CC #271: Week of June 29, 2008

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Neville: *Thinking* Okay… okay. I can do this. The pointy one is the fork, right? No, wait… that’s the knife! But – which one’s the spoon? Ah, this is so frustrating!
-Kaity V.

Neville: But, I don’t understand… if the prophecy could have indicated me or Harry, and You-Know-Who had chosen me, would I be the one with tons of fangirls and endless glory? Why was it that He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named chose Harry?
J.K. Rowling: How about Neville Longbottom and the Philosopher’s Stone? No, ‘Longbottom’ doesn’t have that snappy hero-type ring to it. Nope, sounds more like a forgetful Herbology whiz with no girlfriend to me…
Neville: *Facepalm*

‘I fear Professor Snape, but yet I can’t stop thinking about how alluring he looked in Gran’s dress and hat…’

Neville: ‘Did I leave the common room fireplace on?’

Neville: *Thinking* I did not just say that she reminds me of my Mimbulus mimbletonia.
Girl: *Thinking* He did not just say that I remind him of his lumpy pet plant thing…

Neville: My spider sense is tingling!

Harry: Neville, are you alright?
Neville: Shh! Staring contest, must concentrate.
Hermione: Neville?
Neville: *Eyes water and he finally gives in to blinking* DANG IT! Curse you, eggs!
Ron: I know the House-Elves are just trying to be cheery, but maybe smiley face breakfasts aren’t the best idea…

Girl: *Thinking* Oh my gosh, is that a Mimbulus mimbletonia in his bag? I would kill to get my hands on one of those! I wonder if he would let me set off its defense mechanisms, or examine it closely at least!
Neville: *Thinking* Is that an ‘I Love Mimbulus mimbletonias!’ badge on her cloak?! I think I’m in love!

Cho: *Walks up to Neville* Hi. Neville Longbottom, is it?
Neville: Uhh, yes. That’s me.
Cho: I just wanted to say that it was really brave the way you stood up to You-Know-Who.
Neville: Oh.. um… thanks…
Cho: I was wondering if you wanted to have tea with me later.
Neville: Umm… sure… sure, yeah, sounds great.
Cho: Great! See you. *Walks away*
Neville: *Thinking* What just happened?

It took Neville a while to realize that he’d been hit with an Embarassing Hairstyle Curse.

Neville: ‘Hold on one moment… I don’t know any of these people, do I? And I’m pretty sure that egg I just ate was made of plastic… Gosh, this place feels like some sort of movie set sometimes…’

Another of Neville’s random thoughts…
‘…Can the Gummi Worms really live in peace with the Cockroach Clusters?’

Neville: *To himself* Okay. I’m handsome, have a long, tragic past, challenged You-Know-Who himself, visited the Department of Mysteries, and staged a mutiny against Snape when he was Headmaster. So why won’t any girl go out with me? *To the girl next to him* Melissa, will you go out with me?
Melissa: Do you have a scar on your forehead?
Neville: Um, no. But I have fought Bellatrix Lestrange and survived.
Melissa: No.
Neville: Oh, okay…
*An eleven-year-old with braces, badly-combed hair and a lisp appears*
11yr Old: Melitha, will you go out with me?
Melissa: Do you have a scar on your forehead?
11yr Old: Yeth. *Points to a badly-made and obviously forged scar painted on his forehead*
Melissa: Sure.
*Together, they leave the Great Hall.*
Neville: *Sigh* …I hate Fred and George’s joke scars…

Neville soon realized it was futile to perform Legilimency on his pumpkin juice.

Neville: *Muttering to himself* Oh my gosh, I said ‘What if I can influence the future?’ And now it happens, I said ‘What if my egg breaks?’ And it broke. Last week I said, ‘What if Bellatrix breaks out of Azkaban?’ And she did. What if I lose this incredibly awesome power? …Aw, #*$(!

Neville finally remembered what he had forgotten all those years ago when he first got his Remembrall…
Neville: ‘Shoot – my underwear!’

Even after thinking it over for three hours, Neville still couldn’t figure out how Half-Blood Prince is at all like Trainspotting.

Neville: This is getting ridiculous! I can’t even remember where I put my Remembrall!
Ron: Did you check the hidden pocket in your robes?
Neville: How do you DO that?! You always know where to look!
Ron: …That’s because it’s always in the same pocket. Every time.
-Brittany F.

*Inside Neville’s Head*
L = 31
pi to the square root of %12 + 8 over 1,468,254,590 { 20 – 9 x $5,678.34 [ 86,684L] = #x…..

-Brit Girl






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Eric S.

Eric Scull joined MuggleNet in November of 2002. Since that time, he’s presided over a number of sections, including name origins and Dear Hogwarts, but none so long as the recently revived Crazy Caption Contest. Eric is a Hufflepuff who lives in Chicago and loves the outdoors.