CC #363: Week of October 27, 2013

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Voldemort: ‘Now, what do these runes say? Ma, de, in, Chi, na. Wait. What?’
-Ray P.

Voldemort: ‘With the Elder Wand in my hand, I’ll be able to FORCE them to read my screenplay!’

‘Call me a silly ninny, but I expected something bigger… with sparkles.’

Voldemort: *Reading* TM Warner Bros.? This is nothing but a fake, resin copy!
Snape: Actually, my Lord, all our wands are made of resin. Apparently the producers don’t trust us with actual wood.

Voldemort: I can’t remember – is this scene from the end of Part 1 or the beginning of Part 2?
Snape: It’s both, sir.
Voldemort: No, that’s impossible.

Voldemort: My precious…
Director: CUT!
Ralph: Sorry.

Voldemort: ‘Ah, the Elder Wand. You and I have many things to do together.’
In a montage: Voldemort and the wand riding a roller coaster; the two laying on a picnic blanket looking at the clouds; eating spaghetti a la Lady and the Tramp.

‘Wow… this wand is so powerful that I am getting some kind of a warm feeling inside! I believe it’s… called… happiness…… I HATE IT!’
-Katie M.

‘I have the ultimate power of death, but… looking at my fingernails I think I may have two weapons…’

Voldemort: ‘Brr. It’s cold. I need some firewood. *Sets wand on fire.* Oh, nuts.’

‘Well, that wasn’t so hard. Now what do I do? I know! I’ll scream and shoot a bright light into the air. Aaaaaahhh!’

Voldemort texts on his phone with one hand while absentmindedly pointing his wand at Harry with the other.
-Jeremy X

‘I should have known not to trust Bellatrix with my knitting needle collection.’
-The Doctor’s Daughter

Voldemort: ‘With this wand… I can change my appearance so that people stop confusing me with Susan Sarandon.’

‘Huh… it looked bigger in the picture.’

Voldemort: At last, I have Dumbledore’s nose-sticker!
Snape: Excuse me?
Voldemort: Everyone thinks the main purpose of wands is to cast spells at your opponent, but actually they’re to stick up your opponents’ nose.
Snape: I did not know that, my Lord.
Voldemort: You didn’t think I had no nose by accident, did you?

Voldemort: *Reading* Thank you for your purchase of The Elder Wand. You can enjoy all your spell work with your new Elder Wand. Other functions of the wand include a knife, a compass, a telescope, a pen, a can opener…





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Eric S.

Eric Scull joined MuggleNet in November of 2002. Since that time, he’s presided over a number of sections, including name origins and Dear Hogwarts, but none so long as the recently revived Crazy Caption Contest. Eric is a Hufflepuff who lives in Chicago and loves the outdoors.