23 Things to Do in a Ministry of Magic Elevator

Guaranteed to get you admitted to St. Mungo’s!

  1. When there’s only one other person in the elevator, tap them on the shoulder and then pretend it wasn’t you.
  2. Push the buttons and pretend they jinx you. Wait for the effects of the ‘jinx’ to wear off, smile, and go back for more.
  3. Ask if you can push the button for other people, but intentionally push the wrong ones.
  4. Hold the doors open and say you’re waiting for a friend. After a while let the doors close and say, “Hi Greg. How’s your day been?”
  5. Drop a quill and wait until someone goes to pick it up and then scream, “That’s mine!”
  6. Bring a camera and take pictures of everyone in the elevator.
  7. Move your desk into the elevator and whenever anyone gets on ask if they have an appointment.
  8. Lay down a Muggle Twister mat and ask people if they would like to play.
  9. Randomly ask, “Did you feel that?” When they look at you curiously, begin to explain your theory that a troll has made its way into the building, become more panicked by the minute.
  10. Stand really close to someone, sniffing them occasionally. As they are getting off, tell them you “know of a potion that can cure that…”
  11. When the doors close, announce to the others in a voice of forced calm, “It’s okay, don’t panic, they open again!”
  12. Swat at flying memos which don’t exist.
  13. Call out, “Group hug!” and then enforce it. Use Imperius if necessary.
  14. Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead and muttering, “Shut up, all of you, just shut up!” Then explain that the Legilimency lessons are working a little too well.
  15. Crack open your briefcase or purse and peer inside periodically while whispering, “Got enough air in there?”
  16. Stand silently and motionless in the corner facing the wall, without getting off. If someone approaches you, turn around and try to bite them.
  17. Stare at another passenger for a while and then announce in horror, “You’re one of THEM!” and back away slowly.
  18. Charm one of your fingers to talk and use it to communicate with other passengers.
  19. Listen to the elevator walls with your Extendable Ears.
  20. Speak incantations when anyone presses a button. (Alohomora, for example)
  21. Stare manically and grin at another passenger for an extended amount of time before announcing, “I have new socks on.”
  22. Draw a little square on the floor with your wand and announce to the other passengers in an unnecessarily loud voice, “This is MY personal space!”
  23. If anyone questions any of your actions, claim to be under the influence of Dark Magic.


Submitted by: Erin

Eric S.

Eric Scull joined MuggleNet in November of 2002. Since that time, he’s presided over a number of sections, including name origins and Dear Hogwarts, but none so long as the recently revived Crazy Caption Contest. Eric is a Hufflepuff who lives in Chicago and loves the outdoors.