CC #494, Week of November 26, 2023

Credit: Warner Bros. Pictures


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Harry: “Professor, I need your help for my most important quest.”
Dumbledore: “I knew this day would come. Just tell me what you need to know.”
Harry: “How can I get You-Know-Who?”
Dumbledore: “Destroy the Horcruxes, and You-Know-Who will die.”
Harry: “Die? But I don’t want You-Know-Who to die!”
Dumbledore: “…You don’t?”
Harry: “No. Why would I want that? In fact, I’m actually in love with You-Know-Who!”
Dumbledore: (is speechless)
Harry: “….We’re both talking about Ginny Weasley, right?”

Dumbledore: “She told y’all I was gay? …Well, I did have a thing for Kingsley…”
—Atira D.

Dumbledore: “Harry, I believe it is time for us to have ‘the talk.'”
Harry: “What talk is that, Professor?”
Dumbledore: “I’m sure you’ve noticed certain, ah, changes in…”
Harry: “Let me stop you right there! I’ve been in the Restricted Section of the library. Anything I need to know, I know where to find it. Thank you for this very awkward moment.”
Dumbledore: (heaves a massive sigh of relief)
—Friend of Fawkes

Dumbledore: “I’m sorry, Harry, but you simply haven’t collected enough Bertie Bott’s Every Flavor Beans to end this school year.”

Dumbledore: “What do you think of my reorganized office?”
Harry: “It’s okay, but I liked it better when your chair was on the other side of your desk.”

Harry: “Sirius is dead. And it’s my fault.”
Dumbledore: “No, Harry. The fault is mine.”
Harry: “Oh, okay. Pheew! That is a weight off my shoulders.”

Harry: “Wait. You said you were going to tell me ‘everything,’ but I’m still confused about some things.”
Dumbledore: “Harry, please, there are still two books left; I can’t actually tell you everything.”

Dumbledore: “…So that’s the truth.”
Harry: “Okay.”
(a long pause)
Dumbledore: “You look disappointed.”
Harry: “I just wish your office had some intricate instruments I could destroy in this moment.”

Dumbledore: “So, in your third and fourth years, you wore Muggle clothes a lot more, but in this year, you seemed to go back to wearing your uniform most of the time.”
Harry: “Yeah. I think it has something to do with something called a ‘director’ changing.”

The staring contest had clearly lasted long enough for Harry’s five o’clock shadow to erupt on his boyish face.
—Friend of Fawkes

Dumbledore: “When you get to be as old and wise as I am, you might start wearing a dress, too, Harry.”

Dumbledore: “Harry, we should probably talk to Ron about the Anglia’s extended warranty.”
—Tracy K.

Dumbledore: “You know, Harry, when my time comes, I want my portrait in this office to be of me when I was at Woodstock. On stage next to Jimi Hendrix.”

Dumbledore: “I’m sorry, Harry, but I will not expel Mr. Malfoy for ‘being a git.’ That’s not actually against the rules.”
Harry: “What about for being a tosser?”
Dumbledore: “Ah, now, that’s a different story.”

Dumbledore: “So, Harry, do you know why I have called you here today?”
Harry: “No, sir. Why?”
Dumbledore: “Because I need the Hogwarts tea, of course.”
Harry: “Tea? I don’t have a teapot.”
Dumbledore: (rolls his eyes) “No, not that kind of tea. I need the gossip!”
Harry: “Oh, well, I don’t really think gossiping is very nice…”
(one hour later)
Dumbledore: “…And then what happened?”
Harry: “She broke up with him.”
(Dumbledore gasps)
Harry: “I know, right?!”
—She Who Must Not Be Named




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Eric S.

Eric Scull joined MuggleNet in November of 2002. Since that time, he’s presided over a number of sections, including name origins and Dear Hogwarts, but none so long as the recently revived Crazy Caption Contest. Eric is a Hufflepuff who lives in Chicago and loves the outdoors.