15 Ways to Infurate, Exasperate, or Generally Get on Hermione Granger’s Bad Side


Guaranteed to get a vicious flock of canaries sent your way.

  1. Tell her Ron proposed to Lavender in Madam Puddifoot’s.
  2. Tell her McGonagall said that her overall OWL results would have been a T, but they decided that would have been an insult to trolls.
  3. Frequently inquire as to why she is wasting time knitting all those woolly bladders and leaving them lying around the common room.
  4. When you ask why she’s angry with Pansy Parkinson, and she tells you it’s because Pansy just compared her to a chipmunk, act confused and say:”But why are you so upset? I thought you valued honesty in others?”
  5. Whenever something in Hogwarts isn’t working properly, say loudly:’I reckon it’s those stupid house elves’ fault. Dumbledore’s much too soft with them…’
  6. Say to her: “You remind me of a movie star.” When she beams at you, say: “Yes, it’s incredibly hard to find somebody who looks like Bugs Bunny, but with those front teeth of yours you’re the spitting image of him.”
  7. Inform her you’ve just read Rita Skeeter’s article about her and Harry and Krum. Tell her she’s not worthy of either boy and that ‘Harry Potter has had to endure enough tragedy without having a scarlet woman rip his heart out.’
  8. Tell her that when Harry and Ron ran into the bathroom to rescue her from the mountain troll, they had to pause for a moment to figure out which one was the troll and which one was Hermione.
  9. Constantly try to solve the mysteries of Hogwarts by saying: ‘It’s obvious, isn’t it? As soon as he heard Dumbledore coming towards him, he must have disapparated out of Hogwarts!’
  10. In lessons, always answer questions by heavily misquoting Hermione’s favourite textbooks, using her exact know-it-all tone of voice. When the teacher tells you that you’re incorrect, state that it’s not your fault because you were only saying what Hermione said.
  11. Take a leaf out of Ron’s book and imitate her bouncing up and down in her chair trying to answer a question.
  12. After Slughorn’s Christmas party, say to her,’Hermione, Cormac’s been looking all over for you’-every day for three weeks.
  13. After Gryffindor Quidditch try outs in sixth year, follow her around saying loudly, ‘Hey prefect! Confunded anyone lately?
  14. Quote Malfoy. ‘Who blacked your eye, Granger? I want to send them flowers.’
  15. When given a mountain of homework, sigh and say in a squeaky house-elf sounding voice:’No sick days. No payment. No job satisfaction. So much work we has, miss!’

Submitted by: Naomi

Eric S.

Eric Scull joined MuggleNet in November of 2002. Since that time, he’s presided over a number of sections, including name origins and Dear Hogwarts, but none so long as the recently revived Crazy Caption Contest. Eric is a Hufflepuff who lives in Chicago and loves the outdoors.