CC #268: Week of June 1, 2008

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Umbridge: Malfoy, I saw your videos on YouTube…
Malfoy: Yeah…
Umbridge: 1,200 points to Slytherin!
Malfoy: Woot!
Umbridge: Chatspeak? 1,200 points from Slytherin!
Malfoy: Aw, ferrets!

Umbridge: This must be a very proud day for you, Mr. Malfoy.
Malfoy: Yes, Professor, it is.
Umbridge: And your father will be so proud… the Minister is going to tell him personally.
Malfoy: *Laughs* Not if I get there first!
Umbridge: *Laughs* If you get the time, Mr. Malfoy! You’re going to have a lot of authority around here from now on!
Malfoy: Yes, you know, at times I doubted myself, but I always knew one day I’d win Witch Weekly’s Blonde Bombshell of the Year Award…
Umbridge: Actually, you’re being inducted into the Inquisitorial Squad.
Malfoy: *Throws the badge to the ground and storms out in a fit of rage*

Umbridge: *To all the Slytherins* ‘Haven’t your mothers taught you how to sew?’

Draco: ‘Oh, Dolores! Stop that! It tickles!’

The Smug Club. Forerunner of the Slug Club.

Umbridge: ‘And for Harry Contemplating Whether to Use a Red Quill with Black Ink or a Black Quill with Red Ink, I hereby give you the golden ribbon for most dull and pointless ”leaked” Half-Blood Prince image.’

Umbridge: ‘Welcome to the Hogwarts Inquisitorial Team for the Mean and Evil, otherwise known as H.I.T. M.E.’

Umbridge: *Thinking to herself* Wow, I’m short.
Draco: *Thinking to himself* Wow, she’s short.
Goyle: *Thinking to himself* Wow, Umbridge is short.
Crabbe: *Thinking to himself* Wow, Millicent looks hot. The only way she could be more attractive is if she were carrying a tray of buns… Mmm… buns… *gargle*

Umbridge: Now that you have your badge you can properly fulfill your duty.
Draco: Ha! You said duty!

Draco: On my honor I will do my best, to do my duty to Professor Umbridge and my school, and to obey the educational decrees; to help other people get detention at all times; to keep myself physically strong, mentally awake, and morally crooked.
Umbridge: Good boy.

The Slytherins knew that practicing Medal of Honor in the common room would pay off someday.

Umbridge: *Muttering to self* Why do they always give me the dullest pins and thickest cloaks? Maybe one hard shove –
At the other end of the castle, Harry smiles as he hears the result of his Dull Pin Jinx.
-My Name Jose

Umbridge is so short, the jokes in all of the captions go over her head.
Malfoy: *Repressing laughter*

Umbridge: For future services to the furtherment of Dark Arts, I award you our highest honor for the Dark Arts, The Order that Must Not Be Named!





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Eric S.

Eric Scull joined MuggleNet in November of 2002. Since that time, he’s presided over a number of sections, including name origins and Dear Hogwarts, but none so long as the recently revived Crazy Caption Contest. Eric is a Hufflepuff who lives in Chicago and loves the outdoors.