Talk to Dumbledore

by · May 30, 2023

to the tune of “Rehab” by Amy Winehouse

This parody is from Harry’s perspective in Harry Potter and Order of the Phoenix after detention with Dolores Umbridge. 

They tried to make me talk to Dumbledore
But I said, “No, no, no”
Yes, my hand hurts, but it’s nothing to disconcert
You know, know, know
I ain’t got the time
And dear old Albus thinks I’m fine
They tried to make me talk to Dumbledore
But I won’t go, go, go

I’d rather be hangin’ out with friends
And the pain, it always ends
‘Cause there’s nothing
There’s nothing you can tell me
To get me to walk to his office

Yes, I yelled in class
But doom doesn’t have to be in the forecast

They tried to make me talk to Dumbledore
But I said, “No, no, no”
Yes, my hand hurts, but it’s nothing to disconcert
You know, know, know
I ain’t got the time
And dear old Albus thinks I’m fine
They tried to make me talk to Dumbledore
But I won’t go, go, go

Umbridge said, “The message needs to sink in”
I said, “I haven’t any ink”
“Oh, you won’t, you won’t need any ink –
Write ‘I must not tell lies'”

She said, “Let’s see if you got the message –
Yes, your hand hurts, doesn’t it?”

They tried to make me talk to Dumbledore
But I said, “No, no, no”
Yes my scar hurt, but it’s nothing to disconcert
You know, know, know

I don’t ever want detention again
I just want to spend time with friends
I’m not gonna give her the satisfaction
Plus my hand is already on the mend

And it’s not just my pride
It’s just ’til the blood has dried

They tried to make me talk to Dumbledore
But I said, “No, no, no”
Yes, my hand hurts, but it’s nothing to disconcert
You know, know, know
I ain’t got the time
And dear old Albus thinks I’m fine
They tried to make me talk to Dumbledore
But I won’t go, go, go