25 Ways to Tick Off a “Harry Potter” Fan
Guaranteed to… cause a few fights?
- In casual conversation, constantly ask: “Now what was the name of that kid with the scar again?”
- Anytime they bring up the books, close your ears and sing loudly – then tell them they’re spoiling it for you (even if you have no intention of reading them).
- Ask what “HP” stands for.
- When they begin to theorize, bluntly say, “I think Harry is in cahoots with Voldemort and it’s all just a huge publicity stunt.”
- Tell them you think the movies are better than the books.
- Suggest they read the books on SparkNotes, because it’s a lot faster.
- Destroy any and all of their delusions that magic really exists and that they’ll someday find Hogwarts.
- Point and laugh unnecessarily loudly when they tell you how many times they’ve read each book.
- Any time they mention J.K. Rowling, mention that you think she should just retire immediately.
- Steal their wizard robes.
- Wash off their lightning bolt tattoo.
- Steal the dust jacket to their books.
- Ask to borrow one of the books and return it with scribbles and notes alluding to the death of Harry.
- Pronounce all of the character’s names wrong, no matter how easy they are or how many times you’ve been corrected.
- Offer to edit their fanfic, then re-write it to be about a delusional person who is convinced a book about magic is real.
- Go on and on about how unrealistic all of it is.
- Offer to mail a letter to Hogwarts, and really mail it to a shrink.
- Draw mustaches on their Harry Potter posters.
- When they start ranting and raving about the books/movies, say “That’s nice!” in the same tone used to talk to a child.
- Use logic to disprove all of the plot lines in the books.
- Plant a snake in their room and laugh at their frustration when they can’t communicate with it.
- Write hate mail to J.K. Rowling, providing your friend’s name and address.
- Misquote the books as often as possible.
- Try to convince them that Voldemort is really the good guy and the book is told from Harry’s point of view – which is the only reason he comes off looking good.
- When they start to re-tell a part of one of the books, say, “Oh, yeah, and remember when…” – then completely make something up.
Submitted by: Nicole (a non-HP fan) and her friend Emily