26 More Ways to Annoy Lord Voldemort

Just in case you survived our other list.

  1. At Death Eater meetings, repeatedly accuse Voldemort of glue sniffing addictions.
  2. Only speak in questions. As soon as Voldy makes a statement, shout “I win!”
  3. Arrive at a Death Eater meeting late, say you’re sorry but you didn’t have time for lunch, and you’ll be nibbling during the meeting. Then eat raw potatoes.
  4. Save an empty seat in the Death Eater circle for your imaginary friend Clyde.
  5. At random times in a conversation, say to him, “Hi,” “Hello Sir, how are you?” or “Have a good day, thank you.”
  6. Call Voldy “Champ” or “Tiger.” Refer to yourself as “Coach.”
  7. Insist on holding the Death Eater Christmas Bash.
  8. Constantly bring in new dishes as gifts for Voldemort that you tried to cook but didn’t quite come out right.
  9. Everytime Voldy asks you to do something, ask him if he wants fries with that.
  10. Hang banners up declaring it National Harry Potter Week. Throw confetti and sign “For He’s A Jolly Good Fellow.”
  11. Present him with candy at random times.
  12. Send him one of those “Sending you a smile!” cards. Or, when
  13. Harry thwarts him yet again, an “I’m sorry for your loss” card.
  14. Make him a basket full of goodies and insist he take it to bring some cheerfullness into his life.
  15. Get caught decorating his rooms with pastel colors and bows and tell him
  16. it’s to “Liven up the atmosphere in this place, it’s so depressing!”
  17. Tell him he should try more bran in his diet, or eat a banana. They release endorphins that make you happy!
  18. Get him a nutritionist and tell him your concerned at how pale and abnormally proportioned he is.
  19. Get the Clinique people at the mall to give him a make-over.
  20. Make him Mickey Mouse chocolate chip pancakes for breakfast.
  21. Record him snoring.
  22. As he walks out the door to engage in more nefarious deeds, start singing “Hi-ho, hi-ho, it’s off to work we go!”
  23. Ask him what he sees when he looks in the Mirror of Erised.
  24. As he’s plotting dark deeds, pretend to cough and mutter things like Not gonna work,” or “stupid.”
  25. Everytime he says something particularly nasty or evil, give him a smiley face cookie.
  26. Sing him a lullaby when he goes to bed.

Submitted by: Unknown

Eric S.

Eric Scull joined MuggleNet in November of 2002. Since that time, he’s presided over a number of sections, including name origins and Dear Hogwarts, but none so long as the recently revived Crazy Caption Contest. Eric is a Hufflepuff who lives in Chicago and loves the outdoors.