 23rd, 1990!

Mr. Weasley: ‘Dude’! What does mine say?!

Lucius: That’s right, Weasley, a book. If you saved for a couple of years you might be able to afford half a page…

‘Do you think that if I inconspicuously slip a little diary into this book, people will be too distracted by it to notice my entirely fake blonde wig?’

Lucius: …And, Arthur, I’m giving you my most prized possession-this book shall help you find the lost city of… Atlantis!
*Everyone looks confused*
Harry: No, no, no, Mr. Malfoy… this is a different movie! I have to open the Chamber of Secrets!
Lucius: Oh…

Wizard Clothing: $250.00
Flourish & Blott’s Set: $30,000
Seeing Jason Isaac’s Dark Hair Under His Wig: Priceless


Mr. Weasley: ‘No, Lucius, you don’t have to show me your illustrated copy of Snow White and the Seven Dwarves. I happen to like my hat, thank you very much!

Lucius: Mr. Potter. We meet at last. Forgive me, your scar is legend… as is the wizard who gave it to you.
Harry: Voldemort killed my parents… he was nothing more than a murderer.
Lucius: You must be very brave to speak his name… or very foolish…
Eric: Wait! Stop! You’re not supposed to write in what they say in the movie, you’re supposed to come up with something new!
S.A.: Oops…

Mr. Weasley: Lucius…
Mr. Malfoy: Arthur…
Mr. Weasley: Well at least now we know each other’s names…

Kids: Fight, Fight, Fight!
Chris: Sorry, kids, Cutting Room!
-Amy and Sam

Arthur: ‘Really, Lucius, the Edgar Winter Look went out of fashion two decades ago!’

Harry: *singing under his breath* ‘Malfoy’s got the magic of Clorox Bleach…’

Mr. Weasley: ‘Ah, Mr. Malfoy. How kind of you to donate one of the most feared wizard of all time’s old belongings to my eleven-year-old daughter!

‘I know the truth about you, Malfoy! You can’t use Polyjuice Potion to look like Tom Petty forever!

Mr. Weasley: Now see here, Madam, just because the hat is pointy, doesn’t mean the head is!

Lucius: Well, if it isn’t Weasley Senior… You’re just in time!
Arthur: Just in time for what, Lucius?
Lucius: For this! Watch as I sneak Voldemort’s ragged old school diary into your daughter’s cauldron which will give her powers to set loose the basilisk in the chamber of secrets and even chat with Tom Riddle himself! Isn’t that neat?!
All: Err….

Arthur: Just give me my book back, please…
Lucius: *Reads title* ‘How To Be A Muggle For Dummies’. A very nice choice for you, Arthur…

Harry: *Whispers to Ron* Why’d it just get so dark in here?
Ron: *Whispers back* Because the second film is darker and the villain just walked in…
Harry: Oh…

‘Tell us, Lucius, we’re all dying to know who does your hair!’

‘I recommend this book. It’s a very interesting story about three little piggies and a big, bad wolf.’

Ginny: Mr. Malfoy, you’ve got something on your face…
Ron: Yeah, it looks like a banana…
Arthur: Now, children, don’t make fun of Mr. Malfoy’s nose…

Arthur: …and you are filth! You are scum! We all hate you! Go back to the Dark Side, you freak!
Ron: Uh, Dad… That’s not Mr. Malfoy, it’s a mannequin…

Lucius: Ah yes, and a tatty old dilapidated book… *examines* HEY! THIS IS MINE!
-Brittany & Kiley





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Eric S.

Eric Scull joined MuggleNet in November of 2002. Since that time, he’s presided over a number of sections, including name origins and Dear Hogwarts, but none so long as the recently revived Crazy Caption Contest. Eric is a Hufflepuff who lives in Chicago and loves the outdoors.