31 Ways You Know You’ve Read Book 1 Too Many Times

Guaranteed to get you that delayed Hogwarts admission letter

You know you’ve read SS/PS too many times when you…

  1. Continually ask people if they want a Lemon Drop.
  2. Throw blankets over yourself and insist you’re invisble.
  3. Tell your hats that you don’t want to be put it Slytherin.
  4. Wince and grab your forehead every time you see a man wearing a turban.
  5. Ask snakes if they can hear you.
  6. Instruct your chess pieces where to move.
  7. Paint walnuts yellow, toss them in the air, and say you’re the youngest seeker in a century.
  8. choke on said Walnut, and say that you’ve caught the Snitch.
  9. Act genuinely surprised when you get presents for Christmas.
  10. Tap random bricks with an umbrella and insist you’re trying to get into Diagon Alley.
  11. Pay people with your version of Galleons, Sickles, and Knuts.
  12. Wave random sticks around, and when nothing happens, tell yourself that it just isn’t the right one.
  13. Tell your siblings that Hagrid will give them a pig tail.
  14. Call people Muggles.
  15. Tell random people that you know how to calm fluffy…
  16. …and refuse to explain.
  17. Say “sunshine daisies, butter mellow, turn this stupid fat rat yellow,” at every mouse you see.
  18. Tell your friends to beware of the troll in their bathroom.
  19. Expect to see your heart’s desire in a mirror.
  20. Feel around in your pocket for any stones while staring in said mirror.
  21. Set fire to the clothes of men with black hair at public sporting events.
  22. Look out for Firenze every time you enter a forest.
  23. Tell your teachers that you know about the Sorcerer’s Stone…
  24. …and refuse to explain.
  25. Have unknowingly done multiple things on this list.
  26. Continually talk about how evil you think Snape is.
  27. Remind your arch-enemy that there hasn’t been a witch or wizard who hasn’t gone bad in Slytherin.
  28. Check for trap doors beneath your dog.
  29. Ask people to address their letters to you to the “cupboard under the stairs,” or “the old house on the rock.”
  30. Jinx your broomstick, and pray that Hermione will show up to break Quirrell’s eye contact.
  31. Search every bag of jellybeans for a bogey flavored one. Tell all those who say otherwise that George swore he once found one.

Submitted by: Laura

Eric S.

Eric Scull joined MuggleNet in November of 2002. Since that time, he’s presided over a number of sections, including name origins and Dear Hogwarts, but none so long as the recently revived Crazy Caption Contest. Eric is a Hufflepuff who lives in Chicago and loves the outdoors.