CC #251: Week of February 3, 2008
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Umbridge: ‘Whoever gets my hat free of the bird won’t get expelled for a week!’
-Alissende
Dumbledore: Um, Professor, your face is a little funny…
Umbridge: I know, Headmaster, I sneezed when they applied the botox.
-CoBrA b
Umbridge: …What am I bid for this moulty old bird?
Dumbledore: This is a fine replica of an Eastern Great-horned Owl, Madame!
Umbridge: -I was talking about YOU.
-DW Hardin
As J.K. Rowling watched Michael Gambon’s Dumbledore gaze longingly at Umbridge’s fuzzy pink hat, she realized it was time to help the headmaster out of the closet.
-Mad-Eye Muggle
Dumbledore: Professor… while we all appreciate your desire to rid the Great Hall of flies, please do not eat them right in front of my students… they’ll be sick!
-Siriusly_Black
Umbridge: *Singing* Or the laaand of the freee, and home of the braaaaave!
Students and Dumbledore: *Clapping half-heartedly*
Harry: We’re English, Professor…
The next day, a new educational degree is put up…
Decree: No one may contradict the High Inquisitor about her home country.
Harry: This isn’t funny any more.
-Omi
Albus: Dolores, what are you holding?
Umbridge: Oh, um, nothing.
Dumbledore: *Takes paper from Umbridge’s hand*
Note: Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
Your coat is pink,
And, um, I love you.
~Cornelius
Dumbledore: You kept this?!
-ToadalisciouslySnorcack
Umbridge: …Therefore, progress for the sake of progress must be discouraged.
Dumbledore: That was absolutely dreadful. Why did you even come?
Umbridge: Should I try another speech?
Dumbledore: No, Dolores, it won’t make any difference. You’re just not good enough to be the next ‘DADA Idol.’ It’s a ‘no’ from me. Hagrid?
Hagrid: I wasn’ feelin’ it, dawg.
Trelawney: I’ll have to pass. Love the outfit, though! YAAAAY! *Claps*
Dumbledore: Sorry, it’ sa no. Goodbye…… Other door.
-Casey
Dumbledore: *Thinking* If she’s about to proclaim that she’s the sugar plum fairy, I am so out of here!
-Ashgirl
Umbridge: I would like to buy a hamburger.
Krum: *Off-screen* Eye vood laike too bai a damburgar.
Umbridge: No, no, no. ‘I would like to buy a hamburger.’
Krum: Eye voold laike too bai a damburgat.
Umbridge: *Sighs frustratedly* No. I. Would. Like. To. Buy. A. Hamburger.
Krum: Zat’s vot I said! ‘Eye vood laik too bai a damburgar!’
Umbridge: Well it’s wrong! As the Senior Undersecretary to the Minister of Magic, Cornelius Fudge, I command that you say ‘I would like to buy a hamburger’ correctly! SAY IT!
David Yates: Imelda, first, wrong movie. Second, Michael, take the Imperius Curse off of her. You know that she has high blood pressure and that stress is bad for that sort of thing. We can’t afford to have her collapse in the middle of filming.
Dumbledore: *Pouts* Fine.
-Playwright06
Umbridge: Hem, hem.
Students: *Start hemming their robes*
Umbridge: Hem, hem!
Students: *Start to hum*
Umbridge: HEM, HEM!!!
Students: *Assemble and begin singing hymns*
Umbridge: Hem, – I mean – ATTENTION!
-Nymphy
Umbridge: *Sneezes*
Dumbledore: I would say ‘bless you,’ but I hate you.
-Goldshtizzle
Umbridge: *Thinking* This school is horrible and is run by babboons!
Dumbledore: *Thinking* Her outfit is horrible and was sewn by babboons!
-LoonyLuna127
Professor McGonagall: Okay, who opened the Chamber of Secrets this time?
Harry: No, no, Professor, this is just a Muggle picture. That’s why it’s not moving.
Professor McGonagall: Oh, thank goodness! I thought her face was really stuck like that. *Shakes off shiver*
-Nikki A.
Umbridge: Obligatory ‘Dumbledore is gay’ reference.
Dumbledore: Thank you, Dolores, for those… kind words.
-YouTuber
Dumbledore: *Thinking* If I squint hard enough, Umbridge looks like a heap of cotton candy.
Umbridge: Progress for the sake of progress must be prohibited…
Dumbledore: *Thinking* I wonder if she’ll melt if I throw water on her. Hot, boiling, scalding, venomous, poisonous, stale water.
-Heather Higgy
Umbridge: Dumbledore, is there anything in my teeth?
Dumbledore: Of course not! *Whispers under breath* Horse-looking baffoon!
Umbridge: What was that?
Dumbledore: I said, ‘lovely perfume.’
-Allocco
Umbridge: ‘And this, students, is one thing I won’t tolerate! *Puckers lips* It disrupts the learning system!’
-Kaleina_Riddle
Dumbledore: *Laughs*
Umbridge: Are you seriously laughing at me?
Dumbledore: Are you seriously wearing that hat? *Laughs harder*
-Betsy
Umbridge: Progress for progress’ sake will be…
Weasley Twins: BOO! YOU SUCK!
Umbridge: Why, I never – you two boys are a disgrace! *Turns around* Dumbledore, control your students!
Dumbledore: *Stifles laugh* My apologies…
-Austin
Umbridge: ‘So, has anyone met my mother, Agatha Trunchbull?’
-Katie
Dumbledore: ‘Professor, thank you for that interesting talk about facial expressions. You may take your – hey! Interesting locket! Want to play some cards…?’
-Sarah
Sign on the Podium: YOU MUST BE THIS TALL TO BE HEADMASTER.
-Renee
Umbridge: …It is great, to see your bright, happy faces, smiling at me. Now, I want to see silly faces! I will go first! *Makes odd face* Your turn!
Students: *Blank and miserable faces*
-HPATW
Umbridge: It is now hereby illegal to own anything shaped like the letter Q.
Everyone Else: ?
-Poloke
Ron: Her neck looks like Merlin’s saggy left-
Hermione: -Earlobe?
Ron: Close enough…
-Stax Stasin
‘Those caught doing what Dumbledore is currently doing with his hand will be expelled immediately.‘
-Armen
Eric: ‘Hey! Dumbledore stole my caption-entry-reading face!’
-Schipperke
Dumbledore: ‘Bird, attack!’
-Corii
Umbridge: ‘And so you see, children, the best way to keep a hat on your head, even when tilted at this angle, is simply to staple it to your head as I have done! Of course, this can cause insanity and crankiness, and in rare cases mindless endorsement of political baffoons, but your hats will never fall off again!’
-Kathleen the Underdog
Dumbledore: *Thinking* Oh, to see the knitting pattern for that before I die…
-Nikki
Umbridge: ‘Who wants a little kissy from Auntie Umbridge? Come on now!’
-LoonyRocks
